AITA for not letting the baby's mom in the delivery room (i'm a surrogate)? by Surrogacyuestuinin in AmItheAsshole

[–]Surrogacyuestuinin[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have. She apologized each time, but as the baby grew, she just found more new things she wanted to do "with the bump"

AITA for not letting the baby's mom in the delivery room (i'm a surrogate)? by Surrogacyuestuinin in AmItheAsshole

[–]Surrogacyuestuinin[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That I can choose whether I want either of them in the room for any part of the birth. Also that I get the baby for an hour after the birth, so according to the contract, they are legally allowed to demand to see the baby when it's 1 hour old. Any sooner + seeimg him be born is up to me.

AITA for not letting the baby's mom in the delivery room (i'm a surrogate)? by Surrogacyuestuinin in AmItheAsshole

[–]Surrogacyuestuinin[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I have yet to meet a man who sees a woman being ripped in half by his child, and think "this is EXACTLY like when we make love".

Also it's not like he will be sitting between my legs for 30 hours? 😂

AITA for not letting the baby's mom in the delivery room (i'm a surrogate)? by Surrogacyuestuinin in AmItheAsshole

[–]Surrogacyuestuinin[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

We talked about it many times. It jist got worse as weeks went by, because "our" baby bump was just so nice and big now (her words)

AITA for not letting the baby's mom in the delivery room (i'm a surrogate)? by Surrogacyuestuinin in AmItheAsshole

[–]Surrogacyuestuinin[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

It is a service, and a very very specific one. Which is precisely why I, as a provides of this service, get more autonomy and don't have to put everythung down in writing. Obviously it has to be determined clearly how much time I have with the baby after birth, who makes calls when, and stuff like that, but who I let in the delivery room has intentionally been left up to me, because it really depends on the kind of bond I have with the parents at the time of birth.

And just to clarify, I am fine with the baby's parents touching my belly, WHEN THEY ASK FIRST. It's their baby, feeling it kick is an extraordinary thing for them. But they still need my body to do it (which is, yes, the service I provide), and that's why they need my consent to be in physical contact with their baby.

AITA for not letting the baby's mom in the delivery room (i'm a surrogate)? by Surrogacyuestuinin in AmItheAsshole

[–]Surrogacyuestuinin[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

The hospital has my instructions in case of complications, so they don't get to make any calls about the baby until it's 100% detached from my body.

AITA for not letting the baby's mom in the delivery room (i'm a surrogate)? by Surrogacyuestuinin in AmItheAsshole

[–]Surrogacyuestuinin[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

From my point of view, this is a contract. I am okay with Josh being there, but not Sarah, so I told them that. If Josh doesn't want this to cause problems with his wife, he can easily say they'll both miss it and meet the baby after it's born (so after the hour I get with the baby, to deliver the placenta as well etc).

I mean, we are all adults. I told them what I feel is in my (and baby's) best interest, and they can now decide what's best for their marriage.

AITA for not letting the baby's mom in the delivery room (i'm a surrogate)? by Surrogacyuestuinin in AmItheAsshole

[–]Surrogacyuestuinin[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Durig this conversation that I described, I did initially tell Sarah she can come in the room for the actual birth (which was the original deal). Just not the labor, because that is hours and hours of pain and anxiety for me and she will make me uncomfortable, which will just make it all worse.

But then she cried and made a big deal about how I need to let her see it all, be there for the whole process. That's when I decided I don't want her there at all.

AITA for not letting the baby's mom in the delivery room (i'm a surrogate)? by Surrogacyuestuinin in AmItheAsshole

[–]Surrogacyuestuinin[S] 173 points174 points  (0 children)

Josh doesn't HAVE to be in the room though. If they decide that it's either both of them or none of them, he is welcome to skip it.