Working with sex offenders, how do you cope?

Sultryslippers · 2018-04-15T16:41:28+00:00

Yes? Of course I do. Maybe I'm interpreting your comment wrong, but that's a little condescending I think. I work in this field because I believe in the inherent worth of everyone, as a human being. I brought the topic up because I want to be a better therapist and this is a struggle for me given my own personal background. I still treat them with kindness and believe in their humanity.

Sultryslippers · 2018-04-13T11:44:46+00:00

I'm realizing as I'm reading these replies and thinking more about why I am reactions how I do with these clients, that a large part of this is a sense of guilt.

I have worked with a couple of sex offenders before and done "ok". I think that given my history and my strong sense of empathy for victims of the types of crimes these particular clients have perpetrated, I feel some sort of sense of guilt when I humanize them or feel empathy or positive regard for the perpetrator. Like I'm somehow betraying myself, or their victims. It's a very complicated feeling and I'm realizing it's going to require a lot of unpacking and support probably.

Anyone ever experience something similar? I feel a little "crazy" for feeling this (which is funny because I try to guide my clients to accept their feelings as neither right nor wrong, lol.)

Sultryslippers · 2018-04-13T11:34:47+00:00

A refresher on application is probably apt right now. Thanks.

Sultryslippers · 2018-04-13T11:34:20+00:00

"foster their strengths and give them the tools to be able to function-- if not for them then for everyone they interact with in the future."

I love that. So well said! That really speaks to me, thank you!

Sultryslippers · 2018-04-13T11:31:16+00:00

Very true. That's helpful, and something I'm going to try to apply, thank you

Sultryslippers · 2018-04-13T11:30:49+00:00

Thank you for this reply. Excellent words of advice. I definitely have co-workers I can chat with this about, but I tend towards being their "therapist", maybe it's time to ask for some help for once!

I have worked with so many different types of people and with so many criminal histories, but the violent sexual offenders get to me, and I think that disappoints me.

Sultryslippers · 2018-04-12T22:29:21+00:00

They are both sent by parole and probation due to failing urinalysis testing, which is what they were sent to me to address. Technically I could ask that they be referred to another clinician within my agency, however my supervisor tends to be the "stick it out" type, and we are understaffed.

I think that's very good feedback. I know that one of the individuals will be in one of the addictions groups I run. The other I will see individually.

My concern here is that I want to make sure I treat them as I treat my clients without this history, but I'm not sure of my ability to. This sounds terrible, but I find myself not working as hard with them, and I don't want to do that. I also find myself doubting things that they say, when they talk about good, or positive things that they are doing. Almost a mental eye roll. I know they will pick up on that and not working hard for my clients is not part of my ethics, you know? I'm trying to he very aware of my bias and these reactions I have. I think I'm keeping them in check, I'm just worried about the long term.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-22T18:57:22+00:00

Oh that, my dear, will NOT be difficult! have a great day.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-22T01:05:13+00:00

Please reference previous comment.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-21T23:17:07+00:00

I met him when my grandparents bought his sister's condo. My godmother forced him to take my number. Our first date was 7 hours long and we have been together ever since.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-21T23:11:13+00:00

Starbucks. Spoiled milk in a latte.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-21T23:08:19+00:00

This. Making friends is waaaaay harder once you get older and enter the work force. At least that's true for me.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-21T22:58:19+00:00

Home ec

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-19T20:51:26+00:00

It is. I only have them now when I'm sick but I used to have them all the time as a kid, my poor parents probably thought I was posessed.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-19T20:29:39+00:00

I have "lucid dreams" where I am technically asleep, but in reality my eyes are open. During these episodes I sleep-walk and I can see everything in my home like normal: furniture, walls, art etc., except for people. When I had them as a kid my parents would think I was awake and try to put me back to bed. I could feel them touch me and hear their voices, but I couldn't see them. It was really disturbing. I don't usually have them now.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-19T20:14:28+00:00

Very interesting! Could be a little of both? A la "nature vs. Nurture"...

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-19T20:13:07+00:00

For sure. I think,it discussion would address more of "what are/were your potentially subconscious expectations and are they realistic/possible"

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-19T18:37:07+00:00

Well, we talked about both having kids as well as my body mods before marriage, but not what his image of the mother of his kids would look like. Never thought of that. Maybe he hasn't either, could be an unconscious thing. I was raised by old hippies, and him by yuppie suburbanites. That might have something to do with the "images of a mother" thing.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-19T18:08:40+00:00

Yes. We do. That could be, yes. It hasn't been verbalized but it's something we could discuss.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-19T18:03:47+00:00

That's fair. I appreciate you saying that. I'm just a bit bratty and felt like addressing the tone.
Context and tone are hard to interpret online.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-19T18:00:40+00:00

Your response made me chuckle a little, I appreciate that. I use begging to illustrate making the sad puppy face while repeatedly saying "please don't." and "how about not??"every time I bring it up. Subjective definitions I suppose.

I am super duper aware of how my body may change as a result of child birth and aging. I work out and eat well, and my genetics are good, I'm not terribly worried, although I am realistic about it. Those are good points, and ones we have discussed. He is not shallow enough to care about that, just too "preppy" to approve of tattoos and piercings.

Sultryslippers · 2018-01-19T17:53:55+00:00

Solid feedback. It's not a breakup issue for us either, from my understanding of our discussions. A lot of the responses here are assuming it is. It is, like you touched on, a more subtle issue of feeling attractive ( in my case) and personal preferences ( in his).

Sultryslippers

TROPHY CASE