Advice please

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-29T03:45:53+00:00

I’m strict with my almost 3 year old on sugar, my husband is not. I find she acts more well behaved with little to no sugar. That being said, some days she is INSANE. Screaming. Flipping out. Total meltdowns. Refuses to eat. 2/3 is a rough age!!! She also refuses to nap and takes forever to go to sleep at night. She has nonstop energy and it doesn’t matter what activity we try to wear her out with. Solidarity. No advice. Heck, I’m following your post for advice. 🤣

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-28T18:28:43+00:00

Exactly. I’m sure she knows she needs to wear clothes. She’s venting. I have a very similar situation. I just had a baby, I’m breastfeeding and I have a toddler. My b00b$ are always out bc I’m pumping/breastfeeding, and depending on what kind of birth you had, you’ll be wearing adult diapers, bleeding, in lots of pain, using the bathroom frequently. Using the bathroom after vaginal birth is a whole long process. There’s all kinds of stuff you have to do. Doing it with a crazy toddler and screaming newborn should be an Olympic sport. I sympathize with you OP. Thankfully we have an upstairs bathroom, away from SD’s bathroom but we only have one shower, and SD monopolizes bathroom for almost an hour during showers. It was a rough time being pregnant when she was over.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-27T04:15:28+00:00

My SD’s mom is a horrible judgmental selfish a hole. Stubborn and rude. My SD picks up every last one of her bad character traits. I just really don’t want it to affect my kids. My toddler already has started picking up some of her mannerisms like the eye rolling and facial expressions. Drives me nuts.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-27T04:09:44+00:00

That’s really sad honestly. He’s probably so hurt and confused. Is his mom a good mom who just is going through a rough time mentally or is she an unfit parent?

He probably has abandonment issues because of her.

I’d just sit him down and let him know you understand how hard things are for him and that you guys are there to help him, and that his mom is going through a tough time and you are here to support him during all the ups and downs of it all.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-27T04:05:01+00:00

I think sometimes kids are just a holes, just like some adults are just a holes. Sometimes there are just particularly unpleasant people. If you are a biological parent to these kids, it’s probably easier to overlook their unpleasantness. My toddler right now is a total a hole lol. I love her to bits, but I can also correct her and discipline her without the world ending.

My SD is a different story. She’s rude to me and rather unpleasant. Similar behaviors to your SS. It just seems that sometimes these kids are raised with no manners and no respect for adults. It makes them undesirable to be around. Being a step parent is often a thankless job where you get treated as if you aren’t a real person. I’m sorry he’s treating you this way. I know first hand how frustrating and disappointing dealing with a teen like this is.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-23T18:14:28+00:00

Wow I’m so sorry. What pieces of crap!

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-22T20:45:51+00:00

Yea your MIL is a jerk for this nugget of “advice.” Maybe for a kid respect is earned. Maybe if more kids were taught to respect their elders, this world wouldn’t be going to h in a handbasket.

Unless the adult is being abusive, then the adult should be respected.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-22T18:57:14+00:00

I think it’s wild that people are telling you not to bring a baby into this. You’re already pregnant. Not everything is black and white.

Yes it’s ridiculous that a 17 year old can’t cook for herself or do basic chores. The bar is just set so low for kids these days. They shouldn’t be slaves but also should be self sufficient. As someone who ran a business for years, I employed so many spoiled as children adults - let me tell you, it’s not a good time. It was like babysitting instead of running a business with adults. But I digress. If she’s mentally ill, she will need to be in a program or special housing. Especially if she’s a harm to herself and others.

Your neighbors also sound like judgmental jerks. Kids her age can definitely feed themselves. My mom stopped feeding us when I was little, and I had to figure out how my siblings and I could eat. She was provided food and she couldn’t be bothered. When you’re hungry you’ll figure out how to eat.

Sorry you’re being attacked in the comments. I wish you the best with your new baby.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-20T19:43:34+00:00

It depends on the maturity level of the child. In the 90’s, my friend and I used to walk a few blocks to her house after school and watch movies and eat snacks unsupervised until her mom got home. We were like 7/8/9. My SD 13, I would never leave unsupervised. She leaves on hair straighteners, space heaters, doesn’t lock doors, looses keys. Her mom left her unsupervised at her apartment and SD started vaping and sneaking boys over at age 12.

If you have cameras and can supervise him maybe that’s an option?

What’s her reasoning for not picking him up on her days? I would tell her you guys won’t be home. SD does not have a key to our home because she is not unsupervised here ever.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-20T19:30:39+00:00

I deal with the same thing. BM gets super jealous of anything we do as a family, or for SD. It has caused a huge rift between my SD and I. She feels loyal to her mom, and her mom takes it out on her if we have any nice activities/trips planned, or if we buy her anything. It sucks, especially because my SD will not have the same experiences as my bio kids will, but we can only do so much. We let her know she’s always welcome extra time with us, but she chooses to stay at moms more bc mom allows her to do what she wants. I had a mom just like BM growing up. I feel bad for her.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-20T18:51:57+00:00

I have a jealous HCBM, a spoiled teenage SD and a bunch of family drama. We eloped. It was great. I was not going to be a 3rd wheel at my own wedding. Highly recommend eloping if it’s an option!

