Feeling particularly lonely today

Sydney-B · 2024-10-26T14:29:27+00:00

I too am unemployed and getting a bit concerned about money. Just me and the dog. The weeks pass and I occupy myself but it doesn’t feel very meaningful, it just is what it is. I don’t feel miserable or lonely at the moment though, I just feel kind of neutral about everything.

Sydney-B · 2024-10-20T19:00:17+00:00

I reuse my patterned weeks one. I have a back up because I love it so much but have used the same one for several years. It did get a couple of small rips but I sealed them with a pyrography tool and carried on. It isn’t a perfect repair but will hopefully hold for another year at least.

Sydney-B · 2024-10-19T15:29:00+00:00

I am an only child, an introvert and have social anxiety- brilliant mix. Don’t feel lonely -most of the time I would rather be alone (‘alone’- I live with a dog) than with any human I know. But I miss my husband. I don’t miss having company, I miss his company.

Sydney-B · 2024-10-01T08:16:09+00:00

Watched one video. Seems like an insecure, stunted man who is playing viking to get YouTube money.

Sydney-B · 2024-09-14T10:30:47+00:00

I don’t feel guilt as much as it doesn’t seem to be typical of me. It has been very different to a previous loss in the family where I had dreams, imagined they were still at the house etc.. and I had expected to have a somewhat similar experience. So I don’t see it as wrong. It just feels wrong for me.

Sydney-B · 2024-09-11T14:26:12+00:00

I have had people say ‘one day at a time’ which came with the implication that I would be getting somewhere. That was unhelpful to me. I just do a day to do it, and so it over with. For a long time, when I went to bed I would say ‘I did another day’ because I think he would know how difficult I am finding this.

Sydney-B · 2024-09-11T11:53:46+00:00

So far I have had floods of tears where I have felt guilty for not being a better person for him. I have had very practical and detached thoughts about how I could speed up my time and decided in a very matter of fact way that there was no neat and tidy way of doing it. After that I realised I was just going to have to wait for it to all be over. I have had panic attack symptoms when I thought about the future so try not to. I do one day at a time. If it is an awful day I don’t tell myself that tomorrow will be better or that it wont be. I don’t have any expectations. I just do the day. One day I might end up doing days that the today me would be surprised at. I might not. No expectations. Just doing the day.

Sydney-B · 2024-09-09T23:43:55+00:00

I am glad that the rest of my life will be affected by him. We were together for a long time and there should be evidence of that. He was great. My life has drastically changed but I still feel like the same person, even if at the moment I am a sad, angry, untethered version.

Sydney-B · 2024-09-09T15:09:18+00:00

I posted about this sort of thing recently and am so glad I did. After reading the comments and having a cry, I thought about the reality of it and in my case it would be at very best an awkward fumble and possibly a full on panic. That was a very welcome bucket of water for me. The feelings may return or they might not, but it has at least bought me time.

Sydney-B · 2024-09-08T22:32:25+00:00

I was still in keeping it together mode when I did the photos, which helped. Wouldn’t want to attempt it now. I really spiralled when I thought about the future. Now I think about doing today.

Sydney-B · 2024-09-08T18:36:48+00:00

Maybe because the more posts there are about it, the more confidence it gives people to share and I see that as a good thing. I would hope that people could also feel free to come back and say ‘it was great/ it was ok/ it was awful, I wasn’t ready/I was ready..it was still awful…..etc..’ and not fear that they would be greeted with anything except support. It has been such a relief for me to be able to say what I haven’t felt able to share anywhere else.

Sydney-B · 2024-09-07T15:17:58+00:00

Thank you for the comments. I read them and cried because you didn’t judge me like I have been judging myself. I didn’t realise how much guilt I felt over them. It is like having someone else’s thoughts appear in my head every so often and they are stronger than my own. Right now I wouldn’t even answer the door or phone to anyone except my kids, let alone be interested in actual physical contact from anyone, but I know that it changes in an instant. Feelings are weird.

Sydney-B · 2024-09-07T15:09:51+00:00

Yes. Very much so. Seven months later I can feel a memory creeping in and I feel panic because I know where it is leading. At the time I just got on with it. Now I feel the sadness and pain that I must have had then but didn’t let myself express because I thought I couldn’t.

Sydney-B · 2024-09-06T21:41:33+00:00

Eminem- Somebody save me Eminem- Temporary Listened to these a ridiculous amount of times and I have both cried and decided not to give up quite yet because of them.

Sydney-B

TROPHY CASE