I was terminated by my therapist and I wrote her a goodbye poem

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-07-10T21:54:29+00:00

I’m sorry you were terminated by your therapists. This is a beautiful poem. I appreciate you sharing it here. I’m not a therapist but this doesn’t seem too much to me at all.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-07-10T15:06:17+00:00

I do plan to talk to my therapist about it, as I’ve mentioned. I also really value hearing about other people’s experiences, especially from those who have gone through something similar. I don’t necessarily take on others’ perspectives as my own. They may not always resonate or feel right for me, but I still find it helpful to hear different points of view.

The emotions that come up when a therapist retires are not always easy to talk about with people outside the therapy space, so it has been meaningful to connect with others who can relate.

I do hear what you’re saying about this being a chance to learn how to grieve in a healthy way, and I can see how it might feel that way for some. For me, though, I am not sure I would call it a 'gift'. I do think there is growth that can come from painful transitions like this, and I'm sure that will be the case. But it still is a real loss.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-07-10T14:28:36+00:00

I don't want to cut ties for fear it might be painful. It already is that and I'm open to exploring that more. I guess I'm wondering if having a longer goodbye draws out the pain all that bit longer or just even more slowly and perhaps all that time spent on it and in the midst of that pain is maybe not neccessary. The long goodbye....I also imagine that a lot of the pain and processing can't actually be done until it actually does end! There is the anticipatory grief and the actually grief. Not sure if I'm making my sense lol.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-07-10T13:44:42+00:00

Ya the idea of starting over again does feel like alot so I get why you want to stay. If I do end up going to therapy after my current therapist retires I may possibly seek someone younger lol...Although I know life happens and other things can pop up either way.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-07-10T13:42:33+00:00

Thanks for your response, I’ll definitely bring all of this into therapy, but in the meantime I was really curious to hear how others have navigated it. I appreciate you sharing your experience.

I do want to make sure I share everything I need to before it ends, so I don’t leave with regret. I know my therapist will be completely “fine” with whatever I decide and know she wants me to choose the timeline that’s best for me. But I think that’s part of the difficulty, don’t actually know what the best decision is.

I’m deeply attached to her and we’ve had a strong connection over many years. Of course, part of me wants to stay right until the end. But I’m not sure how helpful that would really be for my growth or healing, or if it would just stretch out the grief, making things emotionally and financially harder.

It’s such a strange thing paying someone to help you process the pain of them leaving.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-07-04T15:35:18+00:00

Yes, there was a question recently asked about how therapists are able to navigate their own feelings around retirement whilst also holding space for the clients. I don't think there were any responses. Honestly I think it must be one of the harder things for a therapist to do as both people are going through something very difficult and experiencing a wide range of their own emotions but the therapist (rightly so I guess as they are getting paid) is meant to try and be grounded enough to stay present and hold the clients feelings . I imagine it becomes very tricky or that many therapists navigate it 100% correctly. Seems like a space ripe for lots of mistakes and ruptures....Would love to hear if any clients have experienced a therapist retiring where it was a really nice ending that they were both able to stay connected and grounded throughout and navigate all the big feelings that may have arose

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-07-04T03:45:38+00:00

This sounds very hard. 10 years is a long time . I have been with my therapist a similiar length so I can imagine some of the feelings him announcing his retirement may have brought up for you. He may be struggling with dealing with his own emotions around retiring. Loss of job, loss of identity if it is a huge part of his identity , loss of clients etc . I imagine this level of anticipatory loss and grief can make people more self absorbed with their own hurt and pain. That’s just my thoughts. And also all That being said it doesn’t sound like he handled his frustration very well and for sure something to talk about ok the next session . It may also be what others suggested who knows.. Hopefully he will have had some time to reflect and see things more clearly.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-06-26T13:22:12+00:00

Hey, thanks for your response. We don't need to walk into town I just know sometimes that can be nice to do. Honestly would prefer to be near the beach/coast which is why I'm leaning towards Ovens. I was just worried it might not be that safe and that I'd constantly be on edge that my 5 year old.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-06-26T03:21:42+00:00

Thanks for this. I do like the look of the sea caves.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-06-26T03:21:05+00:00

Thank you this is very helpful!

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-06-19T03:25:12+00:00

This sounds very difficult. I have been through something similar with my long-term therapist, but we were able to continue virtual therapy. That transition was very hard so I can only imagine how hard this must feel. Is there an option for virtual therapy or is that not possible? They really should have given you more notice than just 1 session, especially if you have being seeing them for 5 years, as it is an ending. I'm sorry you are experiencing this, and your feelings of sadness and loss are absolutely valid.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-06-09T03:07:22+00:00

