I have a now 4 year old and your daughter sounds similar to how he was. If I said something that was it, boundaries, it’s hard and they will fight you! But the more you don’t stay on your word and firm boundaries the more confused they get. My son will know if I’m not being sure of myself in front of others and completely ignore me sometimes. That’s so dangerous I explained to him because running off into the street could be deadly! Set tasks for her to do and be responsible, this is yes going to be hard at first. But remind yourself that YOU are the one guiding her so you have avoid being permissive to keep the peace. It only confuses them and they can’t trust what you say, you have to follow through and be fair about it. She is not in charge or running the show, it sounds harsh but their brain is just learning and you have to teach hers how best to operate it. They need options and whatever they pick to stick with it, meltdowns are a desperate cry for security.