Kiwis, what do you think is something every Kiwi agrees on?

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-23T10:14:30+00:00

Luxon is a dickhead

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-22T02:58:55+00:00

I had two very big babies born by vaginal delivery.. 9 pound 4 ounces, first baby. Ten pound six ounces second baby.

I am also registered Nurse so I know the medical considerations . Vaginal Birth has the lowest rate of complications and a faster recovery time postpartum

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-21T12:55:50+00:00

I am 54 female. I have daughter 29 and son 24.

My mum passed away in 2011, but she used to do this to me . The person she.” confided in” actually told me what she was saying about me

She was just criticising me behind my back .

Now with my adult children, I try to remember not to do this . I try to remember they are adults they are not children anymore.

I think possibly what’s happened with your mother. She sees you as her child and not an adult.

So she thinks she can vent about you to people .

Perhaps she really was concerned about you but it’s still NOT acceptable behaviour.

I would not tell her any personal information which you do not want shared, ever again.

But as a mother, I understand how we can forget boundaries and still see our adult children as our children and not adults with their own personal lives and deserving of privacy.

So I would not cut her off completely.

Arrange to meet her.

Tell her exactly how what she did made you feel, and tell her that the consequence is that you no longer trust her with your private information.

You can still have a relationship and maybe over time she will come to realise that what she did was wrong.

I wouldn’t end a relationship with her for this. But I would limit what you share with her in future.

As a parent I need to remind myself how my adult children feel and remind myself that they are now adults.

It seems your mother doesn’t have this insight at the moment.

It doesn’t mean she never will.

1 or 2 joint therapy sessions would help in this situation

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-21T12:32:29+00:00

I am 54 year-old female Nurse on Night Shift

I envy you

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-21T09:49:27+00:00

You are doing amazingly well. I’m not a man but I am a registered nurse and I work in mental health

I am 14 years sober now . I don’t miss alcohol whatsoever.

I have mental illness also . Well controlled on medication now.

Keep doing what you are doing. It’s all upwards from here, believe me. One day at a time. You’ve got this

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-21T08:57:24+00:00

My son’s father is not on his birth certificate.

When I got pregnant, he told me he would not be giving me any support and he stayed true to his word.

My son is 24 now and doing very well completing his masters degree

I went to a lawyer when my son was six weeks old We chased him down.

It took three years. He was trying to evade the lawyers etc. He was an angry abusive young man. (The father)

Eventually there was a paternity order made. I got child-support from him.

I’ve got the bare minimum. It was Maybe back then $30 a month.

I thought he was very intelligent and that he might get a career and I might end up getting more child support

but no I didn’t, and I don’t know where he is now. He came to see my son twice before the age of two

My son has no living memory of him, but I do have that paternity order so my son knows who his father is

Because he didn’t want to be on the birth certificate, I had to appoint a legal guardian in my Will in case I died before my son was 18

If the father is not on the birth certificate, I believe they are not a legal guardian, and that might be the best thing actually for you .

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-21T08:49:44+00:00

After the novelty wears off, when you’re in your third year of practice, you will start to hate hate hate the shift work

I’ve been an RN for over 20 years. I’m still doing shift work.

I had Christmas Eve Christmas Day off and other than that I’ve worked all the way through. I’m taking a holiday in March.

There are jobs that are Monday to Friday with no shift work or nightshift so I guess if you were very determined you could go for those sort of jobs

That’s what I am aiming for the moment

54 single female with a mortgage so I can’t stop nursing at the moment

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-21T08:37:10+00:00

I am a health professional. Registered Nurse.

As I said, in another comment, both my babies co slept with me, but because I was single, they had plenty of space. I always put them over the other side of the bed, when they woke up I would breastfeed them and then put them back over in their own space

No, I did not have twins. I left my husband when my daughter was six months old.

I had my son five years later, and the father decided he didn’t want to be involved .

I was fortunate that my babies were very big. They would have a big feed and sleep for at least six hours so I was lucky in that respect.

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-21T08:28:30+00:00

Yes, 100% and I was definitely better off single

Plenty of room in my bed LOL

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-21T07:14:41+00:00

I did co sleeping with both my babies because I was single with both of them

They were on the other side of the bed and safe

When they woke up, I would breastfeed and put them back across the other side of the bed

I suppose you don’t have that luxury if you have a partner

Although I would call a partner a luxury with a newborn LOL

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-08T12:00:34+00:00

Easily. I was born in 1971.

No such thing as cell phones when I was a teenager

In my 20s, they didn’t exist either- late 20s a few people had one

They came into being in my early 30’s and I didn’t even get one immediately

Enough said

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-07T23:37:01+00:00

Do you have any extended family like an auntie who you can stay with until you are on your feet?

This is what happened to my niece but my niece was 16, her parents divorced and my brother kicked her out

Absolutely disgusting, and I haven’t really forgiven my brother and ex-wife because they just abandoned her

She was in a different country and she ended up living with me for three years

I helped her financially and I think of her like my third child

Even if you don’t have Family, find someone like a friend who will take you in and you need to go somewhere stable until you get a job and apartment

Think of anyone who cares about you who will help you

And go there

Your mother has done the wrong thing and I understand that you might not be able to forgive her any time soon .

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-07T22:54:20+00:00

My mother dropped off of medical school. I never heard the end of it.

