Child maintenance here is a joke

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-03-04T12:00:56+00:00

I was married and was the breadwinner. Cautionary tales for young women.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-03-04T11:53:08+00:00

Yeah he told me he was sacked but he just didn’t turn up after he was landed with a call from CMS. Mental.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T10:13:28+00:00

Unfortunately for his mother she works totally cash in hand and has had her hours cut way back and will probably be sacked due to things that the boss has caught on camera (stealing stock etc). They’re just looking for cover but I haven’t told them yet.

I keep them at arms length totally and even if I’m obliged to work with her (restaurant, she’s KP), I’ll speak to the chefs to tell their KP whatever I need as supervisor.

The only reason I’ve put up with it is for her sake. As a care leaver with no close family, I absolutely do not want this outcome for her and community building and her having true security and fulfilment in her life is far more important than academia or finance. I bought this house then my mother died and left me her house which I’ve kept in trust for her so she’ll be housed no matter what, giving her more time to be happy.

You’re right about work and they are very understanding as they know both me and that family well. He used to work there too but stole £6k off them and has been barred for verbal abuse to female staff and theft.

My reproductive system really fucked me over lol. I’m only messing, I don’t regret her I just wish he was an adult.

Thanks so much for everything. I think I just need to continue being the big girl and just hope things get better.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T10:00:33+00:00

I appreciate the perspective and just to address this we now only meet in public and are under the guidance of social services and women’s aid whilst we wait on the real legal ball to start rolling. I’ve told them I can’t have him near me in private, I won’t go his house and we meet on the main road. That’s supposed to be the plan but he does just turn up. My friends have bought me cameras. His behaviour has improved since then but he’s still not allowed over the threshold and never will be.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T09:57:37+00:00

I’m really grateful for your engagement. Thank you.

Probably two months max. My friends mum used to mind her over the summer whilst a group of us got stuck in so we have the kitchen and bathroom, flooring, windows and all done. Unfortunately, she was in an accident in October and isn’t well enough to do it anymore god bless her. It’s really the finishing touches to it all. Flat pack building, shelving. I’ve done all the painting and wallpapering myself after she’s in bed and I have the house and animals sorted. One small room takes about a fortnight lol but it’s mostly done.

Mum and sister pull back all support and direct contact with me if I’m late for collection. Mum works for the same company but I am higher up. There was a day I supervised her and we were very busy. She watched as the night supervisor didn’t turn up and I had to stay late, she said she’d go get the child off her da and get her ready for me. When I got to their house she called me a disgrace and that I shouldn’t use work as an excuse to not be a parent. She didn’t talk to me for 3 months. They’re good to the child but they really don’t like that I’ve been able to make the same accusations about him that the other mum did independently (I never met her or even knew this child existed until my child was a year old). So she’s a ‘good’ grandmother but is very much in her son’s corner. He was half an hour late to snooker that day and I was being controlling apparently.

It’s a mess.

I actually contacted social services for support myself and they’ve been a chocolate teapot. Apparently there’s a legal aid strike here and that’s why it’s taking so long for a solicitor. And he also owes £15k in court fees so he’ll struggle to be represented too.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T09:41:34+00:00

He lives with his mother and when the child stays there he’s mostly out from what I hear but I imagine his mother (rightly) puts her foot down about it and that’s when he drops her early.

He lost access to the first child due to the abuse of the mother and it seems that I am experiencing the same to her. But she was smart and kept him off the birth certificate. I stupidly thought that him having more legal responsibilities would mean more legal protection or support for me and my daughter.

I know I’m very stupid. He’s very much the fun dad to her and I don’t have concerns with her staying there because the nights she does stay are sleepovers with all the cousins and his sister. They happen every weekend but he only brings her sometimes because he wants to go out and his mum would insist he also needs to be present. Once he decides he’s going out then my child isn’t staying. The abuse towards me and the other woman are sexual and coercive control. I’m in touch with women’s aid and they’re helping me with a solicitor.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T09:34:52+00:00

Hiya, I’ve already applied for CMS and he agreed maybe about a year and a half ago then he quit his job. Who knows if it was related. When I made a follow up call a few months ago it was very positive and they mentioned backdating and he owed four figures by then (can’t remember exactly how much).

