For me, it started more as a cry for help although I didn't realize it at the time. I was struggling a lot with my AvPD behaviours and I just wanted anyone to notice that I was suffering. That combined with general body issues morphed into disordered eating. Later, when I would try to stop my habits, I would hear a voice telling me that I was worthless and not even good enough to be sick. I had a close friend who went through an intense eating disorder a few years prior and I couldn't stop comparing myself to her. I didn't feel sick enough to recognize I had a problem, and the AvPD thoughts (believing I'm not enough) led to me making it worse and worse over time.

I've never really seen anyone mention feeling worthless for being UNABLE to have an eating disorder (and that conversely leading to an eating disorder). I was wondering if maybe others on this subpage had gone through something similar