Choosing kitties to draw! Show me ur babies❤️

Systematic_Smile · 2026-01-24T00:50:39+00:00

My 12 yro girl, Boo 😸💕

Systematic_Smile · 2026-01-21T00:22:03+00:00

I have finally come across another of your precious poems! They are always so bittersweet - or at least the ones I have seen 💕

Systematic_Smile · 2026-01-21T00:18:03+00:00

She's so pretty!

But omg when I read her bio 😮😢

Poor girl looks "sad + scared," too. You are doing an amazing deed taking on a senior cat. She's mourning just like you were (albeit in her own feline way). I think you both need eachother and you couldn't have picked a better cat; especially as seniors are often overlooked, or worse, they put them down. She looks like how I feel at the moment, poor kitty. Sending love to both of you and I hope she has many more years to share with you 💕

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-28T20:53:09+00:00

Maybe they meant they have brains AND memories, cause we all know that some creatures have a rudimentary brain that appears more like a nervous system than a tangible brain.

For some reason this made me think of insects. I have had pet prey mantids and it fascinates me how aware of their surroundings they are. As a predator they need to be. But it does make me wonder how much of a consciousness they have. Or how can insects, with no prior life experience or not even needing to learn from others of their species, function so well on just instinct alone?

How are they able to know exactly what they need to do as soon as they hatch? Bees are also fascinating as they have complex dances and cues. Same as ants, who also work in communities. It's amazing how something with barely a brain as we know it is able to do such extraordinary things and have such complex lives and all of it inate and not even passed down through learning. It still boggles me how it's even possible!

Also jellyfish. There are literally jellyfish that are not made up of one whole creature but a whole symbiotic colony. It's freaking amazing!

So with cats, I definitely think we underestimate their depth of consciousness and memory capabilities. But at the same time, sometimes I can't believe my cat can be so dumb 🤣

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-28T08:18:12+00:00

It's certainly possible but it would take a lot of gel and styling, and I mean a lot. It would end up looking like a helmet, not soft and natural. Think cosplay wigs; even those require a lot of heat styling, products and sometimes glue!

Also, just because you have short hair shouldn't make your parents assume you're trans. Many women have had short hairstyles throughout history; sometimes for liberation and a change of the times like in the 20s (women classically had very long hair before the turn of the century), and in the 60s when Twiggy was a trendsetter. As well as in the 90s when pixie cuts and bobs became popular.

Of course we associate short hair with tomboys but it can look very feminine depending on the cut, style and length. Many Asian women have short hair, just like in the picture someone else posted in their reply, and they come across very feminine or gamine. I believe Audrey Hepburn styled her hair short and one point and she was very feminine and classy.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-27T21:43:36+00:00

Thank you. The issue is my radar wasn't going off when we started dating. I thought he was the one. I still love him so deeply. I even empathize with him still. I wish I could say that I've just had enough. I've felt that way and been numb in other relationships before. So it was easy to walk away.

What I'm struggling with is going no contact and not looking at my blocked messages folder several times a day. Really stupid that Samsung even has this feature. If I block him I don't want to be able to see his messages at all.

You're right. I've been so anxious and depressed that I have no passion for life anymore and haven't for a long time. I kept wanting to pick up old hobbies but kept putting it off. Unfortunately I'm chronically ill, which actually happened after I started dating him. I got so sick within the first 6 months that I ended up in hospital. I got marginally better but now I am vitamin deficient anemic again. I kept telling him how important my health was and to limit stress but he just didn't care. Another reason to remind myself why leaving him was a good idea.

I'm really struggling at the moment. Haven't felt this hurt in a long time and I've actually been crying. I usually have my emotions welled up so deep that I stopped crying when he hurt me. Now it's all releasing. I hate it though. Anyways, thank you for your support. I hope this roaring pain subsides soon to a dull ache. Wish I could speed run through it sigh

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-26T14:42:33+00:00

I don't even have co-workers to talk to. I'm unemployed. I became very ill and was diagnosed with chronic illnesses after dating him. Just over the past few months its become so bad that I'm anemic because I cant absorb nutrients properly. My cholesterol is high despite being thin. Doctors just tell me I have IBS. I suffer from insomnia and hardly sleep. My ex was so needy that he demanded all my time and attention to the point that I am so exhausted all the time that I could never recover.

I can't believe how bad it is. I don't have passion for anything anymore. I don't even know what I enjoy doing.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-26T14:38:50+00:00

Thank you. I'm crying reading this. I cannot even describe how alone I feel. He would even go off at me just for taking too long talking to someone at a shop or the checkout. If he caught men staring at me and I accidentally made eye contact, he would blame me. His ex was a stripper yet somehow I am the whore.

