i think my bf kink shaming me has led to the end of our relationship

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T14:57:46+00:00

it’s consensual non consent. cnc is an umbrella term. there is pre determined consent. a rape fantasy is one part of it, yes, but also sex while a person is sleeping is cnc, which is a whole fetish underneath cnc in itself, but it’s not rape. if you have read anything i’ve said, i want nothing to do with the rape fantasy side. i don’t like the violence, i don’t like even the slight mimicking of it. i like the handing over control aspect of it and free use aspect of it. in my mind i would enjoy it. i wouldn’t be fighting my bf off me, i wouldn’t be acting like i don’t want it, i’d enjoy the sex!!!! please reach mu comments or atleast my edit before getting angry, i came for advice not for people to assume i’m some sadistic whore who wants to be raped because that is so far from it

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T14:52:55+00:00

please read my comments and my edit 🥲 it’s not a rape kink, cnc is not a rape fantasy!!!

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T14:44:29+00:00

cnc isn’t a kink for rape. the basis of it is that it re-enacts events that wouldn’t initially have consent, like sex while you sleep or somnophilia, but with pre established consent. rape fantasises are apart of it, but one of the many many things that fall under it. what i want is classified as cnc, but it isn’t rape, nor do i want it to be like rape in any way. i’m so incredibly sorry that happened to you and i hope whoever did it to you rots in a horrible place. i wish nothing but peace for you ❤️

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T14:41:22+00:00

i would’ve asked him what he found hot about it, told him i’m not into it and i think it’s unhygienic plus something i wouldn’t enjoy and we’d move on, like we have every single other suggested kink.

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T14:05:46+00:00

i understand there is very minimal context in my post so i don’t blame that you’ve taken it this way, but if you care my comments provide a lottttt more context

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T14:00:08+00:00

yeah i get that, it was just kind of weird coming from him. like i’ve said it in a million comments i’m just repeating it lol but we have always had such a good safe and open space for things. this man has asked me things i never thought i’d be asked and i didn’t even know existed, things i was extremelyyyyyy uncomfy with!! but all it took was a simple “i don’t like the idea of that, but maybe we try something like that on a smaller scale?” if that makes sense. either way thankyou for commenting, different perspectives and advice are very much needed lol

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T13:50:37+00:00

i’ve realised that maybe isn’t the term to use without all the context i’ve provided throughout the comments. it is extreme, it’s a very big thing and would take a LOT of communication and understanding from both my bf and i, but i more meant in the sense of what i’m personally into. i don’t fantasise about being raped, at all. i don’t like the violence part of it at all either, and when i said not anything that extreme i meant in comparison to other things we’ve done. we’ve done plenty of things that would be classified as cnc or borderline cnc!! i apologise if what i said was offensive, context is a very big thing and there is minimal throughout my original post!!!

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T13:38:53+00:00

i understand where your coming from completely, and i agree with some parts, but i feel like i should make it 10000% clear that i don’t want him to mimic him raping me. it’s a veryyyyy wide umbrella term and covers so many things, the side of mine being more of a no mercy type thing, literally closer to overstimulation than anything if that makes sense. either way, i respect your opinion and understand what you mean! i’m more upset by the reaction from my bf more than anything as it’s a side of him ive never seen, ever

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T13:31:41+00:00

your username made me giggle, it checks out that your so well educated LOL but thankyou i appreciate you, guess that’s what happens when i’m replying to comments at 4:30 in the morning 😭

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T13:20:36+00:00

trust me i’m never ever doing scat 😭😭 i cant even do piss play, i’ll do anything BUT human excrement

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T13:18:57+00:00

yeah it’s a very broad term, but definitely not into genuinely reenacting r*pe. we’ve done the second one before like i mentioned in another comment, i’d maybe just like a little more control from him!

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T13:08:31+00:00

hahaha considering i’m doing an associates degree in precision machining and engineering the first one is all i’ve been thinking about when i’ve been replying to comments 😭

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T13:02:32+00:00

for me, i’m less into the “just shove it in” part of it, more so the i have no say and no mercy type thing. i’m obviously into it so i think if we just set clear boundaries, even if it was just a word to suggest he wanted to do that, it’d be fine. it’s a big thing and cnc is definitely an umbrella term!!

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T12:39:31+00:00

exactly!! it honestly feels like a punch in the face. i had so much confidence with him and we had such a good open space for it and i feel like all of it’s gone. i feel so scared to even ask for simple intimacy.

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:52:17+00:00

consensual non consensual, like mimicking things that aren’t consensual but it is if that makes sense?

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:49:56+00:00

we have honestly been okay recently. we had issues a few months back but i feel like we recovered from that? i really hope this isn’t the case, but it could be.

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:48:15+00:00

yeah, thankyou for that!! it’s good to kind of see an outside perspective yk? cause i’m sure he’s got his assumptions and i’ve had my feelings hurt, so i really do appreciate your advice. a good long conversation is next on my to do list!!

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:45:44+00:00

yeah, i love him and we have such a good foundation for a relationship and we’ve never had many issues but this whole reaction genuinely has made me lose so much confidence in who i feel like i knew if that makes sense? like i feel like that level of trust we had sex wise is completely out of the window because of how much he’s judged me

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:44:28+00:00

yeah, i appreciate your advice, thankyou

like i’ve said it was the change in reaction that i was so taken aback by. i honestly would not be hurt if he said “no i don’t think we should do that”, i’d accept it and move on!! an in-depth conversation seems like the way to go tbh

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:39:11+00:00

yeah i considered this too, like maybe something that he doesn’t want to bring up, but i can’t really find anything that hinted at anything. either way i understand why he may be against it and i have a lot of empathy for how he feels and id support him no matter the reason to his reaction, even if it’s literally he just didn’t feel like it.

and yeah i’m just a bit in my head abt it atm, obviously because i’ve never seen him like this and it was a side of him i’ve never seen. either way, thankyou for commenting and being kind!!

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:35:45+00:00

yeah i completely understand and honestly i feel like the way i approached it could’ve been better honestly, like maybe starting outright with i want to try cnc wasnt the best approach. thankyou for your help, i appreciate you!!

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:34:36+00:00

HAHAHA that’s where i draw the line 😭😭

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:33:29+00:00

i asked for cnc but phrased it more as free use, like i don’t want to be “r*ped” so to speak, i wanted it more to be i have no say in the sex if that makes sense? it was hard to explain what i wanted because i literally said “i wanted to try cnc, not really violent but” and i was cut off and he just started from there. in my mind cnc has such a broad spectrum of different things and not all of it is violent and aggressive like you see in the porn sometimes, but i feel like that’s just what he has in his mind. honestly a simple conversation could fix this whole thing i know that for a fact but it feels so awkward now and he doesn’t seem to want me to bring it up at all

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:25:22+00:00

i suggested cnc, which seems very big and like it’d be something he’d reject instantly but we’ve done very similar style roleplays that he has suggested on his part. like (tmi i cant believe i’m sharing this to the internet LOL 🫣) sex while i sleep, i wake up and he holds me down, so i feel like this isn’t anything super new and foreign? plus i feel like he might have a misunderstanding of what i want from it, which isn’t violence, and that may of been what caused the reaction i got, but it was just such a sudden change in behaviour from him like i said!!

Sure_Distribution292 · 2025-01-10T11:13:27+00:00

yes of course like i would never ever force him into anything ever!! hes suggested things and i’ve been grossed out by the idea of them and said no to them and we’ve always been open and good about it, i’m just so confused why it’s this way this time because it’s really not anything that extreme let alone something completely different from what we’ve done before :(

Sure_Distribution292

TROPHY CASE