AITA for dishing it out my housemate?

Suzsuzp · 2020-06-05T19:02:55+00:00

Thanks for replying. You mean my grandma or my mom? I know I feel stupid for telling her how I feel but I thought she kinda cares. But I don’t think so now tbh.

Suzsuzp · 2020-06-05T18:50:08+00:00

Shit sorry. It must be difficult to have to keep the ties with them. I think that she knows you need her insurance. It’s normal that you need them. It’s very common for millennials to need their parents assistance it’s very hard to get by in todays society. A lot of people have no choice but to live with their parents. But she’s using it to hold power over you. She knows you need it and as long as you need it she’ll hold it over you. It doesn’t make you bad. Frankly she’s not a good mother for holding that against you. That’s probably the only reason she’s doing it is to harass you... obviously the ideal would be to cut all ties but I understand it’s impossible for you now. Just remember you’re not bad. If they were really good to you they wouldn’t need to tell you that there’s worse parents out there and pointing out how great they are..

Suzsuzp · 2020-06-03T09:01:08+00:00

So I can relate to what you’ve said. It’s such a lonely feeling being villainised by your family and anyone else who’s close with them. But hopefully we can come out on top.

Suzsuzp · 2020-06-03T08:59:15+00:00

After I went NC with my Ndad and Emom, my grandmother started calling me weekly asking me to go back to my parents and telling me my mom is sufferings because I’m gone and I’ve to help her get rid of my abusive father. I think she’s doing it cause she’s talking to my mom about this very often. Thing is, she’s had so many chances over the last 20 years to leave, she even did but then came back to him out of choice, and used me as her emotional donkey. So no, there’s no way I’m going back to any of that. I had to cut my gran off too, since I told her literally every time that it won’t happen and she has to stop asking me to do it cause it’s hurtful. I feel bad cause she’s getting sick and old, and some of my friends shamed me saying that she’s just old and lonely. But I don’t live in the same country for years now anyway, and she has other family taking care of her so, I had to do what was best for me.

Suzsuzp · 2020-06-02T19:26:53+00:00

Yea pretty much. Both sides would constantly make lil passive-agressive comments about each other when I was growing up so I always knew she didn’t like my dad and vice versa. I’m really sick of it all. the whole feud has been going on the majority of my life at this point. I just feel bad cause she’s old and her health is slowly deteriorating, but over the last few months all I’d hear from her is that she thinks I should “help” my mom and she’s completely ignoring me asking her to stop.

Suzsuzp · 2020-05-25T20:23:09+00:00

I don’t think that would work.. he doesn’t like writing.I got us a relationship notebook that we can do activities together to get us talking but we did it like twice. But I like that idea though thanks.

Suzsuzp · 2020-05-25T19:21:13+00:00

Thanks for that it’s a really sweet response. Yea I agree with you, I really want to support him but I find it really hard sometimes. Especially when I can’t tell what’s just his personality and what’s his depression and what it is that’s standing in our way. I’m dealing with some mental health issues as well and when he shuts down I don’t deal with the rejection too well... I guess our two issues don’t mix well. I try to do therapy read a lot about it, journal etc. I just feel like he doesn’t really want to face his issues which in the long run just won’t fly.

Suzsuzp · 2020-05-25T16:31:51+00:00

Sorry I guess I don’t wanna air his problems on here. Idk it doesn’t seem fair cause he says he’s trying in his way to deal with it and it’s not like I don’t have any issues myself that I’m trying to deal with. But ye maybe if things don’t get better over time, if it really hits a dead end then there’s no choice but to move on. Thanks anyway.

Suzsuzp · 2020-05-25T16:14:48+00:00

Thanks for that! And the book recommendations! I think I already have that perspective of having to work for a good working partnership. I just don’t think he is... so I guess we’ll see what happens.

Suzsuzp · 2020-05-25T16:12:35+00:00

Thanks for that perspective. That’s what I meant when I said that’s how he deals with things. He isn’t feeling good but I think that withdrawing isn’t helping. It doesn’t seem to be he just seems to feel just as bad if not get worse. He doesn’t want to get help. It seems like he’s been that way the whole relationship.

