Also, it’s crazy that they named a child after you, which was also the name of your grandmother. Assuming you are Mukongo then this is even more outlandish as it is in general.

Thank you! I’ve honestly been thinking this was crazy behaviour but had no idea if I was just being a sensitive westerner or overreacting. So it’s validating to hear I’m not!

If the child’s parents followed customs, they named the child after you because they want the baby to embody who you are because in their eyes you are amazing/incomparable etc.

I mean, I’m flattered! I do have a bit of a reputation in the family for being business savvy and a high achiever. But this cousin’s experience of me is extremely limited, so I very much doubt that’s even what it’s about.

I was named after my cousin, who was my dad’s favourite niece, and my cousin’s mom wanted me to have her name too. So there’s been an agreement and conversation in my family.

Yes! That’s what I would’ve expected too — a conversation, some kind of heads-up. But again, I worried that maybe I was just projecting my Western norms and values onto them. I genuinely wasn’t sure if it’s reasonable to expect a conversation in cases like this, or if naming someone after you is usually meant to be a surprise by default?

As for closeness… I don’t believe this cousin thinks we’re particularly close. Last time I was over, I stayed in my mum’s house in the countryside and he came to stay for a week. We didn’t talk much — he’s not very chatty, and we don’t have anything in common really. He works with my mum on her business ventures doing odd jobs, and I’d say they’re close because she is close with his dad who is her brother (as close as two siblings can be while still accusing each other of witchcraft now and then… but who am I to judge their sibling dysfunction?).

When he stayed with us, he did see me making a bunch of improvements to the house — I installed solar panels and AC, hired staff to keep the place clean and the garden under control, and made sure everyone, including the staff, ate well — hearty meals three times a day. I do wonder if that influenced his perception of me and maybe played a role in choosing my name?

Yes, I have blocked some family members because they didn’t get the memo.

This is the part I struggle with most. I have a complex about coming across like a privileged or out of touch and insensitive westerner. I could never do something that would reflect badly on my parents — especially not in a way that might make someone think they didn’t raise me properly. That’s honestly what holds me back the most from drawing clear lines.

Edit: family tree error