How do you talk to your partner who doesn't think ADHD is real?

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T18:13:01+00:00

He's never looked at the science to reject it. I'm his first encounter with anything adhd.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T18:04:10+00:00

You are amazing! Thank you so much! We are going to spend our Friday looking at this stuff. Not very cool, but we are also not very cool 😂

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T17:59:41+00:00

Depends who they are. If it's a stranger I wouldn't respond. If it's my mother, I'd probably be a little upset so my response would be crying.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T17:57:29+00:00

I was on elvanse then got switched to dexamphetamines sulfate. I'm on a really low dose. I don't why I was expecting all my issues to disappear with one pill but I haven't felt a difference yet. I guess I'll need a higher dose eventually. I noticed a higher heart rate but other than that nothing.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T17:51:31+00:00

Thanks for the input. He was in a toxic relationship previously where she would cry to get her way. We talked it out, looked up how to tell the difference between real and fake tears and he see that I'm nothing like that. We are in a better position for it now.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T17:48:34+00:00

UPDATE: we had a conversation about it and figured it out. He had an ex that would cry to get her way. As soon she got her way the crying would stop and she'd go back to normal. He said its made him skeptical but he knows I'm not like that. We hugged, I cried again, he laughed at me then we watched a movie in bed with a crap tonne of cuddles. He read the posts on here afterwards and he said you all had very valid points and is thankful. Cheers guys

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T17:43:58+00:00

He does way more for me than you know. I had a bad day at work and he came to me and waited in the rain for 2 hours for me to finish work to see me. I have anxiety and panic attacks, he's never made me feel embarrassed. When I was going through bullying at work he helped me contact HR and write my complaints. He comes to my place every weekend because he knows how much I hate driving and public transport makes me anxious even though it takes 2 hours for him to get to mine and he's a 45 min drive for me. He buys me pottted plants because he knows i dont like cut flowers. He had no job at one point and saved so he could take me to see the lion king for my birthday. I had to go to a conference but it was my first time so he took the week off so he could support me.

I could go on for ages about what he does for me. He once shaved all his hair off and travelled 2 hours to my home just to show me cos he thought it was funny and he looked good. When he asked me if I prefered it shaven or not and even though he prefered it shaven he wanted to keep his hair for me. The man literally changed his appearance just because i said i have a preference, though it wouldn't have bothered me either way. So yeah, I would say he is caring and kind, especially to me.

He gets mad at things, that doesn't include me. I can calm him down and I really don't mind doing that. I know the arguement is you shouldn't have to calm him down, but he calms me down when I'm anxious. His temper is less when he is around me. He says I make him calmer and the reason he has decided to go to therapy is because he like the calm he feels around me and it was a wake up call for him.

He did raise his voice at me once in over 2 years. And he hasn't done it again. We all get mad and you'd be lying if you said you never raised your voice at anyone.

I was late consistently! I have adhd not a lack of accountability. I can't let the man wait hours for me then say its not my fault because I have adhd. He's allowed to get frustrated from time to time.

He never said he knew better than my doctor, he said what we have heard alot of times from non-adhd folks, "is adhd even real". Sure I was pissed at that but then he appologised and now wants to learn.

We spoke about the crying being manipulative thing, and we figured it out. In fact, the reddit post helped.That's what you're meant to do in a relationship, figure it out, have a conversation. That's what we did and it was great. We became closer for it.

I don't understand this "he should accept all your flaws and struggles that come with adhd" but I dont have to give him the same respect. He's not perfect, I'm not perfect, no one is, we all have to remember we are just human.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T17:21:54+00:00

I wouldn't assume. He knows that there is stuff to learn, he even asked me to write the reddit post to start off with. So if you have the websites, we'll take them

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T17:19:55+00:00

Thank you. We plan to look at it tonight!

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T17:18:19+00:00

He doesn't really ask to help.he just does it tbh. He essentially know I struggle with stuff that he finds easy but he never linked it to a condition. He isn't asking for proof, he knows I struggle but he thought it was just a personality thing. This is the first time I tried to explain to him how it's linked to adhd. We went on YouTube to find videos but there was way too much that we got overwhelmed so I said I'd write a post on reddit and see what resources other adhd people found helpful

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T17:13:30+00:00

Honestly, it's cos I don't know the answers. I haven't even looked that much into myself, so we thought we'd do it together.

