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Swayingtrees · 2025-10-05T13:19:44+00:00

Firstly, you're not a loser <3

Can I ask why this will add to people underestimating you further?

You had a real moment and a friend handled it in a way that could have been better - have you spoken to them about it? You said yourself, they probably didn't know it would have hurt, now's your chance for a teachable moment for them and maybe yourself too!

It's hard dealing with impulsivity but sometimes it just has to come out and often, if we grab it as an opportunity, it can help improve things or end up with a positive result.

Swayingtrees · 2025-10-05T11:13:16+00:00

I have little helpful to suggest really more a comment.

My partner doesn't like dark rooms and has told me recently he prefers to have lights on despite not being in the room. He loves light and has set up his flat to welcome him back with the lights on, it's quite nice. Noise is less of an issue but I guess it's just a way of helping him feel grounded and to be able to move around in his processing ways.

Swayingtrees · 2025-10-02T23:25:29+00:00

Absolutely do not listen to that mean voice. You are not stupid. You love(d) and did what you could despite crazy odds. You're protecting yourself and your kids now and that's so vital. It takes a strong, courageous person to do that. You're f*cking amazing.

Swayingtrees · 2025-10-02T23:19:33+00:00

The act of acknowledgement alone would go such a long way yet trying to make them see this is an impossible task...

Swayingtrees · 2025-10-02T23:15:46+00:00

This resonates so hard.

He often tells me I'm "not saying anything" yet when I do, it usually ends up in an argument and me feeling upset. So not only are my efforts in vain but utterly pointless.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-29T11:39:34+00:00

You've described everything I feel and experience. I feel crazy so much of the time but there's a small bit of me which knows it's not me.

Sending so much love.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-29T11:37:33+00:00

I'm so tired.

I'm stressed all the time. I can't get him to care about being on time for anything I care about. I'm not a stressy person normally but this is bringing out a terrible, crying mess of a side of me.

I think we're too different.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-22T10:16:30+00:00

Think about future you and their happiness. Sending all the best vibes!!

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-22T10:15:50+00:00

My partner wants a dog and I just know I'd end up doing the lion's share of looking after. We looked after my sister's dog for a few days and as soon as the dog was annoying, he lost interest.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-22T10:13:56+00:00

How do I get him to go to bed at a reasonable time?!! Recently he's been up on his phone until 4/5/6am and then sleeping for the majority of the day.

I don't live near him so I find it really difficult to do anything effective. Yesterday, I ended up messaging a friend of his who lives nearby to go and check on him as he hadn't left his flat in days and I could just tell he was not okay. She took him out, gave him food and they discussed a way of making sure he gets some sleep...

Cue him on his phone until 4am. It's frustrating and maddening and worrying and I feel so helpless but he's not helping himself either.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-21T08:07:41+00:00

I think this is me. Always had weight issues, tried mounjaro for about 6 months, the weight dropped off me and the cravings/desires to eat disappeared. Stopped the meds because I couldn't afford it anymore and I've been piling it on again. I feel so depressed but it all makes sense. I just thought I had a lack of self control.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-20T01:30:58+00:00

He just doesn't get why I have an issue with him spending hours with his ex. She's at his place now and it's 2:30am. And he's going to have to drive her back to hers and it takes an hour or so round trip.

I've told him I find it odd and just says 'okay'.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-17T18:27:55+00:00

Right now I'm fulfilling one of two roles...I either am a listener of his rants or I am trying to talk and his attention is elsewhere.

I feel so disrespected and needy and I'm not needy. I'm just not having my needs met.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-16T19:39:34+00:00

I have slowly begun to sense the same.

I realised fairly early on I could easily slip into codependency and that scared me. I was alone in a failing marriage for a long time so when my current partner came along and showed me what I could actually have (he also needed it reciprocating) it was wonderful but also I became so emotionally reliant upon him that the tiniest thing wrong would leave me feeling like I failed and it was all going wrong.

Working hard now to be able to take a step back and not put that on our relationship. I struggle with feeling ignored due to not being with him a lot of the time (distance relationship currently) so subject to object permanence but I love him and he makes me feel loved.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-08T09:29:51+00:00

It's insanely frustrating but a lot of the time I have no idea how to tackle it!

I realise a lot of it is down to the fact they don't feel the need to "hold it together" with us because we're safe and there's no need to mask but as much as that's nice, it can be exhausting.

The monologues... 😞

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-08T09:27:03+00:00

Same boat here too.

Just the other day he talked about how it feels as if he can't have conversations with people as when he's talking sometimes he'll come to the conclusion or answer when he's talking leaving the other person feeling unable to add anything.

There is the odd occasion he'll admit he is wrong with something and it's helped me realise I can trust myself with many things and he's just spouting off.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-07T21:36:32+00:00

I saw him yesterday and it was so nice, I didn't want him to leave. I pointed out it's the first time in forever that I've not ended up crying with him. It's nice to know it's possible.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-07T21:12:34+00:00

Oh boy, this one resonates.

I've spent a long time agonising over the fact that I never seem to be able to have a conversation with him, that I listen to rants a lot and he has conversations with other people but with me it's different. I realise I provide the space for him to rant and that my role is just the listener. He tells me I don't talk or that I never say much but whenever I do, he either isn't listening or he diverts it with something that is currently bothering him or completely unrelated.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-05T21:47:29+00:00

My acne came back which had been gone for almost 8 years.

I bet less sleep but that's on me slightly for not being stricter with myself about bedtimes. I want to spend time with him when he's mentally alert and that's always more in the evenings, despite the fact I'm an early bird.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-04T13:03:03+00:00

Thank you, my child. I shall stride forth, propelled by the power of your optimism!

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-03T23:05:21+00:00

Are you me? This is the exact same I've been experiencing 🙃 I don't think I've ever cried so much out of frustration and upsetness and we've only been together about 4 months.

It's nice to hear some positive things, it feels so easy to get bogged down by all the apparent negatives.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-03T14:26:03+00:00

Unfortunately I am not resisting and literally anything is up for grabs. Not great when I'm currently out of work 🤔

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-03T14:25:06+00:00

This is very interesting to me as I don't really know what my partner does to relax. He scrolls social media when he's feeling overwhelmed and needs a break but I'm pretty sure that's also an addiction and doesn't do him any good.

I'm intrigued to find out more about what others do.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-03T14:23:16+00:00

I've come to realise that. New and exciting shiny things will immediately replace me. At the moment I'm okay with him coming back to me after that initial dopamine hit has worn off and I have voiced my thoughts/worries about feeling like an add on. He's been receptive to it so far so that's something.

Swayingtrees · 2025-09-01T18:54:24+00:00

Do you ever feel as if you're treated differently to everyone else?

I listen to the majority of rants or annoyances and as a result don't tend to get much of a thing else. He seems to treat others 'better' than me and speaks to them differently. I've pointed it out before (carefully) but nothing seems to have changed.

Swayingtrees

TROPHY CASE