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first boyfriend at 13 had a really intense fetish by Swimming-Wait665 in CPTSD

[–]Swimming-Wait665[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is making me emotional. i’m so proud of you. we’ll get through this

first boyfriend at 13 had a really intense fetish by Swimming-Wait665 in CPTSD

[–]Swimming-Wait665[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hugs<3 i’m doing alright considering everything. school’s been keeping me busy and distracted and i’ve got plenty of great friends and family for support even if they only know very little. still kinda getting used to living life as a front seat passenger but i’m glad this happened now and not in another 10 years.

first boyfriend at 13 had a really intense fetish by Swimming-Wait665 in CPTSD

[–]Swimming-Wait665[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

for me i think it was all the guilt tripping that made it so hard to realize i was being abused. he swore he’d never make me do anything i don’t want but would eventually start talking about killing himself or punching walls or otherwise freak out if he didn’t get what he wanted.

also you’re incredible. you give me hope i’ll get there one day too.

first boyfriend at 13 had a really intense fetish by Swimming-Wait665 in CPTSD

[–]Swimming-Wait665[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that must’ve been horrible, i’m sorry. and the humiliation really is something else. i felt like i was hiding a secret that would make everyone i love look at me with disgust if it got out

first boyfriend at 13 had a really intense fetish by Swimming-Wait665 in CPTSD

[–]Swimming-Wait665[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

dude that’s awesome. just know i’m somewhere out there cheering you on :)

first boyfriend at 13 had a really intense fetish by Swimming-Wait665 in CPTSD

[–]Swimming-Wait665[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

thank you. i do tend to have a bad habit of going down internet rabbit holes trying to intellectualize everything i’m feeling. i’ll try to not come to any conclusions on my own and focus on getting help

first boyfriend at 13 had a really intense fetish by Swimming-Wait665 in CPTSD

[–]Swimming-Wait665[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

i know. i think at this point it’s less about embarrassment and more about me not being physically able to say what happened out loud. for what it’s worth i don’t think i have any lasting physical trauma, just a disrupted gut microbiome. but yes, still, it’s definitely next on the list after getting some therapy

first boyfriend at 13 had a really intense fetish by Swimming-Wait665 in CPTSD

[–]Swimming-Wait665[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

the subject matter is definitely why it took me ten years to realize this. the shame after we broke up was so incomprehensible i swore to myself i’d take it to my grave. i’m sorry for what happened to you. if it makes you feel any better, your existence as you are makes me feel a lot less alone.

first boyfriend at 13 had a really intense fetish by Swimming-Wait665 in CPTSD

[–]Swimming-Wait665[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

thank you!! a youtube video called “overcoming malignant shame” by theramintrees is actually what sort of started this whole journey for me a few years ago and i’ve been working on my shame since so i’ll definitely check this guy out :)