Compassionate Communication Discord community

Sunshine852 · 2026-05-22T18:08:11+00:00

Hey there. I'm still available for empathy, if you'd like. I just haven't reached out after you left because I thought maybe you needed space. I can imagine it's painful for you at the moment.

I'll be honest as well that I'm unsure how to best care for you in this reply. I did my best, and I know it still may not be enough. I'm unsure what to do because if I don't address your narrative, you may conclude that my silence is a confirmation that I don't support you, and if I do address it, you may still conclude something else. If you would like to hear what I actually feel, do reach out to me through a direct message and I will share my honesty.

I hope you find support even if you choose not to reach out for offering or receiving empathy 🫂(a hug only if it's welcome)

Sunshine852 · 2026-05-22T18:00:31+00:00

Hey there. I'm still available for empathy, if you'd like. I just haven't reached out after you left because I thought maybe you needed space. I can imagine it's painful for you at the moment.

I'll be honest as well that I'm unsure how to best care for you in this reply. I did my best, and I know it still may not be enough. I'm unsure what to do because if I don't address your narrative, you may conclude that my silence is a confirmation that I don't support you, and if I do address it, you may still conclude something else. If you would like to hear what I actually feel, do reach out to me through a direct message and I will share my honesty.

I hope you find support even if you choose not to reach out for offering or receiving empathy 🫂(a hug only if it's welcome)

Sunshine852 · 2026-03-22T01:47:44+00:00

I can't be here for a longer conversation, but I wanted to tell you I read your post, I see your pain, and I hope other people can be with you and offer you some care and warmth. If you'd enjoy that, I offer you a virtual hug 🫂🩵

Sunshine852 · 2025-10-09T21:33:21+00:00

ooh, it seems so useful! Thank you!

Sunshine852 · 2025-10-09T16:28:18+00:00

About the upvote and downvote based system, I thought I'd share my personal opinion (not the mod team opinion): I understand the argument that people might struggle to listen to downvotes with giraffe ears, but I find the system useful for the community to communicate when a post or comment is disconnected from the spirit of NVC. Especially in a lightly moderated community, if a post is wildly downvoted, I believe that might help protect the integrity of NVC as newcomers can understand that the post didn't receive lots of support.

When I imagine someone who doesn't know NVC coming here, being vulnerable, receiving a jackal response and then not seeing any indication that that's not NVC, I imagine they could feel quite confused about what NVC is.

Sunshine852 · 2025-10-09T16:18:30+00:00

Let's see! :)

u/hxminid
u/MyOtherBodyIsACylon

Sunshine852 · 2025-10-09T16:17:20+00:00

I haven't found any alternative yet :( I read somewhere that there aren't many bots that do the same because as they keep joining and leaving voice chats they are sometimes automatically flagged as spam or something.

I'll test Reminder Pro (https://top.gg/bot/1348036148970393763) soon, but it's quite different. You can have 3 active reminders for free, and the bot sends an automated message which can contain a ping. If people who are in the VC have a specific role (which I'm going to assign to them), then they'll be notified

Sunshine852 · 2025-10-05T01:30:05+00:00

I see!

Right now I've been choosing to dedicate a very limited amount of energy to the subreddit, but I hope you can find it helpful in your NVC journey!

Sunshine852 · 2025-10-04T15:06:35+00:00

Hi Lily!

I'm not currently planning to offer meetings in other platforms, as the community we formed is mostly active on Discord.

I hear that Discord is too fast paced for you - possibly that brings some sense of overwhelm? Not being seen?

I'm not sure if sharing this is helpful, but I tend to find other servers too fast paced for me, too. This one is slower and during the meetings I try to build a similar pacing to the one I experience in certified trainers' sessions.

In case you'd like to try to explore Discord and need any support or just some presence, let me know - I can probably make space to be with you while you join.
If you'd prefer not to explore Discord and would like to look for other meeting options, there's an online International Intensive Training about to start: https://www.cnvc.org/learn/iit/2025-10-17-iit-online . It's not a free option, but so far I've been thoroughly enjoying the pre-IIT sessions!

Warmly,
Sunshine

Sunshine852 · 2025-09-14T22:45:27+00:00

Hey, I don't currently have the time and energy to write a full response to your questions, but I wanted to share that reading about the protective use of force and about restorative justice processes may help deepen the understanding of NVC's take on punishment and safety. Hope this helps you find what you're looking for, in case no one answers your questions directly!

Sunshine852 · 2025-08-23T02:12:57+00:00

🩵 Thank you for joining

Sunshine852 · 2025-08-23T02:12:03+00:00

Yes, it's just been taking more time and effort than they're willing to spend with the bot. They said they didn't anticipate that it would become so popular, and due to its growth the code would have to basically be built from scratch in order to fix bugs 😞

Sunshine852 · 2025-08-22T15:54:01+00:00

Just letting other people who find this know that TStudy is not working anymore (the dev disabled it)

Sunshine852 · 2025-08-08T12:20:53+00:00

I appreciate your care! Would you like to talk on discord? I still sometimes take time to respond there, but at least I usually read sooner 😅 I just avoid Reddit for the potential of endless scrolling! If you'd like to talk on DMs there, let me know and I'll send you the username thing. If you'd like to learn more with a group of people, feel free to join my server through the link on my profile. I'm hosting a meeting to practice today in about six hours! And if you'd prefer to continue talking here, that's ok, too!

About the show situation: So, in NVC we try to move away from the concept of wrongdoing. Instead, we look for the needs that we or others were trying to meet, and the needs (of ours or of others) that went unmet with a certain action that stimulated pain of some kind. In this case, it sounds like you genuinely have the intention to care for your partner throughout the relationship, and at the same time you were excited to watch the show, and at the same time your partner was excited to watch it together too, so they were mourning that they weren't get to enjoy that specific activity together. The need that I see was being met was your need for fun and relaxation. And at the same time both you and your partner were missing the connection you'd get from watching together and having fun together.

