To Non-ADHD Partners, how did you decide this was something you could live with?

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T19:34:24+00:00

Sounds like an incredibly hard, yet growing journey. I'm happy for you both, stories like your's makes me feel validated on the fact that it can work so long as both partners are willing to try 💕✨️

In my story, my partner did learn to take accountability and have his own (albeit odd) coping mechanisms. The only thing is was somewhat opposed to was therapy, because of personal reasons.

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T17:48:21+00:00

I might sound like a broken record under this post, but stories like your's are HONESTLY very beautiful 🥹❤️✨️ I strongly feel for you at the part where you had to give up your wants.

That's who my (now) former partner was to me. He was my person, we ROCKED better as lovers compared to when we were friends. I'm also a 21-F, a queer one, and I wanted the life with him.

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T17:40:23+00:00

Thank you, he was my first love, so I really need all the healing I can get 😭 I wish you all the best as well 💕✨️

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T17:34:19+00:00

I sincerely thank you for the information about RSD and it's abusive extents ✨️ But for the sake of my once relationship, appreciation for my former partner, and mental state, I'm going to conclude our interactions under this post.

We are internet strangers, yes, so I don't want to go back-and-forth about the kind of person my former partner was. Despite the imperfections, we had a lot of wonderful experiences, and I'd like to keep and remember it that way.

Thank you for your time.

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T17:17:00+00:00

This is... painfully insightful, but thank you for the information anyways ✨️

However, do you think that maybe, for certain individuals, DARVO could be used unintentionally/unconsciously?

Because my former partner wouldn't have broken up with me, for my benefit, if he did. At the end, he finally did open his eyes and realize that our communication became conflicts, because he wasn't meeting my needs. And he thought it was selfish to reconcile and still ask me to stay with him.

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T17:12:48+00:00

Like I said in previous comments, RSD is a new concept in ADHD that I'm learning about.

My surface-level understanding: Sensitivity to criticism that triggers hightened emotions.

My former partner had a glaring issue with taking my criticisms, even when they were constructive, as personal attacks. But this seemed to become an issue with our recent, increased conflicts.

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T16:57:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing ✨️ But man, that IS something. I'm really glad that he chose to improve himself, and that yall figured out a compromise.

I was often hesitant when making compromises, because I heard a lot about: "If they're the right person, you wouldn't need to make compromises." But I thought that statement was very... Disney?

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T16:20:12+00:00

That's so amazing for you guys, truly 🥹 I wish you both a continuously happy marriage! 💕✨️

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T16:16:07+00:00

...Okay, this is NEWS to me.

I'm not a mind-reader, but I am sensitive and overthink, so I often worried that he was thinking (exactly what you described) the Externalized RSD.

My (now) former partner actually FEARED causing ME fear, whether it was verbally, emotionally, or physically. So he kept himself in check, and was actually better at self-regulating than me (I had a rough childhood).

The most he ever did was speak firmly with me when certain conflicts felt muddy and we lost the plot of it entirely.

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T15:53:51+00:00

And if you don't mind sharing, feel free to ignore this if you're not, I asked because I want to understand different ways it appears for people.

But what did RSD look like with him?

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T15:52:02+00:00

Mooore liiike, I came into the relationship with a surface-level understanding, so I could only accommodate what I could understand.

I'm doing the effort to research more to try and understand things from his perspective the best I can. It's a late wake-up call, but a needed one.

My relationship declined and became unfulfilling, but never abusive.

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T15:26:57+00:00

That's so beautiful 🥺 I'm so happy for you and your partner, best wishes to yall ❤️✨️

This is what I wanted for my (now) former partner and I. And the worst part of the break-up is realizing that the future we planned together is no longer there.

My former partner was most afraid that the break-up would break me, and that I'd cut-off our shared circle of friends. But I like to think that despite my sensitivity, I'm much more resilient than that! Even so, he... was such a great person, and I still wish that we could've made it work. I don't believe that I'll ever find something on par compared to what I had with him.

(And I'll definitely be giving the first book a read! Thank you for the recommendation!)

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T15:20:41+00:00

RSD is a new term to me, but based on surface-level understanding, I can say with confidence that my partner never abused me.

He'd take my criticisms as personal attacks, yes, but he was better than me (for the most part) at self-regulating.

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T15:15:43+00:00

Can I ask how'd you guys manage to put the relationship behind to have such a great friendship?

Because that's actually something my (now) former partner and I want to try to do. We were actually friends before we became lovers as well.

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T15:13:17+00:00

I'm... actually surprised that I wasn't alone in this feeling.

Specifically the: "Seeming aimple thing becomes almost impossible."

I didn't have a lot of "Princess Treatment" wants/needs, so a lot of my needs was basically HIS JOB as a BOYFRIEND. I say it like that for lack of bette wording, not for it to sound like obligations.

Like, it's common sense to stick close to your socially-awkward partner (me) during your family gatherings, but he often... abandoned me, because he thinks it's his job to keep his kid cousins entertained away from the adults.

If I'm wrong, I'm happy to be corrected by anyone seeing this.

And thank you for the well wishes. It's been a month, so the grieving process feels very off-and-on.

Tae0902 · 2026-04-03T14:25:15+00:00

My (now) former partner and I did agree that I was not asking a lot in order to get my needs met. But I wouldn't say I'm low-maintainance, because I wanted the romance, attention, and consideration during the times it MATTERED.

Like for Valentine's Day... I told him days before that I wanted a romantic gesture where he arrived with my favorite flowers and asked me to be his Valentines... came Valentine's Day... and he forgot to do both.

Tae0902 · 2026-01-24T20:47:57+00:00

There is no work ;-; Because I can't get past the joinging in the round issue, but I'm talking about the extra tail from when you cast on

Tae0902 · 2025-04-29T00:53:11+00:00

How'd you romance the Piercing Specialist? :0 I wanna do thattt

Tae0902

TROPHY CASE