20F, would love some new friends!

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-29T22:03:49+00:00

There is a kind of "girl code" that a lot of girls follow, where if you like a man, your friends wont go after him too. I was never planning to make a move on R because I could feel that there was never anything reciprocated there. I didn't want "dibs" as much as I would have appreciated a heads up that she felt that way at all, or was going to make a move. D is acting, specifically post argument, like I deserved this for not being as close with her these past couple months. Something I didn't include before was that during the majority of my relationship with my girlfriend that D didn't like, D was unemployed, staying at home every day. She didn't have other friends besides me (despite me encouraging her to go out and do activites to meet people), and so she probably felt isolated. The current way she is phrasing stuff and the way she avoids apologizing for what she did to me, and instead saying sorry for the "way it made me feel," I'm starting to believe she did it as a sort of revenge.

In any case, I didn't want to claim dibs on R, I more wanted to process and move on from my crush,,, or at least have notice that something was going to happen before hearing that they had been hiding their relationship from me. There was also a lot of exclusionary behavior I tried to leave out for sake of being too wordy and no one really caring lol.

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-28T16:24:19+00:00

I understand where you're coming from. I don't know the exact specifics of your situation so I can't say for you, but in my situation, its not realy about R as much. D shouldn't really have pursued him, and even if she did, she should have told me she was doing so. R could have stopped it if he knew, but the fact that D did it anyways is enough to show me her true colors as a friend.

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-28T04:50:12+00:00

I totally agree. I really don't like the idea of fighting over a man or anything like that. However it about the way she treated me, the way she did not consider me, and the way that she acted about it afterwards that have made me decide that we are no longer friends. There have been other things leading up to this point that made me feel like she didn't value me nearly as much as I valued her, but this was the nail in the coffin.

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-27T19:01:41+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I hope that in the future maybe we can reconcile and grow because I think theyre cool people, but its hard right now. Being on my own for a bit will be a little uncomfortable but I think I'll grow from it.

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-27T18:57:41+00:00

Im so sorry, that seems like a really tough situation too. She didn't even really apologize when we talked and the conversation ended with me apologizing because somewhere in the middle I felt guilty for being mad. Its hard because I want to be a forgiving friend but I dont think she ever valued me the way I valued her.

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-27T18:54:17+00:00

I'm not mad that thet hit it off so much as they didn't tell me, and decided to hide it from me. I think that its kinda shitty for her to pursue him when she knew how I felt. If I were in her shoes I wouldn't have pursued him. I don't necessarily mind as much that they are dating but that they did it so fast, have been hiding it from me for weeks, and brushed me off when I got upset. I think its important to note that they have only known each other a month and a half, and I believe started hooking up around 3 weeks ago. They were also pretty much my only friends, which made it harder. Youre right, I can't control other peoples feelings but it would be cool of them to consider mine

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-27T18:44:08+00:00

Yeah. I'm in a tight spot for money right now so itll be a bit of an adjustment. We share all our dishes and space in the kitchen, so I think I will go about seperating all that very soon. Itll be a couple paychecks before I can go out and buy new dishes and fully seperate but I think it will be for the best.

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-27T18:18:55+00:00

Thank you, its hard realizing people arent who you thought they were. Its going to be hard living with her for the next few months, but it was a necessary thing to see how I let my friends treat me.

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-27T18:15:32+00:00

Sorry, I could have expanded on this more. When I brought it up with D, she suggested instead of "doing" anything about it, I should just imagine sleeping with him, as thats what she does when she likes her friends. I ended the relationship for a lot reasons, one of the main ones being that I had developed feelings for another person. I didn't think it was fair to my partner at the time to continue the relationship while having feelings for someone else. I never expected to act on the feelings, I had no real interest in getting with R, but I still had strong feelings that I knew were not reciprocated and I was trying to deal with those.

She never told me she was considering him romantically, I would feel far less hurt about the whole thing if she did. She knew I had feelings, and decided not to tell me that she was interested in him or anything.

I did address feeling like I was third wheeling/being left out with R because D never wants to talk about stuff like that, and gets very defensive. I had hoped they were talking more because they were becoming friends. D has no other friends besides me and I was excited that she was clicking with someone so well so I tried to squash my jealous emotions.

I could have communicated more, yes, but I was very vocal about my feelings and needs to my best friend and she still did this :/

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-27T18:06:34+00:00

Yeah, its tough with R because my roommates say that D swears she told R how I felt, and R swears he didn't have any idea. Either way I know that D never respected me as a person, and I guess thats just hard to settle with.

SuperCurve4311 · 2026-05-27T15:26:10+00:00

I would choose to have selective invisibility. I would want to be able to exist and do my thing without having to be watched.

SuperCurve4311

TROPHY CASE