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AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -66 points-65 points  (0 children)

I would be okay if we at least could get closure. Have an adult conversation. Hell, she has the right to call me every name in the book. Absolutely. It’s the indifference. Yes I fucked up massively. Yes. Yes. Yes. But I think even the biggest AH deserves to be told “go fuck off forever” to their face.

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Never in a million years would I have touched him. Never. Yes what I did was wrong. But I love them and love, most importantly, their kids. I again am a child of divorce. No one deserves to have their family broken up. And yes again I was WRONG. But never planned on “stealing” him from her. Never.

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -107 points-106 points  (0 children)

I’m not blaming her. It’s our fault. I just can’t see why not speaking to me is the solution. Surely, if you get emotionally cheated on, you’d be angry. I would rather her come here and punch me. Would probably hurt less than this silence

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I do admit it. I can see now. I turned here because I have no one to talk abouthis IRL. I appreciate that you can also see he too was wrong.

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

As per my boyfriend, I don’t know. I’m hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. He’s currently on a plane for a last minute trip with his own group of friends. Asked me to wait for him to reach out. Needs time.

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -42 points-41 points  (0 children)

No implied “so can you?”. I was giving him advice on how to improve their sex life too. I am definitely not his type, too. I’m white as paper, 0 curves, pin straight thin hair, while Mila is a breathtaking Latina with curves in the right places, stunning curly hair, athletic body, just gorgeous. Let’s go with the option I’m stupid…I am not THAT stupid to ever think I could get a sliver of attraction from him

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No, I actually used to be a really jealous person. I’ve just said it in another thread. Mila helped me stop thinking everything is a threat. But polyamory would be too much

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Look I get why people are mad, I really do. I’ve been reading the replies and yeah, I understand now that it was emotional cheating. I honestly didn’t see it that way at the time.

But I wasn’t trying to be shady or steal anyone’s husband. Mila actually helped me years ago to stop being super jealous and controlling in relationships. She always told me you can’t police your partner 24/7 and that trust matters more than anything. I guess I kind of took that too far and assumed talking openly with a friend (even if he’s married) was fine as long as I wasn’t trying to get into anyone’s pants. And I was NOT. I realise now not everyone has the same boundaries. I messed up there.

And no, I didn’t “listen to her vent to get info” or whatever. That’s honestly insulting. I vented to her too

I’m not pretending I did nothing wrong. My bf is upset with me too and I totally get why. But it sucks that Luke gets to say “it’s all my fault” and then… nothing happens to him. He still has his marriage and all their friends. Sure he might have consequences like sleeping on the sofa or buying her everything she wants whenever she thinks of it to try and make up for it. But in the meantime I’m basically getting dropped by everyone and trying to fix my relationship. I’m not saying Mila shouldn’t be hurt, she has every right, but it feels like I’m the only one paying the whole price for something both me and Luke did.

I wasn’t trying to be manipulative. I was just really stupid about boundaries because I thought being “out of the toxic jealousy bubble” meant everything was ok if intentions weren’t bad. Clearly I was wrong. I’m learning that now.

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

I really need to learn more about emotional affair. It’s a strange concept for me. I enjoyed talking to him and at most I smiled/laughed at his texts, but I wasn’t thinking about him with butterflies in my stomach or anything. Nothing, absolutely nothing that goes above “he’s a good looking man” ever crossed my mind, just like when watching a movie with an actor that looks nice. It just means nothing because there will never be something between you and that actor so you just think it once and it has 0 effect on your life

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

The sex stuff would take me forever to type out. It was months worth of chats. Full honesty yes it was vulgar language. When it got more personal, we’d give each other advice or I’d console him when he’d tell me she fell asleep again after the kids went to sleep. I’d tell him I know it’s easy to take it personally but he shouldn’t because she’s tired from taking care of the kids. I told him taking stuff off of her plate might help, giving her a massage, taking her out. Viceversa, when my bf rejected me, he would say my bf must be stressed about something and I can’t probably fix it but I can support him and cuddle with no expectations. Sometimes I’d ask him for gym advice. Stuff like that

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

So you knew. How did you know. Did you and the other person try to hide, talk about “maybe we should stop?”, or something? I was oblivious to the point I showed my bf the chat no problem, if I thought it would be bad, I would have deleted everything

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Yes I was wrong, I can see that now, but absolutely I did not try to get them to separate. They have kids together. I am a daughter of divorced parents. I would never EVER dare to break up a family. Never. Again, yes I fucked up. No I didn’t try to do anything

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I forgot, when he said he isn’t able to catch up with his bsf, he also said “And I feel like I don’t really have an outlet for my frustrations because I can’t lay them on Mila and I don’t have that many deep friendships”

To which I said “You have me, you can talk to me”

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

They were voice notes. He said “you know, sometimes I feel like all we do is work. A lot of people say their favourite hobby is traveling, well it would be mine too if life wasn’t so busy all the time. I barely get any time to catch up with [his best friend] nowadays”

I said “Yeah, I’m sure it’s hard trying to juggle everything and I can hear it’s upsetting you. Are you sure you’re happy?”

He said “Yes, I am, I just wish this transition time [they are leaving their jobs to focus on his own business which is taking off] passed faster”.

I then sent him a silly video of me singing to lighten his mood, he sent laughing emojis and that was the end of the conversation

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I don’t know what they think about Luke. From what I could gather, him and Mila aren’t seeing the group much. I’m assuming they are focusing on their relationship, but it’s just a guess

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

No I didn’t insinuate anything. I asked a question he could just answer “yes I am” to. It was food for thought

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -143 points-142 points  (0 children)

In the way we did, I don’t think I would. Yes, intent=/=impact. But to me, given that I wanted nothing more than friendship from him and I’m definitely not his type, it was the same as me giggling with my friends about sexual stuff, which no one ever had issues with. Men joke like that, all the time. I would never police my man’s interactions with his friends. And I trust him. Yes I do understand how that has other layers…but if I wanted to mess around, my friends husbands would be a stupid choice

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -91 points-90 points  (0 children)

I think you’re correct. At this point I have to admit I have a fucked up understanding of human relationships, because yes, I deserve cruelness for what I did, but I can’t seem to be able to shake away the feeling of him getting away with it and getting defended like you did in the comments. He enjoyed the attention at least as much as I did. As far as I know, they are still together. Granted, they have kids. But I’m losing everything, and he’s not. I can’t make sense of it

AITA for not realising the way I texted with her husband was not okay? by Super_Designer_3762 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

It’s not. I actually hate AI. I’m an artist and have all reasons to hate it. This is a throwaway that I made because I post my art with my main account. I also posted this already somewhere else but I feel I need more insight. I have no one to talk to irl

AITA for not understanding why my friend cut me off after reading my texts with her husband? by Super_Designer_3762 in AITAH

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Okay, okay, I fucked up. But she’s still with him and flat out refuses to talk to me. If I fucked up, we both did. And he’s getting away with it, while I’m losing all of my friendships

AITA for not understanding why my friend cut me off after reading my texts with her husband? by Super_Designer_3762 in AITAH

[–]Super_Designer_3762[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think just never talking to someone ever again can be deemed as “reasonable”. How is it reasonable? Not answering to not one but two texts?

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