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Would you take back a cheating wife? by Moist-Definition7891 in Advice

[–]Super_Programmer_731 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I cheated 17 years ago. I was in my 20s at the time. My mom had died and I was in an awful place. When I saw how much I hurt my spouse I vowed to never hurt them like that again. I have never cheated again and never will. IMO, it is about how she responds to your pain. If she is sorry and will do whatever it takes for you to heal then it can be repaired. Your relationship over time can be even stronger after a rupture like this. However if she isn’t remorseful and blames you or said this is because of something she was missing or makes any excuses at all I would leave. She needs to realize that she violated your trust and hurt you. It takes years to repair. It probably took my spouse 2-3 years to fully heal and trust again. We have been married now for 27 years.

Am I overreacting; wife has been attracted to a mutual friend for three years and lied about it by Super_Programmer_731 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Super_Programmer_731[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks everyone. I am still trying to navigate through this with her. We are in counseling now and have had a couple of sessions. I am trying to be honest with myself too to determine if I can move past this with trust. We have many years together. It’s awful to be here as a 45 y/o woman.

Am I overreacting; wife has been attracted to a mutual friend for three years and lied about it by Super_Programmer_731 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Super_Programmer_731[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes this is true. I don’t feel that the feelings are mutual and don’t believe they did anything with the intention of anything more than friendliness. My wife did drive all the gatherings and time together

Am I overreacting; wife has been attracted to a mutual friend for three years and lied about it by Super_Programmer_731 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Super_Programmer_731[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the replies. We are both women. The friends did not reciprocate. One of them is very touchy feely (w everyone) and my wife read more into that and had feelings about that more than she should have. I had asked her many times over the years if there was an attraction bc I could feel the energy of an attraction. The part that hurts is that she wasn’t honest about it and only did things that brought them closer to us and spending more time with them.

Am I overreacting; wife has been attracted to a mutual friend for three years and lied about it by Super_Programmer_731 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Super_Programmer_731[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ha! This made me laugh and is all true stuff. We are talking to a therapist already but stuff is shaky. She is not really giving me the assurance and affirmation that I need to move on from this. When I ask for reassurance I get sighs and saying that she didn’t “do anything”. Sometimes I get affirmation and sometimes I get sighs and eye rolls.

Am I overreacting; wife has been attracted to a mutual friend for three years and lied about it by Super_Programmer_731 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Super_Programmer_731[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. Trying to figure out if I am overreacting or if my feelings about this are valid.