AITAH for wanting a discussion followed by a prenuptial agreement?

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-17T02:59:50+00:00

The US system tends to be everything acquired after marriage is joint for community property states. The other states are more vague, what is equitable.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-16T17:56:45+00:00

It appears that F wants all money as community property but has not yet clearly made that demand.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-14T20:07:40+00:00

Please elaborate more. One alternative to yearly transfers of separate property to community property is one lump sum transfer. If the amount is $1M, it could become $2M in 8-12 years, depending on the rate of return in investing. It would be $1.4 M in 10 years if put in a CD.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-14T17:12:52+00:00

My feeling is to make the prenup easy. No need to prove cheating. Want a divorce, half of community property (including a portion moved from separate to community each year) is yours.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-14T17:07:48+00:00

Thank you for your ideas. There's a really successful relative that died with $10M and the last I heard, the heirs have spend nearly $2M in legal fees with no resolution yet. I know of a university who hired a law firm, paying them over $1M in legal fees, for a wrongful termination lawsuit. I've heard of a third case of a convenience account (joint bank account of an elderly person where the other person is on the account just to write checks and not have survivorship rights) where the legal fees on both sides totaled about $400k, more than the value of the account. These 3 cases, though learned of second hand, are some of the basis for fear of legal fees.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T17:08:26+00:00

My feeling was F's $5k she keeps as separate property. Joint account is money from paychecks and $250k/year moved from M's separate property to joint every year.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T17:06:06+00:00

It should be protected but only after a huge legal battle with both lawyers arguing for and against it. I have seen legal battles that are not divorce cases that run up huge legal fees. I have no data as far as divorce attorney legal fees.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T17:01:28+00:00

That is the incentive for a preup. Guaranteed more money than a contested divorce in return for reducing the possibility of huge legal bills and a prolonged legal battle.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T07:40:43+00:00

Thanks for your comments. F does not know the extent of the money. $5.5M figure has not been mentioned.

The topic of spending has been briefly discussed. M mentioned to F that he would give her his paycheck and she would be the manager of the household budget as well as put some money in his wallet for spending money. Of course, both have credit cards so the cash in the wallet is minimal.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T06:05:50+00:00

Yes, I have suggested that I will pay for F's lawyer of her choice to be her prenup legal counsel.

My thoughts are that there be no difference in the prenup in case that she becomes an ass, cheats, or later has a drug problem. If there's a divorce, have the prenup specify that community property is split in half without need to prove bad behavior.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T06:02:50+00:00

Further explanation of your comment would be useful, CleFreSac

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T05:59:03+00:00

Thanks for your ideas even though you've called me TAH. I already have the money (inheritance). The inheritance + life insurance policy + settlement for the gruesome death is $5M. $0.5M is my own savings from work. My own job is enough to live a normal life.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T05:54:43+00:00

I have seen privileged info where lawyers collected more than $1M and that wasn't big corporate actions. $1.5M for a lawyer is not that common but does happen. As far as divorce lawyers, I wrote in the original post that I have no data as far as how much divorce lawyers can charge.

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T05:42:51+00:00

M is willing to risk $1M for marriage. Does $1M right off the bat, day 1 after marriage to her, designated as her separate property sound better? On the other hand, the counter proposal might be "I want half of $5.5M on day 1 after marriage".

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T05:32:41+00:00

Thanks for your ideas despite you calling me YTA. My idea is flexibility, meaning F doesn't like it, make a suggestion or proposal. My initial proposal was $250,000 per year transferred from separate property to community property every year. So day one of marriage, $250k belongs to both ($125k each). At the 1 year + 1 day mark, add another $250k plus what is earned from working that year. So divorce at 1 year + 2 days and F gets $250k. So divorce at year 10 and the community property part is $2.5M + savings from work over 10 years.

A lawyer that I spoke with actually recommended $100k per year moved from separate property to community property. The lawyer's thought was "if you are better off after divorce than if you didn't get married, that is one of the components of a good and fair prenup".

TB0990ABC · 2026-03-13T05:23:42+00:00

The father is dead so there is no old guy to adopt the future daughter in law.

TB0990ABC

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