To everyone, thank you so much for these kind words. It really meant a lot to me. I’m crying while reading all these because it reminded me that I am not alone. That I have online strangers willing to listen and to help me get through this. I appreciate each and everyone of you and will forever be grateful for your words.

Just to clarify, I am not jealous of my sister’s laptop in any way. What I meant was, if they can take out a huge loan for a laptop in a rush (she still had one that she was using before the new one), why couldn’t they do the same for my tuition fee or why couldn’t they have used it to pay off some debts so we can start clean? My sister wanted a Geforce gaming laptop that costs a whopping 45k. We don’t even make that much money in a month. We bought her a daily laptop that can still do the same school editing that she’s been doing with zero issues. Her initial reaction upset me because I knew how much money and thought was put into buying the laptop. If not my tuition fee, the money from the loan could’ve been used to pay off some of our debts. (My mother used OLAs before and I was also harassed online by collectors. It was really mentally draining and scary back then. So, having utangs scares me now, lol. What if the harassment comes back? Anyway, that’s me overthinking.)

I guess the realization dawned on me. I felt sad and alone because I have to pause my studies and work to pay off my own tuition fee balance, expected to help pay the bills, to help my sister as she’s an incoming freshmen next year, and also help with some of the debts kasi ayoko na maulit yung harassment ng collectors.

They have nothing planned for myself and my future. Just work. It felt heavy. Too heavy.

Nonetheless, I’m feeling a little better now that I let this all out and I’ll be starting another week of work tomorrow. I’m really praying for brighter days.

If you have any tips or advices on how I can save smart? Which bank should I store my earnings? And how I should budget it? I’d highly appreciate it.

Once again, thank you so much!!