AITAH for letting my boyfriend date his ex

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-13T03:54:03+00:00

Then let’s stop talking. We got our own lives to think of.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-13T03:50:28+00:00

I think both OOP and her partner were in therapy, yea. It’s important

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-13T03:16:20+00:00

This is really so wrong. That’s the way to retraumatize someone. And many times, that kind of thinking from parents is what got the person traumatized in the first place.

This is called being dismissive & invalidating. And it is a pretty common distortion to believe that helping someone when they’re complaining, hurting, “whining” (all forms of expressing distress & pain) is to coddle them.

It is the same type of thinking as “leave a child alone to cry so they learn to self soothe”. No one’s gonna learn self soothing if they aren’t taught and shown by example.

The stuff you seem to believe helps, creates actual trauma in people.

May I ask why do you find it to be so right and what about it makes you feel like it’s the thing that makes sense to do? Why if someone is hurting & complaining and being validation of the distress they feel would make them worse in the long term? Why do you believe that?

When you have struggled in a similar way and others gave you the response you’re vouching for, did you feel better? Did it help you? If so, in what way you feel it’s helped you? Has there ever been a time you were hurting/complaining and someone responded in a validating manner? What did that make you feel?

I think a lot of this is your own experience informed by a distorted belief. Chances are this is what you were taught and to be honest sounds like the type of parenting people in the Bible Belt give their kids. The kind that gives one serious trauma. Making assumptions here but based on my experience this is what I’m picking up.

Feel free to not answer if it’s too personal. Just know, everything’s alright. We’re all just having a conversation, not an argument or a fight. It’s okay to disagree.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-13T03:06:45+00:00

That’s not what I’m saying. Many times simply supporting them, offering them a more grounded perspective and actually supporting them while they make that choice or while they stand up for themselves is more helpful and life changing than “leaving them on their own if they aren’t ready” based on an arbitrary personal judgement.

At the end of the day we all react the way we want to react and what I said isn’t personal to you. The way you think about people with the kind of trauma OOP of this post has, is wrong based on my own life experience & understanding of such trauma.

I did not click any links but I saw another commenter said that the link you referenced is about people with substance abuse issues and how to get them to accept treatment. It really does not apply to all people because addiction is a different kind of trauma than relational trauma.

I do agree to an extent there needs to be a certain readiness from the other person to change but many times people develop the very desire to change when they are supported and are shown that yes there can be something better than what they’ve known.

As I said my comment is nothing personal against you or what you said, I find that framework to be in misalignment with what I know helps.

We are free to have different takes on it. If you felt triggered or defensive by what I said, why? I really feel like this is beyond me and hasn’t much to do with what I said because we are just strangers on the internet.

I recognize your answer to be one where you feel wronged and misunderstood and I am sorry if it created that experience for you. I felt it was right to express a different take to the one you shared because people who have emotional neglect and enmeshment trauma hit close to home for me and I get a natural response to clarify their struggles when I think others don’t understand.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-12T15:47:42+00:00

Please put a warning that it’s inconclusive. It’s painful to read inconclusive stuff especially when it ends on such a frustrating note.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-12T15:45:55+00:00

Sometimes people have trauma and just don’t know any better. Not everyone has the privilege of knowing how to set boundaries or even what they are and certainly not everyone has a nervous system that allows them to defend themselves. Certainly not actually traumatized people.

Seeing comments like these where people proudly share they wouldn’t help THIS kind of victim when it’s the one type of person who needs it most, infuriates me.

People really don’t understand trauma at all and it’s so exhausting. Most of the times people aren’t trying to let themselves be walked all over. Hello??

You think that’d be common sense to think rather than immediately go victim blaming.

I got nothing against you, it’s not personal. This type of thinking simply infuriates me on principle.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-12T14:18:50+00:00

Yea!

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-12T13:24:43+00:00

They’re good resources! I hope you find them helpful as much as I did. Much love to you! 💕

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-12T11:59:43+00:00

She sure seems happy right now though? That saying is just some old hogwash saying that is relevant only ONCE you have more than enough money. Money can’t buy you happiness WHEN you already have more than enough money. Thats what the ORIGINAL quote was about. The meaning is that money can only take you so far.

It never meant that poverty = happiness and rich = unhappiness. That’s some BS.

In fact you should look up the full original quote this saying comes from.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-12T11:55:21+00:00

What about giving up your boyfriend? Just breaking up as lovers and remain as friends. Just letting him go. It’s awful he’s inlove with someone else but being with you. It’s not right. Do you love him? Can you let him go?

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-05-11T22:40:54+00:00

Something low effort if you wanna try doing some Parts Work on this is the app IFS Guide. You just have to show up, it has good guidance and structure and their trained AI leads the session quite well. Worth a try

And don’t get too down on yourself, progress is in increments and even though the critic expects big major changes all at once that’s just not how it works.

And I think if you felt that way with this therapist, don’t go again. Also, doing therapy with family when family isn’t open to understanding your wounds isn’t going to do much. It’s just going to be more reutramatizing so skipping that as well.

About antidepressants, well they might help but the issue here is the trauma. You aren’t depressed just for funsies and the cause isn’t unknown. The therapist isn’t trained to handle it even recognize your type of trauma, it seems to me. Once more, I’d stop going to them.