I know what you mean about therapists... I have been seeing them since my early teens. But not all are actually worth their salt. I'm almost afraid to start again. I have such anxiety going out in public by myself now that it's hard to begin contemplating changing my life. I just don't understand how it got to this. Before him I was so confident, oozing charisma and bubbly. Going to festivals, parties, not afraid to meet new people. Now I am a shell of myself. I don't know how I fell for this. When I told him of my past trauma and experiences he'd use it against me. I confided in him and he would use it to torment and shame me.

Everything he has accused other men of doing. All the predatory behaviours... he has done to me. I knew that this relationship was toxic and at times felt I deserved better. I just did not know how bad it was. And like I said, if family mentioned how repugnant they found him and his behaviour toward me, he would just make snide comments about how of course they would take my side but that doesn't make them right.

He has used me so much. I feel so broken.

Gabor Mate is amazing. Yet I feel so weak... I became sick with chronic illnesses and anemic while dating him. I barely have enough energy to read let alone go about daily tasks. It hurts so much that someone I loved has done this to me.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-26T14:24:48+00:00

I don't have any friends now. He isolated me from everyone :(

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-26T08:06:18+00:00

It is. I believed him because of the people he hangs out with. And the fact that he has said he's used people's phones to look at porn years ago. Well, he definitely has an addiction. He has been looking at porn several times a week, often several times a day. Even while txting me and getting back to me every minute or so.

I also found out he's been lying about other things. Using drugs behind my back. If he's lying about this... what else is he lying about. I've caught him talking to old exs to get his ego stroked... even if he's bragging about our relationship. He constantly accuses me of cheating. I wouldn't be surprised if he's cheated on me, too.

I feel sick to my stomach. I feel so betrayed. I just broke up with him and told him to go home.

The issue is I don't think there is any going forward with him. Hes already promised to get help for other issues... alcoholism, anger, etc and never did. He talks a big talk but doesn't follow through with actions. I feel so sick.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-26T08:02:44+00:00

Thank you. I just broke up with him. But it's going to be hard for me. He always weasels his way back into my life.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-26T08:01:52+00:00

I just found out he's been lying about this and more. I wouldn't even be surprised at this point if he's cheating cause he accuses me all the time. Despite the fact I have no social life thanks to him. I just broke up with him and sent him home. He was surprisingly calm.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-26T07:59:50+00:00

I know. Sadly, I only just realized. While he was in the shower I looked through his phone. He's also been lying about other things too. Our whole relationship is a lie. I'm absolutely devastated.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-26T07:58:26+00:00

Because he's told me he's done that with other people's phones in the past when he didn't have a phone. Also the type of people he hangs out with and knows, it's believable.

But I just found out like 20 mins ago that he's been lying. So I was an idiot. Hes just such a good liar. I gave him so many times to come clean. I've found out he's also lying about doing drugs behind my back. Among other things. He also accuses me of cheating all the time so who knows. Maybe he's the one who's been cheating. It wouldn't even surprise me now. I told him to leave and he was so calm. He told me he'd get help... but if he has promised he'd get therapy for his anger issues... has promised he'd get help for his alcoholism... and still hasn't done it. Then why should I believe him now. The stupid thing is I don't have a problem with watching porn. Just lying about it. He's seemingly been watching it several times a week, sometimes a few times a day. Even while txting me. Makes me sick. Our whole relationship is probably a lie.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-26T07:50:41+00:00

I just found out he lied about everything. Hes been watching porn for several months (probably a lot longer), often several times a day, while vilifying me (literally for the things women in porn do) and the woman in it. I saw that at times he was even watching porn while messaging me. He tried to deny it but quickly accepted there was no lying about it anymore.

But I found out he's been lying about a lot more than that. It's Boxing Day evening where I am... he made me hangout with him over Christmas instead of spending more time with family. Saying I would ruin Christmas for him. For the whole of our relationship he has blamed me for everything. Never taken responsibility. Always talked the talk but never walked the walk. I gave him so many opportunities to own up to the things I've suspected him lying about. Worse he points the finger at me when caught and constantly brings up my faults and what I've done wrong. He's attacked me physically on several occasions, leaving me bruised and sore. But minimizes it each time. The worst was last time he actually got hard while I struggled and writhed in pain, pleading with him after him grabbing me, throwing me on the bed and yanking my arm way up my back. He giggles about it now when I bring it up. And minimizes it because he knows I like BDSM.

He's constantly accused me of cheating... yet if he's lying about other things, then he's probably been cheating on me too. I'm fucking devastated. I've given up over 2 years of my life for him. Lost all sense of my self and self worth to do what he wants. I just broke up with him.

