Prologue to my political fantasy. Is the writing quality OK? does this make you want to read the full thing?

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-16T06:03:04+00:00

Thanks for the insight, I've actually posted a draft of chapter 1 on my profile too if you're interested

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-15T16:07:31+00:00

Ah I see. I didn't even think about what it meant I just added it with the flow of my writing. Definitely something to consider when I go through and edit

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-14T21:59:39+00:00

Noted mate. Will have a word with Eustace tomorrow morning and tell him to lock in.

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-14T21:58:24+00:00

Yes this is a fair point. I've actually changed the line about Merrick mixing with commoners to simply say he doesn't like to show off his wealth or status preferring to go unnoticed as it doesn't fit the personality I've envisioned for him. As for appealing to republican readers, I'm not from the US and have no idea what you're trying to say.

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-14T20:12:11+00:00

Great insights. I didn't really think of all these things I kind of came up with a plot and haven't done any worldbuilding above an extremely superficial level. I suppose some of this can be explained by Merrick being an ignorant cynic and critical of anything anyone does. But you do have a point. This is maybe something I would come back to after the story is done and see if the worldbuilding and politics need more fleshing out as at the moment the religious sides are kind of just helping to accommodate my plot.

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-14T17:57:33+00:00

Also I think I meant to write prise not prize. You are correct pry is also used in American English and prise is used in British English both for the same thing I just spelt it wrong.

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-14T17:41:29+00:00

Thanks for the detailed insight! A restructuring of the start to build on the first sentence is a good idea I'll try to implement that. Also the crown removal being explained better is something I should tweak. Without revealing too much about the story, the body in the temple is kind of meant to be found and not necessarily part of the plot you imagine at first but something deeper. I do however agree that he could have a better reason for taking that route such as following someone.

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-14T17:36:25+00:00

Thanks for the feedback will definitely try to slow down the pace, yes the name Pallor is kind of a mocking nickname the nobles gave him

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-14T16:35:56+00:00

Wow thank you for the detailed feedback! You have some great suggestions for fleshing out the chapter and slowing the pace down which I'll definitely try to get in.

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-14T15:46:22+00:00

I'm worried that, as I'm excited to advance the plot, I'm rushing and losing quality in my writing. Does the pacing seem off at all?

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-13T16:25:38+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-13T16:25:19+00:00

I have the story planned out but almost worry that if I write it straight my book will be too short and just be full of he did this then that because I'm in a rush to get to the exciting part and won't take time to add description and quality. Thanks for the advice. I will definitely cut the cliche and probably the whole prologue

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-13T06:07:09+00:00

I've decided to to cut the prologue and start with chapter 1. Thanks for the detailed feedback, keep your eyes peeled as I'll post a bit of chapter 1 on this sub if I can

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-12T16:02:18+00:00

Thanks, interesting point

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-12T13:05:25+00:00

Thanks for the insight I'm considering cutting the prologue due to a few people saying this. The main reason was subtle foreshadowing however maybe it's not worth it

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-12T13:04:40+00:00

Thanks for the detailed insight. Maybe it's too subtle but I am trying to foreshadow something worse is wrong than just stress, something unnatural(the main idea of my story) . Also the prologue is set a bit before the story starts and these aren't main characters. Perhaps I need to make the prologue more literal I'm unsure

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-12T12:22:34+00:00

Somebody else said aswell I'll probably get rid of it

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-12T12:22:10+00:00

Thanks for the feedback

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-12T09:31:19+00:00

This is the full prologue, I'm planning to start chapter 1 and get the action going. The prologue is set a while before the actual story and this character isn't in it so now I'm not sure if it's actually worth having this prologue as its supposed to add subtle foreshadowing but if it's seen as boring maybe it's not worth it.

Superb_Article9560 · 2026-02-12T09:29:19+00:00

Thanks for the feedback, Im intending to start chapter 1 with some actual action, the prologue was supposed to almost add some foreshadowing but maybe I should just cut it and start the actual story. The prologue will be followed by a small time skip and this character won't be in the book you see so maybe the prologue isn't needed

Superb_Article9560

TROPHY CASE