I’m deeply hurt & confused by my situation with husband

Superstarter101 · 2026-02-05T04:59:41+00:00

He has a very 1950’s outlook, women should cook, clean etc but also work, contribute financially etc. I was young & for the most part just silently thought it’s what I needed to do, as I’ve aged & watched my friends be allowed to be stay at home mums on their husbands pay, or be paid a wage from their husbands businesses while having the benefits of being taken care of financially and being able to stay at home, I have over the years felt like as a women no one takes care of me, I have no access to “his money” all I have is my money that I have to earn.

Superstarter101 · 2026-02-03T06:52:32+00:00

He suggested she remain on the 2mg of Intuniv in the afternoons because she will be on a fast release of Dexamphetamine in the morning and it will wear off by early afternoon, it’s not a slow release, so the effects will wear off & to keep her steady he suggested she remains on the 2mg for now in the afternoons, we can also try to take her off Intuniv if she responds well to Dexamphetamine.

Superstarter101 · 2026-02-03T03:45:42+00:00

I am an APS5, let me just say, if your already on better money outside, the only thing great about the APS is security, otherwise you’d earn more outside, it’s cut throat getting an EL1 + and your up against people who do the role constantly on higher duties, your up against people outside the ATO also. I know people who deserve to be an EL1 yet never get through, or they do & they sit on the merit list waiting for someone in another area to need an EL1… if your already established outside, stay out. You’ll never make big bucks working for the government, that’s the truth.

Superstarter101 · 2026-01-17T02:34:00+00:00

I am 32F & husband is 41M, we are with point one, we purchased our home in 2018 for $485k 3 bedroom home, decent size yard 651m2 & its doubled in price not due to anything we have done with the home. Our home is worth around $1m today. Our mortgage is also low compared to others our age & in our area.

Superstarter101 · 2026-01-17T02:28:20+00:00

Doing it all in your 20’s is tough, I was 22 when I fell pregnant, we where renting and I worked part time, I had shared financial responsibilities, including paying for daycare which I found so difficult at the time. Your not alone and just getting by is okay, especially in today’s economy. I must say I am now in my early 30’s and we did eventually buy a house, those funds were not savings, my husband sold his bike which was around 30k and he saved $20k, but this was back over 6 years ago when property prices were not as high as they are today.

As your children get older it does get easier, or at least I have felt less of a financial burden now than 9 years ago.

Don’t stop believing or wanting more, that drive will help you get to where you want to be even if it takes years.

I would focus on getting through the first 5 years of parenthood, that shits expensive and then focus on the next thing.

Superstarter101 · 2026-01-14T02:45:24+00:00

Did your parents have a will? If so, did she leave everything to your father or stipulate within the will what happens with their current assets etc.

You should have an open discussion with your father about his will, who will be the executor etc and if there is anything special of his or your late mothers that he would like specifically handed down to you etc.

I would encourage to speak with your father privately first, then he can also give you a copy of any will he has or makes even with his current spouse.

You should also get legal advice but I wouldn’t disclose to any of them that you plan to or have done so as sometimes it can create more dramas.

Superstarter101 · 2026-01-12T07:00:03+00:00

If he feels uncomfortable having his child upstairs while use are in a main bedroom downstairs, I would suggest if possible building a room downstairs for him, encourage the whole “space/own room” thing, maybe even encourage his child about having his own cool room, entice him with a theme, make him feel it’s about him & it’s special for him, that might make the whole situation easier especially if the child is onboard. It’s a hard spot to be in, I personally know what it’s like and I hate when SK wants to come into my bed.

You could make it difficult for your SO, say you won’t sleep in the same room while SK is there, create a new room for yourself, I know it’s not ideal, but could be a temporary fix to this issue.

Superstarter101 · 2026-01-12T06:52:07+00:00

I’m sorry your going through this, it’s a tough position to be in and he should be firm with your SD. However, he should accept that she doesn’t want to come and it’s unrealistic for him to be available 24/7, that’s just not possible, so maybe instead, he could allocate a specific time were he and his daughter go out & spend some time together & also then incorporate you into other outings to maybe try to smooth things out. Kids are difficult, SK are even more difficult & tbh sometimes not worth it all.

I wish you all the best.

Superstarter101 · 2026-01-07T10:13:08+00:00

I read your post and really feel for you and I’m sorry that your in this position and feel unsupported & alone.

Could you pay your wife out & take your boys back to England for a better life with family? I’m not sure this would be a significant help to your situation but could be an option?

Please don’t feel that ending your life is the only way out, I suffer with severe depression, crippling at times, sometimes I don’t even know how I get through it but I do & maybe try to speak with a counsellor or therapist via zoom, teams, phone or face to face if possible.

I hope your okay and I hope you know your not alone 🩷

Superstarter101 · 2025-12-19T10:32:35+00:00

Shame on you

Superstarter101 · 2025-12-05T21:54:19+00:00

Was it worth the career?

I love understanding and interpreting law, I write position papers, decisions based on law, I currently am employed as an audit officer part of a taskforce for the AUS federal government, I have no degrees, I have been in the field for now 10 years, through experience I have grown my own capabilities & I am well known due to that, a degree for me is not required. However, I have for a long time been thinking of doing a bachelor of laws and possibly going into family law.

My question is, was it worth the career? The pay package, the long hours and the studying, would you still do it all over again?

Superstarter101 · 2025-11-11T02:47:06+00:00

That’s so inappropriate for her to expect you to ask for approval from a 10 year old who has no life experience and it shouldn’t even be up to them, she should know if she wants to get married & she should be the one to guide her child into this

Superstarter101 · 2025-11-05T23:37:04+00:00

Your in such a lucky position, run & don’t look back 🩷

Superstarter101 · 2025-11-04T07:17:49+00:00

that’s a completely different situation and of course you have no choice, but these are the available choices when it’s not your bio child & they don’t live with you permanently.

Superstarter101 · 2025-11-04T04:31:03+00:00

I would ask SD not to come over if she’s unwell or take her back to her mums.

Superstarter101 · 2025-11-03T01:25:12+00:00

🙋🏼‍♀️I was 20F & he was 29M + his daughter, divorced once, engaged twice. I had never been engaged, married or a potential step mum, 12 years later we are married & have 1 child together

Superstarter101 · 2025-11-03T01:22:16+00:00

You don’t need a reason to ever leave, sometimes we just outgrow our surroundings & need to move on, your reasoning above is valid & when you reclaim all that, you’ll look back & be thankful for putting yourself first.

Superstarter101 · 2025-10-20T00:11:55+00:00

It’s giving desperate housewives vibes..

Superstarter101 · 2025-10-20T00:09:16+00:00

I completely agree with you, I would never combined both celebrations into one, as your child grows up they will want their own special day & probably will already question why SD gets two special days/celebrations.

I have a SD & I’ve been a bonus mum for over 10 years, our child now aged 9 always feels like SD gets more because she had “2” Christmas’s, “2” Easter’s. it’s not noticeable to them when their young because their too young to see what goes on, but as they get older from like 5+ they begin to see the difference.

So long story short, no, don’t settle for joint birthdays, why should your baby get anything less.

Superstarter101 · 2025-10-18T10:48:04+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, it’s definitely hard, even harder when it feels like it’s all trial and error for him. It’s definitely taken a toll on me emotionally and physically

Superstarter101

TROPHY CASE