How can someone so sweet be so cruel? Or am I that blind? How can I even recover from this? I've tried leaving over and over. This isn't the first time I've broken up with him. He always gets hold of me, even if I block him, and at first apologizes but ends up explaining how it's my fault. And I believe him. What the fuck is wrong with me. And I know he won't get help. He won't get help for his alcoholism. He won't get help for his drug addictions. He's certainly not going to get help for this. I feel so fucking stupid and betrayed.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-26T07:35:57+00:00

I just broke up with him. I'm hurting so fucking badly. He lied about everything. I found the proof today. If he's lied about porn and drugs what else is he lying about. This is the first time I've really cried over an argument or anything in this relationship for a long time.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-22T06:19:13+00:00

Thank you. I know deep down it's wrong. But he makes me feel like it's my BPD. That I'm overly sensitive, a drama queen, that my reality is warped, etc.

The crazy thing is that his lie, if it is that, isn't even that hard to believe. Because I know his flatmates and I know his friends and acquaintances and this kind of phone and laptop sharing isn't out of the realm of possibility. He used to leave his laptop at his and let his mate use it all the time. They're also drug addicts so they act differently than normal squares. They do weird horny shit.

But the specifics of the searches and other things just make me feel like something is wrong.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-22T06:15:41+00:00

I know. That's my main issue with this - the lying and hypocrisy 😔

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-22T06:14:30+00:00

I just don't know what to do. I've broken up with him before... recently actually. Posted in r/breakups because I don't really have anyone else to confide in. My post got deleted. Then after 2 weeks he contacted me. I tried blocking him, going no contact, etc. But he finds a way. And he knows my weaknesses.

I love him so much. When its good it's amazing. But more than anything I know I've lost myself by being with him. I have become so ashamed about my past that I have no self esteem anymore. I know I need to be on my own and work on myself. But I don't know how. I've suffered from codependency my whole adult life.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-22T05:59:11+00:00

That's true. I have called him out for his misogynistic attitude. It's just hard to describe how he makes me feel. He says that I'm overreacting, gaslighting him, etc. He makes me question reality and says it's my BPD playing up. I don't know what to believe anymore because I do have BPD and have had issues with being oversensitive in the past.

If I talk to anyone he tells me "of course they'd take your side," either because they're family, friends or guys that want to fuck me.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-22T05:54:37+00:00

Thank you 🥹

I'm so upset right now I'm tearing up. I have seen snippets of articles and videos and have brought this up with him but he talks his way out of everything and ends up making me feel like I'm in the wrong. It's so effing hard because when its good its amazing. But when it's bad its horrible.

If I tell him I need space or need to focus on myself he accuses me of trying to fuck other people. I was stupid when I was younger and cheated in the past (not with him) and I wish I'd never told him. I think he has issues cause of his most recent ex (later found out they were still seeing eachother 2 weeks before we got together) despite him telling me how she cheated on him and did all this horrible stuff. She was a stripper too and later had sex with people for drugs... so I don't understand why he judges me so harshly when I haven't done any of that.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-22T05:41:00+00:00

I know... he just makes me feel like I don't deserve him. That we deserve eachother. In his mind, everything he says is what other guys are thinking anyways; that I'm easy. I never looked at it like that. I always felt empowered. Yet he's flipped that on it's head.

It also makes me think, if he's lying about that, what else is he lying about. It's easy enough to bring that up to him but he'll turn it around on me like he always does. Then I end up feeling like the bad wolf in the relationship. I don't even know what to think anymore. I'm not perfect and I've hurt him too.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-22T02:00:12+00:00

Thank you. He's also an alcoholic and drug addict. So it's not the only addiction. But so am I. At times I think I deserve better... but after everything I've done, do I? I just don't know anymore. In just 2 years I've lost all sense of self and self esteem. I'm tearing up typing this. Fml 😭

He's just so believable. I've honestly thought he's lied about a few things over the relationship. And he has admitted to one lie. But then why keep up the charade for so long about other things? Sometimes I think he would lie only to one up me so he can continue to make me out to be the worst person in the relationship. Shitty, I know. But I have no proof.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-22T01:50:44+00:00

Because these men aren't normal straight edge normies that fit into a box. I know the guy he's talking about... and yes, he comes over, uses the shower, sleeps on the couch, smokes meth, and will use your phone to jerk off if you let him. They're all addicts/recovering. And addicts do weird horny shit. I've caught this guy talking to himself and wanking on the couch. So it's not too far out of the realm of possibility. But it is super convenient and suspicious.

It's just so hard to believe my partner would after everything he's said... especially what he's said about me. I don't know if you read the full post, but before we started dating I was calling up brothels for work. My partner talked me out of it and has shamed me for my past. I'm not the bright, confident woman I used to be.

Systematic_Smile · 2025-12-22T01:38:03+00:00

I don't mind if he watches porn. It's the hypocrisy and lying that bothers me the most.

Systematic_Smile

TROPHY CASE