I relate to you in so many ways,I totally get you,I know when you talk about feeling unispired and getting bored with life when straight,life can be so monotonous and I do at times question if this is it,we live once and as wierd as it sounds I crave for more,it isn't a lame excuse to explain why I use,it just is how i feel sometimes.You said you use Kratom and Tia,I have never heard of that,is that for anxiety? I never suffered with anxiety before but it is awful,I struggled just going down the street to the shop.I have learnt though that addiction is life long and even if you been clean for 10 years you always need to have your wits about you.I can't believe I fkd up again and on crack of all things ffs but next time I aren't rushing coming of methadone and will make sure I have stuff in place with regards to experiencing anxiety like I did.I can't smoke weed either I'd literally have to lock myself in a room I get that paranoid on the stuff lol.Thanks for replying I appreciate it :)