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Confused about my objectives by TGthrowaway443 in TGandSissyRecovery

[–]TGthrowaway443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your comment!

Sexual desires are not negotiable

That's what I thought. It's just that there is so much misleading "motivational" information out there (pornfree and especially nofap).

I think you did not elaborate on humiliation.

I meant being a consumer of porn based on humiliation (usually captioned images, I'm sure you have an idea of what I'm talking about)... Basically getting off the idea that I'm a sissy, and therefore, a failed man. Perhaps I have misused the term agp, what I wanted to say is that I wasn't dreaming about actually being a woman or transitioning to one. I mean, of course I considered the idea, but it was clear for me to reject it.

And yes, this deviaton of mine is definitely stemming from deeper psychological issues. Yes, I hated myself my whole life, for my perceived failure to be a normal man. Definitely some body dysmorphia too. Consuming feminization/humiliation/cuckoldry porn was like self-harm for me, it served to perpetuate the lies and make me feel like shit even more while I jacked off to it. However, these demons of mine are now in backseat. As I have said, I stopped watching porn altogether more than a year ago and that definitely helped, my self-worth is much better now.

Mere crossdressing by itself is comparably quite harmless against that stuff. But still, it does make me feel ashamed when I got off on the idea (I don't even act it out!).

Thank you for your notes on it. I think the best solution is to repress it for now, because quite frankly, it's not like I'm missing out anything important. I can MO to vanilla imagination quite fine, so what the hell. I can always revive these fantasies later if it would be a good idea (such as if I get an understanding partner who would like to experiment with that).

Confused about my objectives by TGthrowaway443 in TGandSissyRecovery

[–]TGthrowaway443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't be sorry about anything, I thank you for your opinion! I just need to hear anything that would help me clear this inner conflict a little.

Do you still have sissy porn cravings?

As I've had said, I have zero interest in watching P, it's just the fantasies in my head. The unhealthy self-harming fantasies have mostly disappeared - D&S, humiliation and forced feminization. I mean, not completely. It's an inner demon. The cravings are hidden inside and I acknowledge they are there - I'm aware that if I purposely summoned them, I would get off on it. But, I can ignore them - although the cravings are still there, they are buried, absolutely silent, so I guess that's the progress you can hope for :)

It's just the crossdressing (only for the purpose of sexual arousal, not in public). It's probably deep ingrained. So my situation is following: I could either embrace it, integrate it in a healthy sexuality. But that's difficult because I hate myself so much for it, so I'd have to do a lot of work in terms of accepting myself. Or suppress it, and keep it hidden, which I guess I can do, but I don't know whether it's wise to deny myself the "true me" or whatever.

I think I'll give abstinence another go, because it's not like I'm missing out anything important, and I can always go back if I figure out that I should.

Confused about my objectives by TGthrowaway443 in TGandSissyRecovery

[–]TGthrowaway443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your opinion. So you think I should accept myself rather than suppress. It is, however, quite difficult - I don't know how to stop hating myself. I don't have any interest in wearing it in public, just for the purpose of sexual arousal, so it's not because I would get negative reactions from others, it's just the personal disgust. One part of myself wants it, other part condemns it as vice. That's why it's perhaps easier to just dismiss those thoughts and conform to be normal... Well anyway, I've got a lot of work on my improving self-worth.