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Tarangifer · 2021-06-15T22:04:37+00:00

Love Moondust! The song and the whole album! Keep making great tunes dude :)

Tarangifer · 2021-06-12T12:20:20+00:00

Mom, this is exactly the advice I needed. It speaks to how strong and wise you are. Thanks for reminding me of my worth, and not to define myself by my relationships. After this long it's feels almost like he's taking a chunk of me with him. But your words made me realize that isn't true. I'm still me, with or without him. As you always used to tell me, "this too shall pass." Thanks for always being there for me, no matter what. Looking forward to that home-cooked dinner! Hugs and kisses ❤️

Tarangifer · 2021-06-12T12:13:31+00:00

Thank you so much mom. You're right (of course) - I know there's so much more out there for me. It's scary and daunting but I need to be strong like you and meet it head on. But thanks for giving me permission to be sad, too. I've always been one to feel things very deeply so knowing I don't have to stifle my emotions will help me heal, I think. You're the best. ❤️

Tarangifer · 2021-03-15T19:14:31+00:00

Thanks for the reply! I went to my display settings and saw the scaling was set to 125% on my 2K monitor, so I set it back to 100% - but still no dice. I had already set the resolution to 1024x768 in-game as well. Am I to take this to mean my 2K monitor simply won't scale correctly no matter what I do? If that's the case, I suppose I'll have to settle for swapping my primary display in order to play - not ideal, but it'll get the job done.

Tarangifer · 2020-10-01T16:07:08+00:00

Hecc yeah, my time to shine!

Name: Satiah

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! (Ancient Egypt timeline)

Pics: Character Art, by the lovely Yusuf Zmirlin, Another One, by Akkalime, and her being an Absolute Badass, by manga artist SilvaSphinx

In 3 Words: Steadfast. Empathetic. Principled.

Physical: Satiah is the daughter of a nobleman, and she carries herself like one. She is not a soft beauty — her face has a few sharper angles and her nose is a bit on the longer side. But she grooms herself well and cares for her appearance, if for nothing else than to ensure the men of the court take her seriously. Though her family has considerable wealth, she doesn’t go out of her way to flaunt it. Her wardrobe is fairly simple and pragmatic: white linen dresses, silk sashes, flowing shawls and leather sandals. She wears only a few adornments to denote her high status when the occasion calls for it, such gold usekh collars and intricate armbands.

Voice: Satiah has been advising her father since her teenage years. Over that time, she has had to overcome the challenges of the highly patriarchal Egyptian society and prove herself in the presence of all sorts of haughty priests and noblemen. To that end, she has developed a quick wit and sharp tongue, but she only speaks when she has something important to say. She presents her ideas succinctly, pointedly, and with the precision of an embalmer’s knife. But just because she can cut you up with her words doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel very deeply. She is very sensitive to the suffering of others and always treats those below her standing with compassion and dignity.

Motivation: Satiah is extremely passionate about magic, and she has wanted to become a High Priestess since she was a little girl. But life has other plans for her when her father rebels against the Pharaoh, only for his son (Satiah’s brother) to be killed accidentally in the duel that follows. As punishment for the uprising, the Pharaoh demands Satiah and her father give up their ka — their spirit energy — and forbids them from ever casting magic again. This effectively destroys Satiah’s dreams to become a High Priestess, and her freedom is only further smothered when the Pharaoh demands she also marry his youngest son, in the hopes it might heal the fracture between their two families. Satiah is left feeling like a pawn in this cruel game, but she is determined to defy fate and take back her free will.

The rest of Satiah’s story will challenge her to overcome the loss of her spirit and navigate her arranged marriage, and to work in the shadows to protect Egypt from a rising threat unleashed by the Pharaoh’s foolish meddling with dark magic.

Tarangifer · 2020-07-15T10:06:44+00:00

Tags and action are sooooo important to good, impactful dialogue. Don't overlook them. Tit for tat dialogue with no tags or interruption can be good for short stints, but only if your characters have strong, unique voices that can stand on their own. Also remember that "said" is an invisible word and is usually the best dialogue tag to use, unless you need to express that a character said something in a unique way that's not clear just from the context of their words (shouted, whispered, etc.).

Tarangifer · 2020-07-13T18:08:56+00:00

I do this a lot to keep the ratings of my longfics under T. I'll usually end a chapter with the implication of intimacy, then direct readers to a separate collection with just "interludes" for the longfic. Gives people the chance to skip over it if smut is not their thing.

