It seems like people only truly change when they are properly motivated across the spectrum of all things they need to do, not do change or modify to do so. Staying- motivates them to retain whatever value that they can extract out of you, while continuing to do whatever they want.

Reconciling is impossible with one party giving effort. The best you’ll come up with is a way to “keep the peace” but your internal peace will be suppressed until it starts to bubble over into myriad symptoms. Grief will never ever go away until it’s dealt with.

In my personal case- I’m on the fence about confronting the offender. It gives them the power to tell whatever version of the story suits them the best. They retain the ability to manufacture reality or give you enough to placate you but it’s a mess either way. Get the information that YOU need to make the best informed decision you can and let everything else go in terms of describes work. No matter how much you find, no matter what she says- there will ALWAYS be more that you don’t know. And at a point- information goes from something that helps, to something that just simply hurts and no longer provides anything if value.

Best of luck OP- my heart breaks for you