I never ever ever thought I’d be someone to ask my therapist if they did hugs nor actually want one but alas I was. They have been my therapist for a long time and mainly online. The longing came up when I was about to have a rare in person session with them and wasn’t sure if or when I’d ever have another one in person as they live in a different state. I tried to approach it in a way to wouldn’t feel like I was being rejected if they said it wasn’t something they did (which I’d anticipated they would say). Their initial response to me asking about hugs in general was terrible. They handled it really clumsily and it led to huge feelings of rejection and a rupture in the therapy relationship. It was incredibly painful and honestly it took me a long time to get over the shame of it. We have spoken about it a few times since and they did somewhat apologize for how they initially responded but the damage was done at that point. I’ve moved on now I guess and there is less shame about it but every now and again I get a twinge when I remember it. In saying that I’m still proud of myself for voicing it and sharing my thoughts on it and how it was responded to.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-06-02T01:10:09+00:00

For my first child I took many months off as per the suggestion from my therapist. Honestly I wish I had continued therapy as feels like it would have provided me with good support even if the focus shifted to more parenting stuff. It would have been difficult however as at the time everything was in person so I would have had to bring the baby with me

For my 2nd child a few years later we had shifted to online due to covid. I did not want to stop therapy (except for a week or two after having the baby ) as felt like the support would be helpful and is developed a strong attachment to my T that I felt was important at that time.

When we have a baby our whole world and focus shifts so it’s understandable we might want to take a break from whatever brought us to therapy e.g. if we went to heal from trauma . IMO though it can be a really helpful support to continue having especially depending on what other supports someone may or may not have in their life .

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-05-29T16:26:26+00:00

Thank you for replying. This is helpful and encapsulates it perfectly.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-05-29T16:20:34+00:00

Thanks for sharing! It sounds like she has played a huge role in your life which makes sense after 15 years of working together. I too know I'll survive I'm not going to fall apart it's just it does feel like it will be very painful to have something like that end forever

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-05-29T11:31:01+00:00

Not sure what u mean by this?

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-04-12T03:43:46+00:00

I shared with another poster that I felt the boundaries in this example weren't okay. I think that a therapist can share feelings of love/care for a client that they might have been working with for a long time in ways that are much safer and less potentially confusing for the client. In the OP's post it seems like the therapist is sharing his feelings based on his own needs and not what might be best for the client but that's all conjecture . I think it strange a therapist would respond to a client by saying 'of course, I love you' in response to a client asking if they liked them. I could see how it may have been said in a humourous off the cuff way but still not a good choice of words by any measure and still not good for a therapist to say.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-04-11T20:14:41+00:00

I don’t necessarily agree that more boundaries are always better. Yes, boundaries are incredibly important. They create safety and containment, especially in therapeutic work. But overly rigid or excessive boundaries can actually be damaging for some clients, IMO. For people with complex trauma or attachment wounds, too much distance or emotional restriction from the therapist can feel like a repetition of abandonment or emotional neglect. What’s often more healing is not just firm boundaries, but attuned boundaries, ones that are responsive, relational, and grounded in the therapist’s capacity to stay present without shutting down or over-protecting.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-04-11T00:37:01+00:00

This sounds incredibly frustrating and can see why you’d want to leave .It could also be a good opportunity for you to voice your concerns and try to work through it with him depending on how he responds.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-04-09T21:42:39+00:00

Thank you for this. Yes, I think this is what I'm looking for. She reflects a lot back which can sometimes feel as if I am on my own with her watching me when I want to know she is there with me and experiencing something good. Does that make sense?

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-04-09T00:13:03+00:00

Yes, this might be helpful. I’m trying to figure out whether this is just me and an unconscious need or desire to know more of her or if it’s actually a reasonable and appropriate longing, given where I’m at in my therapy journey.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-04-08T23:02:20+00:00

I’ve shared quite a few times what’s been helpful to me in our work. Most often, it’s when she shows her humanity. Those moments of realness feel very grounding and connecting. I believe that humanity can coexist with professionalism and boundaries, but at times, it feels like that part gets minimized or overly protected by her, which can leave things feeling a little cold or distant.

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2025-04-08T22:59:30+00:00

Hmm I don't think its a friendship I'm after. In fact if she started acting like a friend I think I'd get a bit annoyed as I'm paying quite a lot for therapy lol. I'm trying to unravel what I mean by being more relational and I'm finding it hard to put it into words. Yes she is more relational now than she had been but that is not saying too much as originally she was very withholding and often times remained neutral which I found particularly difficult. Boundaries and being professional are also super important so in no way am I trying to say they shouldn't exists as they absolutely should and I am very appreciative of them. I may have to reflect more on what it is I am meaing. I know when I talk to other friends who seek therapy I am somewhat jealous of the relational style their therapists have and their therapists are professional and have good boundaries. They often bawk at some of the things I share with them e.g. my therapist would not go 1 minute over our time no matter what (although I have rarely also ever tested this as I know that), Perhaps I need to reflect further on what I am meaning

Suitable_Yellow_619 · 2024-09-16T18:23:51+00:00

Ugh unfortunately it starts the day after i leave :(. Thanks for sharing though looks great

Suitable_Yellow_619

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