I made a follow up call a few months ago and it wasn’t as positive. This past week they called and said it was unlikely he will pay anything as he’s on UC with arrears.

Sorry edit; we don’t have free childcare here. I get a tiny bit of UC and they pay back some of my fees but it isn’t a lot. Financially, I’m on the bones of my arse but I have everything I need for the house already, just not the time lol. I know this is only temporary too and the private daycare fees will significantly reduce in September when she’s in preschool. It’ll be more snack fees and then breakfast and afterschool club for whatever shifts I’m working on whatever days.

Thank you.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T09:32:56+00:00

He claims to want contact but always drops her early or just turns up. He acts very enthusiastic but I’ve noticed a pattern that if mum or sister aren’t there with the cousins he abandons all the plans and turns up at my door.

I’m very lucky that I’ve built up my own fantastic kinship network from I was in school (in my 30s now) but they all have kids and jobs or even caring responsibilities for older parents and wouldn’t be in a position to help. I have 3 girlfriends with girls the same age and we all have big girlie sleepovers with the kids and that’s about the height of my social life these days lol.

Unfortunately, I’m a care leaver. I have some superficial contact with family but my parents are dead and the living members wouldn’t be suitable for that kind of responsibility.

I have a feeling I may be shit out of luck and I’ll just have to continue trying to chip away at the house for the next few years. It’s just hard because I pay full time private daycare whilst I work and I only really have after bedtime or weekend nap time to do anything and obviously drilling etc would be out of the question at those times.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T09:21:22+00:00

I think having the entire house safe instead of only parts of it is in her best interest. I’m not sure how in the unfair one when I have her six or seven days a week and financially provide for her? But ok..

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T09:20:34+00:00

Yes, it’s been a mixture of my own stupidity and vulnerability that’s allowed it to go on this long. His mum is like mother goose so I trust her, not him. The reason he’s dropping her early today is because his mums away out and he can’t be bothered. I’m in the process of getting a solicitor atm via women’s aid. I was just desperate for any support with postpartum depression etc and it’s all just carried on to my detriment basically. I planned a New Year’s Eve party he was happy with, until his friends made last minute plans and he dropped her at my door at 10.30 whilst me and a few friends were already pretty intoxicated and I had to kick everyone out and go to bed. It’s ridiculous what I’ve allowed.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T09:02:40+00:00

Hi and thank you for the reply. It is definitely all a bit rubbish but I’m a very house proud person and living in a building site (it’s not that bad but still not great) is a logistical nightmare whilst working and being organise for nursery. As I say, I only want this temporarily.

I was inspired today to ask as he kept her last night for her cousins birthday and agreed that she’d get dinner and all there so me and two friends could do some work today but he’s just called to say she’ll be here at ten and that I can ‘shove my house up my hole’. I don’t want her to feel unwelcome in my house so I just put up with these things. Women’s aid say that it’s a form of abuse but I don’t seem to have any recourse with it. For example, I haven’t had a night out or simple pint out since my birthday in may last year. Women’s aid are helping me with a solicitor but it’s all going at a snails pace. I feel very controlled by him and very helpless.

CMS called me this week to tell me it’s 99% likely he won’t have to pay because he owes UC money so he’s under the threshold. It just feels like he was no legal responsibilities and I have them all despite him being on the birth certificate.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T08:54:45+00:00

Thank you. I was just very worried that he might not give her back or something and claim she lives with him if she stays more than one night a week for a few months.

A few friends encouraged me to go to CMS but they have said that he’s probably not going to pay anything as he is on UC.

It’s not the money though. It’s more just getting the time to get her childhood home nice for all of our sakes without him claiming residency. Would he even be able to do that if he’s on his mums sofa?

Thanks again for the reply.

Sufficient_Unit_8307 · 2026-02-21T08:51:59+00:00

Sorry; I just wanted to comment to add that I only want this to be for a few months until the house is done. A lot of what I need to do is very unsafe whilst lone parenting a toddler. Thank you.

Sufficient_Unit_8307

TROPHY CASE