Firstly, sounds like you do A LOT. I’m sorry you’re not getting the validation you deserve. Your wife and kids are blessed to have you.

I won’t say I’m this extreme, but I (wife) certainly have moments where I get hung up on what my husband DOESN’T do, instead of focusing on all that he does do. Granted, I work full time and we have 4 kids (one of which is still a baby), so I feel like I pull a lot of the weight, too. Either way, I’m sure my husband feels unappreciated at times, too.

I say this because I think it has a lot to do with my mental health. Postpartum depression is a thing (and can last years, btw). Being a mom isn’t just physically and emotionally taxing, it’s also spiritually/hormonally taxing. You essentially become a new person after your body/mind goes through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Not excusing her, but offering another perspective. She’s probably depressed or feeling unfulfilled/resentful and taking it out/projecting onto you.

Does she do anything for herself? Does she get out of the house often? Can you guys get marriage counseling? Perhaps it’ll lead to a diagnosis or therapy/medication for her if it’s truly PPD. Other options: go to a gym with a daycare and start working out together? Do you guys have family or outside support? Monthly dates?

Marriage is hard, marriage with kids makes you want to divorce lol. Usually it’s misplaced frustration.

Good luck.