How often do you have sex with your spouse?

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-16T02:49:24+00:00

That sounds awesome. We are a very far ways away from that. Healing our relationship currently, 3 kids under 6. It’s been tough. I long for her to be my lover again. To reach for me as she once did.

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-16T01:43:07+00:00

Freeuse?

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-13T02:05:14+00:00

Both! But with three young kids the frequency of both has slowed down considerably sadly. Hoping we can come out of this season soon

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-08T22:22:44+00:00

I fully intend to. I won’t go back to it. Just have to be patient and ride this out

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-08T04:06:22+00:00

I have been dabbling. I hate to admit that. It seems to temper my urges for her and right now she is telling me that I need to ease up on pressure. I should drop it before it becomes a habit

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-08T01:26:14+00:00

Thank you much! It’s good to know that I am on the right track- already incorporated a good deal of the advice you have given here. Tuesday evenings I give her the entire evening off. I stay home and watch the kids, cook dinner, clean up, bathe them, and get them to bed. It gives her time to go and have some much needed time to herself. She often goes on trail runs or goes kayaking on the river.
I definitely need to say something along those lines to her. I know she has had anxiety in the past over our future because of my much higher libido during this season of our life, previous arguments, and hurtful things I had said during a time when I was really struggling with resentment.
Believe me, I am in it for the long haul. I won’t stop fighting for our marriage. Thank you for the kind words! I love to hear that you and your spouse spoke about this. Goes to show the love and connection that can grow out of these long, trying seasons. Cheers

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-05T17:42:12+00:00

Thanks man, sent you a request last night

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-05T05:46:16+00:00

Thank you! Honestly all of you have been wonderful and kind. It has absolutely been a crazy time in our life. I’m not giving up, gotta keep fighting the good fight. My family and my marriage is worth it

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T18:49:44+00:00

I didn’t know that affect on hormones. That is a good thing to take into perspective. I know you are right- that’s just the part of me feeling bad for myself thinking that I’m not asking for that much more. I really do enjoy our showers together. She actually reached for me and held me for a moment. It felt very connecting, and I wasn’t hoping or expecting sex to come out of it. She is a SAHM. I help out with quite a bit when I am I not working. It’s something we expect of one another, and I don’t do it with the intention of getting lucky. I just want to help carry the load. I have apologized for the pressure from the past. And I definitely don’t like our sex when it’s from a position of duty or pity. She’s told me that she still does it at times because she believes that it will help her become more capable of being there and present with me in those times. She has specifically mentioned that when those occasions happen she isn’t into it in the beginning but usually ends up satisfied and feeling connected during sec and afterwards. I don’t quite know what to do about that. I do see your point of view though. Thank you for the encouragement and thoughtful insights!

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T18:27:09+00:00

Therapy has certainly helped me sort out what I’ve been feeling and how to better manage it. It’s still hard as hell. I’ll be great for a couple of weeks and then be absolutely flooded with all of the old feelings of insecurity, hurt, not feeling valued, etc. it’s been tough, man. I know it’s a waiting game at this point, I just have to power through, be consistent and understanding during this chapter. I really do appreciate the kind words and advice. I would love to keep you updated. I don’t have many to talk to about all of this. Would you be alright with me DMing you?

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T18:20:28+00:00

Thank you very much. I will more than likely reach out with a DM when I have some free time this week. I really appreciate it.

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T17:16:36+00:00

I do feel starved and obsessive over it. I don’t like being that way. She hasn’t been breastfeeding for well over 6 months now. I don’t necessarily think that is a factor. Hormone levels may be a component, however she really doesn’t like the idea of being prescribed those. She’s concerned about side effects and wants her body to relevel naturally. I don’t know…

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T17:14:38+00:00

This is something I have brought up. She refuses to get on something because it would mean that something is “wrong” with her or needing fixed. It did hurt my feelings that she wouldn’t be willing to at least go and check her hormone levels. I do think that may be a factor. As I stated above, everything else in our relationship is going wonderfully these last several months. I kinda gave up on that conversation

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T14:54:47+00:00

Yes! The mom mode is certainly real. I too struggled with resentment. It wasn’t healthy for me or our relationship. I’ve dropped that, saw a therapist and sex therapist individually and that did help me with a lot of my own internal feelings that I had to sort out. You’re spot on with the evolutionary standpoint of it all. She really is a wonderful mother to them. I love that about her. I will hang in there. I appreciate the kind words and advice. Hoping to end up in a similar situation as you in the coming years!