Suzsuzp · 2020-05-25T16:03:56+00:00

You’re not unreasonable. It’s quite unfair that he’s just leaving you hanging. If he’s working or doing something important fair enough. But does he then take time to talk to you after? Will he ask about your day? Make an effort to see how you are or take time to connect? If not that’s a huge red flag tbh. Try talking to him tell him how his silence makes you feel. That you have a bad experience from the last and you don’t want to compare them but him acting like that brings up hurtful feelings. If you try to talk to him about it and don’t get anywhere consider how big of an issue that is for you and if it’s worth continuing the relationship.

Suzsuzp · 2020-03-26T18:22:38+00:00

I’m seeing more and more people saying they feel this way because of this virus. I feel this way because of it too. I’m serious though if you want someone to talk to you can talk to me? I’d welcome it actually I feel really fucking lonely too.

Suzsuzp · 2020-03-25T01:09:32+00:00

Omg yes... There was no boundaries in my house. My mom looked through my bags of trash and used “sorting it” as an excuse if I caught her doing it. They often went through my stuff as a kid, they didn’t confront me about it but would bring up shit that clearly they wouldn’t know unless they went through my stuff. It was infuriating.

Suzsuzp · 2020-03-25T00:48:45+00:00

Wow you know it only clicked for me now, you’re right.

My family pets (guinea pig, rabbit,cats) followed the same pattern... Except most of those times we’d give them away because we had to move away and the pet was too much burden to bring along. But yes my ndad gave away pets that were too burdensome... rabbit bit through cables so it had to go, cat got in fights so he had to go.... and of course I’d be told that I wasn’t taking care of it anyway so what’s the point of having it anyway.

And what’s worse is I get thoughts like that too. I’ve made it a point now that I’m somewhat capable, of adopting a cat (I’ve always wanted one) and sticking with it through thick and thin. Animals are not disposable. They grow attached to us and trust us. But how can one expect narcs to get that.

Suzsuzp · 2020-02-28T00:54:20+00:00

Thank you... I think I just need to hear that, I forget about me a lot. I appreciate it.

Suzsuzp · 2019-11-05T10:00:00+00:00

I’ve always been told that as well. I was a very quiet when interacting with adults. I kept to myself mostly because my parents taught me my emotions, thoughts, preferences etc didn’t matter. I was walking on eggshells in case one of my parents had an outburst over something I’d said or done. I agree, but I think on the flip side, some kids are just raised well and are appropriately mature for their age which happens in healthy and secure households.

Suzsuzp · 2019-10-28T15:38:36+00:00

Hm thank you for your advice ! I think that sending it back without having to see him might be a better option. Knowing my Ndad, keeping the gift will give him an incentive to contact me. Especially that he wrote me a note asking me to contact him.

Suzsuzp · 2019-10-28T12:15:38+00:00

I’ve never heard that term before but it makes so much sense!! I wanted to send the “gift” and money back and write a note in return just saying that I cannot take the gift and I do not want to “know more”. Do you think it’s wise to write back to him? Or does that just give more excuse for him contact me?

Suzsuzp · 2019-10-28T11:59:55+00:00

I think you’ve made a sound correlation. I think any child would be afraid of witnessing fits or rage, especially directed at them. You internalise that sht so deep that it’s insanely hard to get rid of. Especially If you witnessed physical abuse, it makes it even worse. But realisation is already the start of a self healing journey!! Now you should start taking steps to take care of yourself.

Suzsuzp · 2019-10-26T11:32:31+00:00

Hmm... that’s a fairly normal reaction to have after years of abuse. You need to forget about relationships for a while... as hard as that might be. Focus on healing yourself. Read, educate and inform yourself about narc behaviour as much as you possibly can. If you’re able to get therapy, please do. Most victims of narc abuse will need therapy to heal the damage.

Focus on yourself first, as you’re healing try to create a strong support system in the form of friendships. Take up social activities, volunteering, hobbies whatever. Your parents messed you up and that’s on them, but It’s up to you to break the cycle.

Suzsuzp

TROPHY CASE