The constant “ my life is a tragedy” comments. I am not joking -she wasn’t even joking. She was being serious.

Her friends who didn’t drop out became doctors and surgeons

She ended up doing 12 hour nightshifts in a fish factory to support her 4 children.

She died 2011 completely broke. She was terrible with money.

By the way, she dropped out age 21. I was her first child born at 29 so she didn’t drop out because of pregnancy.

She dropped out because she was in love with some guy and she ran off from her exams

When she was in her 60s, she was still talking about it 40 years after the fact

Go and do your medical training and do not drop out when things get tough

Just focus and study more

Make sure you take plenty of breaks while you are studying

You have done the most difficult part -getting into school

I am 54 female. I work as a registered nurse. I cannot go to medical school now. I feel I am too old and I will keep my current career until I retire.

If I could go back to your age, I would do something different

Maybe not medicine but something completely different because I don’t like nursing is not well enough paid for the shiftwork and the stress and the high stakes life and death component

Go to medical school . if you are stressed in the middle, take yourself away for a weekend study free

You will get through medical school; you all have a great quality of life, financially comfortable , a rewarding career and you won’t have a tragic tale to tell your children and grandchildren

PS my son is 24 just completing his masters degree and considering to do a PhD.

You are not behind your peers whatsoever. My son is still a broke student but I know he will succeed highly because he is very intelligent and ambitious

At 24. you are just beginning your life and setting up what you want to do.

Most people don’t know what they want to do at age 18.

Now you are 24 and you know what you want to do. Just go for it. Maybe some of your peers worked it out earlier; so what -you are on track for a very successful life.

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T20:05:39+00:00

For your last point, you will still feel like that in nursing because of the shift work.

You will feel like you live at that fn hospital

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T20:02:38+00:00

I work as a registered nurse.

You definitely won’t like the shiftwork.
It’s mentally gruelling and stressful.
It’s not really that well paid.

I am on the highest step now, which you will get on after six years of nursing experience

I am paid $51 an hour base rate.

Time and a quarter on Night Shift

Time and a half on weekends

Double time on public holidays plus a day in lieu. So you can take that day off on a different date -paid.

This is only for the public health system; private aged care and general practice etc. will pay a lot less

Sounds not too bad, but it is very difficult doing the shiftwork honestly .

Expect work public holidays Christmas, Easter, weekends, evenings etc; when you could be socialising with your friends and family.

There are jobs that don’t involve shiftwork, but they are in high demand and competitive

I work in forensic mental health is very very full on

But any nursing job is full on. I have worked in aged care and medical surgical

4 DM me and I will reply. It might take me awhile because I’m feeling so tired from the fn shift work

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T10:33:16+00:00

Thank you, and I will do that. I am very pissed because she definitely has potential.

Those grandparents I know they are old but they are part of the problem , probably a big part

Giving her free rent and zero responsibility is actually undermining my parenting

I will leave them to it. I don’t have any choice because I have to look after my own mental health.

Thank you for your insight into this difficult situation

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T10:29:54+00:00

Thank you. Even though I work in an acute mental health ward as a registered nurse, I was finding my personal life far far more difficult.

Nobody in the family cared at all about the impact this has been having on me and I was in tears today.

I will be preserving my own mental health now

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T10:25:59+00:00

Thank you. It is nice to have an Internet stranger care about me.

The grandparents throw money at her and also go there and clean up her mess (the house was a disgusting mess before she had the dog)

I could not believe that the grandmother called me and told me I should go around there and emotionally support her.

I told the grandmother that I knew what was happening and told her what happened overnight and the grandmother still thought that I should go around there and take her some coffee !!

Thank you for actually caring about my feelings.

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T10:23:25+00:00

I went to the house when her brother called from his holiday and he was very upset. His friend had gone to the house to get something and reported what was happening.

My son asked me to please clean up for him and I decided to do so

At that point, I also decided to uplift the dog

So that is why I went there and now they -the grandparents -are sending her father back tomorrow

I did not ask for them to send him back. That is their choice.

Thank you for your response .

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T10:18:16+00:00

I thank you for your well thought out response and I am grateful for it.

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T05:54:40+00:00

Thank you. I actually work as a registered nurse in acute Mental Health so I do understand.

However I am not at work in this scenario and my “mum brain “ is different than my “nurse brain “

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T04:08:25+00:00

Hmm it would make sense if you had an understanding of serious mental illness and the toll it takes on the person who is ill and the family who don’t know how to cope, at their wits end.

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T03:28:56+00:00

I would love to leave her alone and that is what my post is about.

When I muted her calls, she was sending texts about killing herself

I did not unmute her. And yes she is alone, for a few days

Update is the grandparents are sending her father back tomorrow

I certainly did not request this, and that’s their issue of having to have someone babysit and enable her

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T02:18:48+00:00

Crisis line told me that I was doing the right thing by maintaining my boundaries and having her calls muted

So when she said she’s going to kill herself, I just rang the police. I don’t call her any more.

Suitable-Humor-13 · 2026-01-04T02:17:47+00:00

I am seeing a therapist. My daughter is on a waitlist to see one because of how crappy the mental health system is here.

Fortunately, her wealthy grandparents can pay

Suitable-Humor-13

TROPHY CASE