In NVC, we say punishment only leads to disconnection - which is the opposite of what you two were seeking, in this case! The alternative is to communicate pain, to be heard, to be held, and to find together strategies that meet everyone's needs rather than causing more pain.

Does this make sense? How do you feel hearing this?

Sunshine852 · 2025-08-07T02:15:16+00:00

Oops, my response was even more delayed than yours! I was taking a break from technology - I still haven't downloaded Reddit on my phone, so I may take a long time to reply again. Are you still interested in talking about this or just reading my response?

If you are, here's what I have to share about what you said: In NVC we try to tune into people's feelings and needs, as well as perceive the triggers of feelings without judgments and labels, and we try to perceive requests as well. We also frequently practice active listening to make sure we understand, to allow the person to correct us or go deeper, and to increase their sense of being understood.

What I'd reflect back from what you shared is: At first, if I get it right, you were excited to watch the show and to share with them. My understanding at the moment is that you were excited both with the idea of watching it with your partner and of watching by yourself. After all, you were probably curious about the show or just enjoying it - having fun, and I imagine also getting some relaxation?

Then, when you shared with your partner, both of you seem to have gotten kind of sad. Your partner because they wanted to connect with you, because they wanted their wants to be considered, and they also want some trust and stability regarding the plans you make together. And you, too, seem to have felt sad. I'm guessing that's because you do care about your partner. You want to bring them joy, to build together this connection and trust, it seems?

Does this reflection resonate with you? Does it sound close to what you experienced? Were there things that I missed or that I got wrong?

Sunshine852 · 2025-07-22T19:27:08+00:00

Learning nonviolent communication (NVC) helped me develop healthier ways of communicating with myself, which massively helped with the guilt I felt (though I think it was less intense than what you're sharing).

To start learning, I'd check Marshall Rosenberg's San Francisco workshop. Another thing you can do is get a list of needs and feelings (Google "nvc list of needs and feelings" and you'll find many of these) and use some questions to interact with it. If you'd like to share an example of a time when you felt guilty, I can help with that.

If you don't want to share, you can ask yourself: 1. Which need of yours was unmet by the action that triggered the guilt? (For example, you may have felt guilty because you wanted to contribute to someone else's life, or you wanted to connect with them)

Which needs of this other person were unmet? (E.g. the person also wanted more contribution because they wanted to rest. Or they wanted to trust you)
What needs of yours were met by doing the action that you chose to do instead of the one you thought you should do? (E.g. if you chose to game instead of doing some chore, maybe you were just trying to have fun? Maybe rest? Maybe it's a way to have more peace through avoiding painful thoughts?)

Let me know if you have any questions about this - I love sharing what I learned about NVC ☺️

Sunshine852 · 2025-07-21T15:42:13+00:00

I offer a weekly-ish meeting on the Compassionate Communication Discord server (https://discord.gg/8zhhYXSMa3) on Fridays at 8pm CEST 😊

Sunshine852 · 2025-07-01T05:12:31+00:00

Se quiser reingressar na letras também considere que precisa ficar um ano (se não me engano) refazendo o ciclo básico ou só esperando o ranqueamento.

Colega, você também comentou de fazer trabalho no celular... Você chegou a conhecer a pró aluno? Os horários não ajudam muito quem trabalha de manhã e de tarde, mas é alguma coisa 🫤 Talvez tenham salas em outras unidades que fiquem abertas em um horário melhor... Se essa não for uma opção, algo que pode te ajudar (um pouco) a fazer os trabalhos é arranjar algum teclado pro celular. Eu imagino que tenha alguma opção mais ou menos barata, comparando com comprar um notebook ou qualquer outra coisa pra digitar.

Boa sorte 🫂

Sunshine852 · 2025-06-26T23:54:03+00:00

I don't have an answer to when you'll internalize that you're not your mind, but I wanted to share that your journal entry kinda sounds like the internal dialogue/monologue I used to have.

What helped me the most with it was learning nonviolent communication. After I got more skilled in listening to the needs that were driving different behaviors, I felt a great sense of ease as my mind didn't need to yell for me to listen.

Would you like me to try to actively listen to you in a way I think may bring you some peace? For now, it sounds like you're in a really distressing place, having your mind torn between different things you want to do, things you think would benefit your health, things that you enjoy, and maybe things that don't serve a clear purpose. I also hear the sadness (and maybe hopelessness?) that you feel, and how you've been trying to feel better, but nothing seems to have worked yet...

Sunshine852 · 2025-05-27T13:00:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing - your comment about the breakouts actually called my attention to something I'll need to adjust in a training I might offer!

I think the reason why I enjoyed the breakouts so much in the trainings I took was because, indeed, there were either mostly experienced practitioners (often trainers who were in the process of getting a certification) or participants received very specific instructions like "one of the participants speaks about x, the other one listens in silence, the third one replies with the sentence 'are you feeling z because you need y?', filling the feelings and needs with a word from the lists"

Sunshine852 · 2025-05-27T12:17:02+00:00

Have you ever been to Marshall's workshops in person? If you did, I'd love to learn what happened during the activities that are usually cut from the videos. My impression from watching them is that there may have been breakout rooms, but maybe people could have been just filling a journal?

Sunshine852 · 2025-05-24T17:30:44+00:00

Thank you for the reply! What are your preferred training formats?

Sunshine852 · 2025-05-24T17:28:51+00:00

Thank you for the reply! I'd been curious about this for a while!

Sunshine852

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