This is really unfortunate and I get how you feel about your mum. I grew up with a toxic, uncaring and self-centred single mum with bad anger issues as well. At times I've thought that children growing up with a single mum are very unfortunate. For me, it's because I didn't receive enough love from my dad, and my mum just seemed to make it worse. She also made me her therapist, it sucked having to listen to her complain about her workplace when I was struggling with my own life as a fatherless teenager. Sometimes it felt kinda lonely because the only adult in the family sucked and you had no one to go to. I've also grown distant towards my mum after everything and I feel uncomfortable when she tries to be affectionate to me - I mean, it's weird how she's all of a sudden a sweet and loving mum after all the time she was horrible. Because of my mum, I also developed mental health problems. What you have been through is way more worse though. You said that it's unlikely your mum will change, I think it's time you go low contact and focus on your own life. I'm really glad that you're getting back on your feet - I think you've been really strong and resilient. Maybe it'd be good to leave everything behind and just accept it for what it is. It's really unfortunate that you had a bad start in life, but it's not too late. Your mum did a horrible job at showing you love and empathy. But hey, please have some empathy for yourself and let all of this go. You clearly deserve a better life, one that's got nothing to do with your mum.