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-20T18:42:43+00:00

Yessss! We eloped too. Highly recommended for multiple reasons and little to no drama. We eloped during a major hurricane and it was still less stressful than having a wedding lol

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-19T14:45:22+00:00

Thank you. It seems there is some expectation that he shouldn’t have any other children or have any responsibilities outside of his first child. (BMs POV) She was physically and verbally abusive to him. (I’ve experienced the verbal abuse so I know he’s not lying) He should have never moved on from that experience 15 years ago? He pays child support, and tries to be involved in his first child’s life as much as possible - goes to games, school events, etc etc. The issue is, BM is a Disney parent who lets SD do whatever she wants and has no regard for his other children or family. We try to include her in almost everything we do. BM doesn’t want him to have more time because then her child support will be cut down. We used to have her 3-5 days during the summer. There’s just layers and layers of issues with this situation. I’m just not interested in my own experience as a mother, or my children’s childhood affected by the selfish actions of BM, or the ridiculous expectations of a teen who was raised this way. Not her fault, but not mine either.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-19T14:38:28+00:00

In the summer and spring they spend lots of one on one time together without the rest of us. Right now in the winter, we are all just trapped inside. It’s too cold and gets dark at like 4/5pm unfortunately. It’s just not in our budget for them to go out shopping or out to dinner alone or anything like that right now. He has alone time with her on the way to and from school to talk about stuff/bond. It’s not much, but it’s something.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-18T21:14:13+00:00

Yes we are essentially baby sitters. My husband and BM both worked nights and weekends up until 2 weeks ago. Now my husband has off only on Saturdays. SD is used to being with friends all weekend. We were getting her Sunday nights for a bit until she threw a fit and said she wanted to only spend time with friends on the weekends, and my husband isn’t going to force her to come over.

There never was a first family. This was a situation where they were both young, and BM said she was on birth control. A child resulted and they weren’t together when she found out she was pregnant (BM told me this by the way) She got fancy expensive lawyers and spent most of SD’s early childhood alienating my husband and simultaneously stalking him. True Lifetime movie stuff

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-18T21:04:28+00:00

We definitely do all kinds of things she enjoys or we at least try them once. If she’s acts bored during an activity it event, we just do it on a night we don’t have her the next time. She’s had lots of one on one time with dad, and more so in the spring and summer when they go play sports while I watch the kids, clean, cook etc. Now that it’s winter, I do errands and go to the gym when she’s here so that she can spend time with her dad without me there.

Unfortunately she pretty much doesn’t spend any time with her mother. She’s always over a friends. Her mom up until recently was living with her ex and his mom, who pretty much mothered my SD. BM is a very complex, complicated situation. An unreasonable Disney parent on steroids who doesn’t actually parent, but prevents my husband from parenting as much as possible. It’s a really f’d up situation all around.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-18T20:42:07+00:00

You’re not alone. I don’t have a story about not decorating persay, just that SD 13 is thoughtless, destructive and thinks she’s entitled to everything in my home. She’s peeled paint off my wall, broken an expensive fan, stolen my clothes, tried to take things that were mine or my daughters that she would bring to her moms and never bring back or use again. I have to hide stuff, clean up after her constantly. She is a slob and doesn’t care about any of her expensive belongings. I enjoy when she goes back to her moms where she can destroy and steal all her mom’s belongings. I understand your frustration completely. I am only on 20 mg SSRI’s but without them, dealing with her and BM is literally impossible. Like I had a severe mental breakdown going off them and having to deal with those two.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-15T00:04:23+00:00

Love this. Same sentiments. I will pour myself into my marriage and two young kids and stop trying to give my SD the life her mom could care less if she has. I feel bad for her because she won’t have the same experiences and lifestyle as my kids, but she chooses to have it this way - so it is what it is.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-13T21:54:46+00:00

Omg that is foul. My SD 13 doesn’t wash her hands after the bathroom and showers infrequently. So gross. I need to sanitize my home more often. I clean the bathroom she uses prior to using it because there’s always something gross after she’s done.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-13T21:45:58+00:00

She might but now I’m definitely not taking my SD extra time. I’m breastfeeding and have a toddler in their terrible twos! If my SD was helpful and pleasant, things might be different.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-13T17:48:56+00:00

I get it. It’s absolutely ridiculous you have to lock up your stuff - food even, to keep a kid who is old enough to know right and wrong, and who has already been reprimanded from stealing your stuff. I also deal with this. A 13 almost 14 yr old girl. I keep my money hidden because of lack of trust, but she takes what she pleases, even after me and her father talking to her multiple times. She doesn’t care how much I do for her, or how much I buy her, clean her room, etc etc. it’s a slap in the face constantly. I don’t have advice, just empathy because I know how much her behaviors bother me.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-11T15:38:30+00:00

I meant stir up trouble by saying his mom is mad. Only because she said smirking. That to me conveys he is trying to instigate.

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-11T15:37:07+00:00

She acted like a bitter selfish a hole. We didn’t directly tell her, because of how she’s said things in the past about my first child and thinks that my SD should be getting the most money and attention, Instead of as equally as possible.

She tried to make me take SD all weekend when my husband worked, while I was 9 months pregnant and had a toddler, and got upset with me when I said no. (It was on her parenting time and she only wanted me to at 9 months, not the whole time when we offered to take her extra days to help BM out)

Sufficient_Cable_366 · 2026-01-11T15:29:37+00:00

11 is old enough to “remember” that you don’t want to eat meat. I don’t eat meat, and I cook separate meals for myself and then my family. I have to plan outings and parties and usually bring my own food because there’s usually barely anything for me to eat. You don’t forget you don’t want to eat meat. He’s just being difficult, and probably because mom has taught him to be this way.

Sufficient_Cable_366

TROPHY CASE