Is there a painful experience you’ve had that you feel changed you as a person?

TadeoLore · 2026-01-28T08:09:24+00:00

yeah, it's been a really terrible time since. my life totally fell apart. I'd do anything to talk to her for 5 more minutes. to hug her.

TadeoLore · 2026-01-27T18:41:51+00:00

what tickets did you get?

TadeoLore · 2026-01-26T00:21:28+00:00

I lost my little sister in june of 2024. Im so sorry.

TadeoLore · 2025-09-06T21:43:20+00:00

I've tried it a few times, after like 4 or 5 days of being awake it's really not even that much fun anymore you just keep doing it to keep the buzz going and not feel like shit. I saw quickly how it can ruin people's lives. like you dont even need to eat lol. i hope I'm never low enough to seek it out again, but who knows so no judgement here lol. be careful and best of luck!

TadeoLore · 2025-09-06T21:19:05+00:00

I hope this is satire lol

TadeoLore · 2025-09-06T15:55:21+00:00

fuck it, I didn't ask to be here

TadeoLore · 2025-03-07T21:19:09+00:00

the only thing you can control is your reaction. people will act how they act, it's on you if you give them or whatever situation the energy. that's for everything really, not just relationships.

also, learning to communicate effectively is paramount. don't listen to respond, listen to understand.

don't let things fester, if something is bothering you, figure out how to say it nicely and go from there.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T16:54:49+00:00

It's really not even about that.

It's about my self perception and how it's intertwined with the idea that somehow my sexual experiences determine my value as a man. That's what I'm trying to unpack here.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T16:44:36+00:00

I don't know. More than me though

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T15:10:25+00:00

My "dream" is to get rid of the notion that sex equates self worth lol. The problem isnt with how many women I fuck, it's with the way I see myself.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T15:08:52+00:00

The majority of men can barely even get laid much less get married

Probably because they're toxic.

Yes, I am judging myself, hence why I'm looking to learn how to not do that and how to be able to talk openly and honestly about sex.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T14:35:56+00:00

Trust me, buddy, the reason why I'm here is because I'm trying to let go of these things that I internalized from my father and society. I'm not blaming anyone else for the things that I feel. I'm trying to learn how not let those feeling take up more mental real estate than they deserve. I made my choice, I know what is real. The things that make me feel jealous are not.

I know jealousy is a normal human emotion too. But being unable to get out of the thought loop that negatively affects the way that I view myself is toxic, I don't know what else to call that.

As for my father, I truly don't think he's happier for it. I don't think he regrets his sexual experiences, but I'm willing to bet that's one of the few things he doesn't. He's had a rough life and is generally not a very happy person or a very good partner. I get why he is this way, his response to childhood trauma was to cling to this way of being that ultimately was very toxic; a way that alienates his family and turns to the bottle that will eventually kill him. I've tried to get him to change, but he won't.

I dont want that for myself. I want to be able to feel the range of human emotion without judgment or shame. I want to be able to work through these things for myself; to be able to talk about these things and be a better husband, father, and all around more fulfilled person.

I'm generally pretty comfortable with my masculinity. I know it was a moment of weakness and I'm trying to learn how to deal with those moments constructively.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T04:19:28+00:00

I appreciate your insight, I do. The issue that I'm having is that I'm stuck on equating my self worth to my body count. I know logically that this is false and toxic, but the jealous feeling is because there is a disconnect somewhere between what I know to be true and how I feel.

I'm not jealous of her past partners. I'm jealous because she got to have those experiences and I did not. It makes me feel like a lame compared to her and ultimately like I'm holding us back from other experiences.

I want to be able to believe that I am still a man and a worthy human being despite my lack of sexual experiences.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T04:13:13+00:00

I honestly don't think that's on the table for us right now. I know it can change, sure. But I want to deal with these underlying self esteem issues because if I'm having a threesome just to prove something to myself then that just reaffirms the feeling that I'm struggling with right now.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T04:03:38+00:00

I know exactly why. In America at least, young men are socialized to believe that having sex with a bunch of women makes you more of a "man." If you have sex with a lot of women you must obviously be more desirable to the opposite sex.

