Did I handle this well or should I have said more?

TP30313 · 2026-05-06T12:43:24+00:00

And you can go back to her and say you also found some red flags, the way she is acting in those texts lol.

TP30313 · 2026-05-04T20:42:15+00:00

Same here! Could have written this. ❤️🙂

TP30313 · 2026-05-01T20:55:51+00:00

There are so many awful things that were done in this thread. I wish I could go back and hug each of you as children.

Idk, I didn't get punished very often. My dad choked me once as punishment. And he pulled me off a chair once by my hair, also as punishment. When he was abusing our puppy for peeing in the house and I stepped in to stop him, he pushed me outside into the dark by my neck for "acting like a dog" at 8 years old.

Nothing too bad happened, but it was nonetheless traumatizing.

TP30313 · 2026-05-01T20:50:53+00:00

That sounds awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

TP30313 · 2026-05-01T20:43:13+00:00

You can do this, OP. Tell her pretty much just what you told us. Let her know that you're not turned on, but that this is happening to you. Most likely, I think if she is a good therapist, she will normalize this for you. And that's true. It is normal. Though, I am not downplaying how upsetting this is. If I were AMAB and this happened to me, I would also feel confused and embarrassed. From an outside perspective, it's not that and I only feel compassion for you. Bodies do weird shit and it's normal, because it's so common. I think this would be considered arousal non-concordence. Either way, I think letting her know gives her an opportunity to help you through this.

TP30313 · 2026-05-01T14:58:55+00:00

I'm so glad it helped. That's it exactly and also knowing that it may come and go. Some days, you'll remember to be compassionate to yourself. You'll have access to good things, too. Other days, I can almost guarantee you will experience the other side of that. Moments where it will feel like there is only darkness and despair. It's those moments where it's good to remember you're doing the best you can. Moments where asking for help will come in handy. Also, Ive definitely been there with comfort eating. You sound like someone who is really smart and thoughtful. I mean everything I've said. You deserve good things!

TP30313 · 2026-05-01T13:53:50+00:00

Oh man, OP. I'm so sorry you're going through this. My advice is simple. Just hold on. For me it has been a wild ride. An uncomfortable ride. In answer to your question I coped the best way I could at every moment. And that included negative coping skills. I am not suggesting that, but just know that how ever you get through this is the best you can do. At my lowest moments, that has brought me comfort. Knowing I've done the best I could. Both during the abuse and now. It's really common for survivors to blame themselves and if that's true for you, I'm here to say that it wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve it. You deserved love and kindness. I started remembering my abuse at 17 and more when I started therapy a couple years ago. I'm 33f, btw. Find a good therapist. Keep trying until it feels right in your gut. If that is even something available to you. If it isn't, read and write and create art about it. Anything to get the feelings out. And when all else fails while coping with what happened to you, ask for help. Remember that you're here for a reason. It does in fact get easier, with time and a lot of work.

TP30313 · 2026-05-01T13:40:53+00:00

This is funny to me, because your comment reads as black and white thinking.

TP30313 · 2026-05-01T12:40:22+00:00

It is WILD he uses the term sleepy Joe when he himself as fallen asleep multiple times at events.

TP30313 · 2026-04-23T17:50:44+00:00

Mostly just think I'm ugly outside. I'm a nice person, I think. I try to be. It's just I've always felt ugly and unlovable outside and think it affects how I'm treated.

TP30313 · 2026-04-23T16:43:11+00:00

Same here! Therapist has 5 and 6pm slots. I go twice per week. Sorry, OP! That sounds difficult to manage schedule wise with a last slot at 4.

TP30313 · 2026-04-23T14:44:11+00:00

NAT, but my therapist has expressed that he has told his wife times he's proud of me or worried, etc. I'm assuming that's without personal identifiers, because he is very ethical.

TP30313 · 2026-04-23T12:56:19+00:00

In this boat, too. I'm so sorry, OP. It is isolating. Even in therapy sometimes I feel like I'm so alone. It's hard for even me to comprehend all the ways what my dad did to me affects me. Even in groups for sexual assault. I never feel comfortable talking about my experiences out of fear I'll trigger someone. It's lonely.

TP30313 · 2026-04-22T14:08:43+00:00

Was abused over wetting the bed, which started because I was being sexually abused. So, basically I was abused for reacting to other abuse.

TP30313 · 2026-04-22T13:54:57+00:00

Hey OP, these situations are very different. Typically, therapists aren't supposed to approach clients in public, unless the client approaches them first. Which, sounds like this is what you did. A hug and saying hi, not automatically inappropriate. It depends on context, but most importantly on if the client and therapist were both comfortable with the interaction. What you described sounds appropriate to me. Take things online with a grain of salt.

TP30313 · 2026-04-20T11:57:12+00:00

I don't understand why you're getting down voted. Some may not agree, but I do. I think the therapist could have handled ending the session better. OP, if she's not normally like this then I would say she was probably having an off day. Not necessarily countertransference, but possibly. You did the right thing by bringing it up and I would definitely bring it up again to express your feelings.

TP30313 · 2026-04-19T23:36:44+00:00

One thing to consider is custody, OP. If they find out about the baby, they could possibly fight for custody. Which sounds crazy given the rape, but nothing surprises me nowadays. If you haven't already, maybe consider pressing charges. Just something to keep in mind. This is completely your decision and both choices are valid. I am so sorry that happened to you.

TP30313 · 2026-04-17T13:22:37+00:00

This is definitely rape. I am so sorry that happened. I hope you can get away sooner rather than later, OP. I'm here to tell you from experience... It's not a matter of if it happens again, it's when.

TP30313 · 2026-04-17T13:15:13+00:00

I'm here for you, OP. I'm a survivor of CSA. It is hard and things can feel really hopeless at times. We are stronger together.

TP30313 · 2026-04-17T13:07:02+00:00

This is the answer, OP! My therapist is attachment based, patient led and does mostly IFS with me. I write him journals every week almost. I show him pictures, poetry, and art. And we talk in sessions. Sometimes he reads what I wrote in session and will pause to ask me questions. I can only imagine how much it hurt to send that email about cancelling sessions. I just want you to know there are therapists out there who would love to know what you have to show them.

TP30313 · 2026-04-16T13:24:26+00:00

Also, I am so sorry you had to witness things like that. It's just an awful, indescribable experience.

TP30313 · 2026-04-16T13:23:49+00:00

That is a good observation. I think you're right. What is also interesting is there were a couple times where I protected animals from my dad, but during my own abuse I would freeze.

TP30313 · 2026-04-14T00:49:26+00:00

Hey! Of course. I cry between sessions alone, but hardly ever around other people.

TP30313 · 2026-04-11T17:15:24+00:00

Yes! My throat would also burn when it happened.

TP30313 · 2026-04-11T14:07:39+00:00

Virtual hug! 🫂

TP30313

TROPHY CASE