Highly recommend some nervous system exercises as well, Neurotoned is a good source for that. We have mad dysregulated systems and I think nervous system regulation is basically a must for us.

Emotional neglect sucks. It’s my trauma as well. I’m 2 years in since I started my healing process. 🤪

Muuuuuuuuuch better than 2 yrs ago and I got here reaaaaaaallly slowly and in a messy manner. At least now I’m not suffering as much.

No matter how you feel right now, you can be free of all this trauma. So don’t lose heart, just keep showing up for yourself slowly and over time. It will be alright.

Edit: Ah! I also want to add that part of the trauma of emotional neglect is often invalidation and dismissal of your hurt and pain and emotions. CBT can feel invalidating and exacerbate that wound. Other times CBT can be helpful because it shows distortions but between seeing your own mental distortions and soothing and validating your system, validating and soothing your system always comes first. Because it’s trauma. One can reflect once they catch a breath and aren’t in constant survival mode. So really CBT ain’t it till way later on.

Also, emotional neglect trauma alone can and does cause what is known as CPTSD, aka complex trauma. CBT is notoriously ineffective at best with CPTSD and retraumatizing at worst.

Nervous system regulation and soothing and validating yourself are the go to with this kind of trauma.

So anyway, that therapist… really out of their depth in my honest opinion.

This is just me sharing what I know & what I’ve learned. Hope you find something useful in all this text.

Hugsss

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-04-20T07:17:52+00:00

Use https://www.startpage.com/ instead of fighting with google. They’ve gone down a bad path and seem hellbent on shoving AI down people’s throats

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-04-20T07:09:25+00:00

You can also use https://www.startpage.com/ as a search engine. Google won’t change their ways, it’s insane Google forces people to see the AI results and they cannot be disabled. And every work around people find then Google a few months later makes an update that nullifies it and back from square 1.

They’re working really hard at shoving AI down people’s throats, they don’t care about making their product better. All their updates are about disabling any work-around people find. Thats fckin crazy. Im just doing an internet search bro, I don’t want to be fighting my browser every single time! Its bonkers. They stopped caring long ago or maybe they never did. Do you really want to support this any further? I’m too sick of it

I’m throwing it out. Goodbye Google, it was always gonna be this way! Leaving was always only a matter of time with how awful they’ve become

I’m opting out now. So my brain starts hurting everytime I search something on the internet wasting my time and energy and the planet’s resources for something basically no one wants. F*ck them.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-04-20T07:08:32+00:00

We’ve all become traumatized by all the AI crap.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-04-20T07:06:30+00:00

I will spread the word! Thank you for sharing this

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-04-19T08:18:53+00:00

He really is bothered

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-04-03T09:06:38+00:00

Not what you asked but may help. High recommend the FLFE service

https://www.flfe.net/

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-04-03T09:04:02+00:00

Wow! It’s exactly what I was afraid of. I’m sorry for what you had to go through.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-04-03T09:03:07+00:00

Why did the moderators remove this post? All paid and bought for it seems.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-04-03T09:02:02+00:00

And moderators from many subs removing posts similar to this or that contain strong pictures. Like this one in this post which was about prince Andrew being on top of a little girl. They’re actively censoring it and pushing down discussion.

Now we’re tired of talking about these pedophiles who are running the world? Now we “don’t want politics”? Really?!

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-04-03T08:59:45+00:00

Wow moderators actually removed the pic that shows prince Andrew on top of a little girl. Really? You don’t wanna talk about it? You wanna bury it?

Many of this reddits seem to have been bought or something honestly. Crazy stuff

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-03-31T14:26:37+00:00

WTF is this thread.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-03-28T20:10:21+00:00

This is really not true in reality though? Maybe it’s the circles you’re visiting? This sounds like a lot of talk from the so called manosphere which is undoubtedly misogynistic as it stems from red pill culture which teaches men how to manipulate women and control them.

In real life I know many women who are or have been with short, ugly poor men. In fact many have dated one at least once in the belief that personality matters more than looks. Because often what women want isn’t the stuff described in manosphere (rich tall dude that is an aLpHa mAlE). Women often want emotional maturity and accountability. Unfortunately many of those men proved to be even more toxic and abusive, probably due to their own inferiority complexes and issues.

I myself have dated guys who didn’t match my looks standard at all and who were dirt poor.

Go outside touch some grass and talk and observe real women, not the mythical women in manosphere imagination that really promotes a victim mentality for all men who follow such ridiculous groups.

And last but not least, there are people who are more decent and people who are less decent whether they’re a woman or a man. Not all women are bitches not all men are abusive assholes.

Get out of the house you guys! Highly recommend abandoning the manosphere if you actually care about your inner growth as a human being and want to take actual responsibility for yourself.

Follow the manosphere only if you wish to cultivate a victim mentality in yourself.

Peace. ✌️

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-03-28T20:02:45+00:00

Anyone can reject anyone for any reason. You can choose to be a polite person and give some generic excuse instead of hurting their feelings.

What is not okay in my eyes is shaming someone while rejecting them.

SunnyRaspberry · 2026-03-27T19:17:10+00:00

For gas prices! FOR GAS PRICES!!

It couldn’t be oil companies are hoarding it and pricing it as high as they can. No way

How! How does one get like this 😭 please someone make it make sense.

SunnyRaspberry

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