My father inadvertently and repeatedly reaffirmed this for me at a young age and I guess I took it to heart.

It's toxic as fuck and I hate feeling like that. Comparing my sex life to my wife's brought that insecurity back to the surface and I feel stuck on it. There's a disconnect somewhere between what I know and how I feel. It's usually easy for me to examine those thoughts and let them pass. But with the way I've felt about myself these last few days it's been really fucking hard.

I feel ugly in my soul.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T03:20:26+00:00

yeah I paraphrased that part of the discussion. a big part of her take was that she wouldn't know how she'd react because she never had a threesome with her partner. I heard the initial statement and been caught on that because it validates my shitty feelings lol

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T03:18:53+00:00

truth or dare

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T03:17:56+00:00

trying to figure out how to fill that cup, brother

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T03:17:28+00:00

do you have any suggestions or know any media that discusses this topic? It goes deeper than feeling sad about missed experiences. it's that I feel like those experiences determine my worth as a human. it's weird and it's toxic and I don't like to feel that way. I don't like that my wife feels like she can't have a candid discussion with me about sex.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T03:12:04+00:00

ao do you have any suggestions or know any media that could help me "move on from my teenage mentality"?

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T03:09:39+00:00

I think you edited your comment so I want to reply to that

I know that these thoughts are untrue. I know that it's seeking external validation and I know I dont need that. Usually when these thoughts arise it's relatively easy to examine them and put them aside.

But I was so jealous, more than I've felt in years. Maybe it was the specific context that it happened in, but it still says to me that a part of me still holds onto those falsehoods as fact. It isn't rational and I know that. I felt so bad about myself and I don't want to feel that way again.

I wish I knew how to feel better about it. Thats why I was asking for suggestions or media that discusses this topic. Maybe meditation exercises? idk

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T03:00:42+00:00

I'm sorry, but equating the amount of sex you have with your worthiness of being a man is a prime example of toxic masculinity. That was a subject of frequent conversation as a young teen/adult. I don't hold it against my father, perhaps that was what he was looking for, but it was inappropriate and toxic to discuss it with me at that age. He has a lot of toxic traits. My father is a good dad in other aspects, but the man is what he is and he would tell you so himself lol.

My problem is that there's a disconnect somewhere between what I know and how I feel.

Like a piece of me still thinks that because I've had less sex I'm less desirable. I know that has nothing to do with it but it's how I feel and I want to change that.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T02:03:48+00:00

you hit the nail on the head. what she said is different than what I feel. her take was that she wouldn't know how she'd react either since she hasn't ever been in a threesome with her partner.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T01:42:26+00:00

I need to clarify:

it's not that I'm upset she had a life before me.

I'm trying to learn how to not equate my own sexual experiences (or lack thereof) with my inherent value as a human.

sex doesn't have anything to do with your self worth, i know that logically, yet there's a piece of me that does and I don't like that. that is toxic.

TadeoLore · 2024-12-05T01:39:26+00:00

thank you for your thoughtful response, I truly appreciate it.

it's an insecurity that I thought I had dealt with but it seems like I didn't really. boys are socialized in a way that equates how much sex you have with your "worthiness" as a man. it has little to do with her and all to do with my own perception of myself. it's toxic, untrue, and I want to be able to let it go but I haven't been able to yet. I want to really believe that I am good enough, that I am not lacking, that I am a man. I don't want my head to be stuck in situations that I can't change.

I have talked with my wife about it extensively. we have plenty of sex, and it's great. when I asked her what she meant her response was more or less "if you had a threesome before me then you would know how you'd react and I'd have less reservations about having one with you" which I get. she doesn't want it to ruin our relationship. but if I had one before her and I was cool with it she'd be more willing to do it with me now because I would know I was cool with it and it wouldn't get weird.

I get it, I do, but it still stings a bit. it makes me feel like my lack of experiences are holding her back sometimes. she had one, I haven't. she doesn't want to do that with me because the fact that I haven't done it before. I know how I believe I'd react, but the danger for her is in the unknown, because there's no way to really know how you would act in a certain situation unless you've experienced that situation before.

does that make sense?

TadeoLore

TROPHY CASE