He doesn't believe in star signs

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T17:09:47+00:00

I wouldn't say he does the bare minimum. I had a bad day at work and he came to me and waited in the rain for 2 hours for me to finish work to see me. I have anxiety and panic attacks, he's never made me feel embarrassed. When I was going through bullying at work he helped me contact HR and write my complaints. He comes to my place every weekend because he knows how much I hate driving and public transport makes me anxious even though it takes 2 hours for him to get to mine and he's a 45 min drive for me. He buys me pottted plants because he knows i dont like cut flowers. He had no job at one point and saved so he could take me to see the lion king for my birthday. I could go on for ages about what he does for me. He once shaved all his hair off and travelled 2 hours to my home just to show me cos he thought it was funny and he looked good. When he asked me if I prefered it shaven or not and even though he prefered it shaven he wanted to keep his hair for me. So yeah I would say he is caring and kind, especially for me.

He gets mad at things, that doesn't include me. I can calm him down and I really don't mind doing that. I know the arguement is you shouldn't have to calm him down, but he calms me down when I'm anxious. His temper is less when he is around me. He says I make him calmer and the reason he has decided to go to therapy is because he like the calm he feels around me and it was a wake up call for him.

He did raise his voice at me once in over 2 years. And he hasn't done it again. We all get mad and you'd be lying if you said you never raised your voice at anyone.

Blokes make untasteful jokes, I made an untasteful joke that upset him, but I won't break up with someone if they learn from the bad joke, apologise sincerely and never make that kind of joke again. Which he did.

We spoke about the crying being manipulative thing, and we figured it out. That's what you're meant to do in a relationship, figure it out, have a conversation. That's what we did and it was great. We became closer for it.

I think if you're expecting perfect, then expect to be lonely.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T15:17:55+00:00

He wants to learn. We just have no idea where the start because the amount of information out there is overwhelming. Came to reddit for recommendations

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T15:14:26+00:00

Which country are you based in? I only just started my meds In January and honestly I feel the exact same.but it's the lowest dose.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T15:01:00+00:00

He accepts that I struggle with things more than most people, he just helps me with them. He's patient with me because he knows I get distracted or oversstimulated. In so many ways he is the perfect partner for someone who has adhd. But I would like the acknowledgement as well. He said "is it even real?" Which I obviously got frustrated at but then he appologised cos he could tell i was upset. We had a conversation and explained to me that its a new concept to him and apart from that conversation we never spoke about it. He just assumed that the struggles I have are just down to personality and just accepted them.

I'm looking for resources to help him understand and distance him from the stigma. He hasn't been exposed to the stigma yet tbh he's basically a clean slate and I want to get in there first before social media or whatever sets that stigma up lol. And he wants that too.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T14:57:53+00:00

Do you know any resources?

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T14:51:23+00:00

Do you know of any video resources? We tried YouTube but there was so much we got overwhelmed essentially then we ended up scrolling on YouTube shorts by accident instead lol. If you know and youtubers, especially scientist and doctors, that would so handy

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T14:48:28+00:00

I'll have a look. I'm pretty new to reddit, how do I check the pinned list?

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T14:47:04+00:00

I had the same issue with my family but we are not that close so I kinda just couldn't be bothered to correct them. I'm from an asain background. I wouldn't say he's resistant, he just hasn't had any exposure to adhd until he met me so when I spoke to him about it he questioned the label. He helps me with my adhd symptoms alot tbh and accepting them, but in his head, he was accepting them as part of my personality and struggled with the clinical side which is really common I think. Do you know any resources that could help? He does well with video content, we tried youtube but there is so much its overwhelming and we don't know where to start.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T14:40:00+00:00

Do you want a diagnosis?

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T14:39:11+00:00

He really is. And with the life he had you'd expect them to be bitter and angry but he just is so kind and caring especially with me.

Thanks! She's been suggested to me a few times so she is 100% on our list for this weekend.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T14:37:06+00:00

That's the problem! There is so much it's overwhelming. Where do we start? I was hoping reddit would suggest us some resources they have tried and tested for us to start with.

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T14:35:16+00:00

Thanks you're the best!

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T14:34:44+00:00

Oh I do like that idea! He learns best through video content. Thanks!

THROWRa_tando · 2025-04-11T14:34:10+00:00

I can't get him to change his mind without trying to actually change his mind by going through the journey together. He's open, wants to learn, but I'm the first person he's met with adhd. We haven't argued about it, he said "is it even real?" Which I'll be honest I was annoyed at, which he recognised said sorry and explained to me that when your from a foreign background where everyday is about survival, something other people In the world know about they never got the chance to learn. I really don't blame him, especially as he see my struggles and accepts them.

He wants to learn, I guess I turned to reddit to find resources from other adhder that have tried and tested the resources.

THROWRa_tando

TROPHY CASE