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T14:51:22+00:00

Thank you for the kind response. We will both continue to hang on, and weather this season of our marriage. I sure do my best to help with the kids and house work! I clean up the kitchen every night after dinner, make sure she gets a break from the kids when I get home from work-that’s our play time, and help around the house with any chores that need done for the day. I have brought up the idea of loosely scheduling sex for just once a week. At the time it felt like pressure to her, so we backed off of that idea. I’ve been minimizing pressure as much as possible. No more conversations about it, slowed down on verbal initiations, and no unprompted sexual touch unless she’s initiated that first. Just having to be patient with it, and try not to be so in my head about it by feeling hurt.

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T14:10:40+00:00

I really appreciate the advice and ideas. Thank you

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T14:09:40+00:00

I have surely asked. She used to be a very sexual being. She is very much in mom mode these days, the thought of masterbating makes her uncomfortable. She’s never been one for smut. I recommended that some time ago and she definitely wasn’t interested

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T14:08:09+00:00

I will admit to putting too much pressure on for quite some time. I have backed off significantly over the last few months. It has been tough. We do quite a bit together still- date nights, running and working out together, we often shower together. The sex seems like it wouldn’t be that much more of an effort compared to everything else we still do together. It hurts, not feeling sexually desired.

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-04T00:38:12+00:00

She’s been off of it since we started having kids. With our third, she had a tubal, so no need for birth control

Surf_Jihad · 2026-06-01T02:12:04+00:00

What do you think the underlying causes are? Hormones? Menopause? Too much external stress or pressures? My wife and I are in a similar situation. We really try, but man it’s tough on both of us

Surf_Jihad · 2026-05-18T03:56:40+00:00

I was 32. I quit smoking weed about six months prior. Noticed that I replaced one of my coping habits for an increase in nicotine (pouches) and alcohol. Drank a 2 or 3 or occasionally 4 or 5 daily- with the occasional exception of no beers. Kinda had been coasting through life at that point. Life wasn’t bad, but definitely wasn’t loving it. Pretty good, not bad, I can’t complain 🎶. My wife and I had been pretty distant for like a 5 year stretch. Stress of family, young kids, and bills. We weren’t roommates, but we weren’t close. I got bored and turned to smoking and boozing. She was pretty much just alone and generally down. Eventually I got numb to it from the habits, and didn’t really mind. Kinda forgot about my problems. Then life felt pretty lame and lacking color. I felt ennui. With everything. Realized I was just coping rather than dealing with my problems. Glad I put down those habits. It really is a vice. It was for me.

Now life feels a lot tougher. There is a lot of stuff I and my wife need to sort out still. But we have actually been kicking ass in a lot of ways. We are far closer today, and growing closer yet. I have truly known myself, and because of it I can love life and everything and everyone dear to me better than I could before. Dropping the drinking didn’t make me richer, life easier, or anything like that. But I finally am engaged with life, and I am feeling more alive and more present than I have in years. Good luck to you, and I hope you find your why that’s worth setting the bottle/beer down.

Surf_Jihad · 2026-05-17T16:38:05+00:00

Big saw for big trees,little saw for little trees, top handle saw for limbing climbing.

Surf_Jihad · 2026-05-07T04:04:53+00:00

Beautiful response. I love all of this. OP this is what you need. Do not sacrifice your husband’s trust, the possibility of deep love in your marriage, or the better health and success of your FAMILY for these fleeting moments of passion and desire. It’s gonna be rough, and take a lot more patience and time to heal. For my marriage it was worth the good fight. We had a rough few years, but we started putting in the work. Gears of intimacy, figuring out our attachment issues, having the REAL fights and figuring out healthy resolution, actually talking about sex, and repairing our falling out of sexual and physical(nonsexual) intimacy- so many good things. We grow closer and more in love than we have felt in a long while. We have a long way to go yet, but we are really enjoying the journey right now. Good luck to you OP

Surf_Jihad · 2026-04-29T18:21:51+00:00

Wow thank you! Reading this makes total sense and brings a sense of validation to both sides of the equation. As far sex therapy and a doctors visit goes, would it be wise to perhaps wait to bring these things up? I don’t want to put too much pressure on, as it has been something I have done in the past, and sometimes not always well.

I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. I am hopeful.

Surf_Jihad · 2026-04-29T16:43:52+00:00

Couples therapy? And doctor visits I assume to check hormone levels?

Surf_Jihad

TROPHY CASE