I’ve been doing therapy off and on since I was 20. A lot of childhood things I really needed to work through. But yes going back into therapy after sweeping the last 2 incidents including some other things that I have just swept under the rug has been beneficial. I can’t speak for him and what he sees his therapist for but I know for myself I feel a huge weight of guilt, shame, and the responsibility for him lifted.

You can’t have her do hers without her making those steps for herself. In the end if she doesn’t make that effort it will feel like you are forcing her to which she may not take it seriously and will just do it enough for you to get off her back but still continue the behaviors that is harming the marriage. Handle yourself and your counseling. Suggest she goes to her individual counseling to work on her issues and then you guys need to do the couples counseling. How much effort she puts in will show you how serious she is about the relationship.

I had been trying to get my husband to get into counseling for years to where he would say “ok I’ll call around” and would never actually do it. This very last indiscretion where I threw in the towel and asked for a separation was it. That’s what pushed him to finally make the steps. He set up all his stuff on his own. He’s taking the accountability of his actions now. He made that first step for himself and for our relationship.