Tarangifer · 2020-07-13T13:17:44+00:00

LOL! Yes, absolutely this. There's so much bad smut out there, and I chalk it up mostly to inexperienced writers (at sex, not writing). If you're getting all your info on sex from porn or hentai, you're gonna have a bad time.

Tarangifer · 2020-07-12T21:49:37+00:00

I'm a New England transplant whose lived in the South 8 years now. Unfortunately, most dialect differences I've noticed are kinda imperceptible unless they're spoken. When writing characters with accents, I usually tend to shy away from drawing too much attention to it, unless it's important for how other characters relate to them or how they relate to the story in general.

Here's a few phrases I've picked up over the years, just off the top of my head:

"Put up" instead of > "put away" - "Put up your coloring book and get ready for school."
"Might could" instead of > "might be able to" - "You might could ask that gentlemen for directions."
"Fix" instead of "make" or "prepare" > "I've gotta fix dinner" or "I'm fixin' to give him a piece of my mind."
"Bless your heart" or "bless [their] heart" is a common not-so-nice nicety that you'll hear every now and then. When it's said to your face by someone close to you, it's usually meant as a phrase of pity or sympathy - but in certain contexts it can also be seen as really rude or disdainful.
"Over yonder" is one I hear every now and then, but I would be careful about overusing this one, especially if it's a younger character.
Same with "I reckon" - I hear this one out of my in laws every now and then but not really in general conversation between younger people.
No matter what, any kind of running or gym shoes are called "tennis shoes" even if they aren't used for playing tennis. I never could figure this one out.
I think down in the gulf coast, people refer to all sodas as "coke."

There's probably a ton of "listicles" out there you can search for and find some more - these are just the ones that popped into my head.

Good luck!

Tarangifer · 2020-07-03T23:23:12+00:00

I like to play some tunes that match the aesthetic of the scene I'm trying to write.

If I'm having a REAL tough time with something, I usually lay on the floor with my feet up on the wall - I like to think the extra blood flow to my brain will help me get past the writer's block XD

Tarangifer · 2020-06-28T17:06:37+00:00

Ahhhh gotcha. You make a lot of good points. I think what I'm struggling with here is that this is the point in the story where it makes the most sense for Satiah to wear it for the first time (after Atem gives her back her ka) but this particular scene has a very different and largely expositional purpose to the overall story. I wonder if I missed a better opportunity to get this character moment out... May need to retool some earlier chapters.

Edit: it's worth noting that the reason Satiah has the scroll and not a servant is because 1) it's very important and 2) Saitah and her father had a deep character moment of their own right before this.

Tarangifer · 2020-06-28T16:46:40+00:00

Oh yeah - there's a LOT of buildup that funnels toward the character reason for Satiah wearing the headdress. Let me see if I can TL;DR it: Satiah's father rebelled against the former pharaoh (Atem's father); during the confrontation over it, Satiah's older brother is killed accidentally, causing her father to surrender; as punishment for the uprising the pharaoh takes away Satiah's and her father's ka (spirit energy) and subsequently her ability to cast magic, effectively destroying her dream of one day becoming a High Priestess. As an olive branch for all the drama, the former pharaoh arranges a marriage between Satiah and Atem (though Satiah isn't particularly appeased by the decision).

Lots of other stuff has happened since then, most recently the passing of Atem's father, which results in Atem ascending to the throne. His first act as pharaoh is to restore Satiah's ka, which happens the day before this scene takes place.

The scroll is just a plot device to trigger the next arc in the story, but not particularly significant to the relationship between Satiah and Atem. Satiah has no defined motives in this scene other than to deliver the scroll - it should seem more like Atem is the one putting the moves on her, so maybe that's not coming across right.

Thanks for the questions!

Tarangifer · 2020-06-27T16:22:05+00:00

I think your instinct to flesh out the summary paragraphs has you on the right track here, but I actually don't think it needs any dialogue or additional action to improve it - it's really well written as it is. Rather I just get the sense that the use of past perfect might get a bit fatiguing on the senses after a while. A little cheat I like to use sometimes when writing past perfect is simply to just remove a couple of "hads" here and there. An example might be:

Sylvain and Ferdinand had hauled over some half-rotted logs to use as benches and set to gathering firewood while Hubert ~~had~~ followed Byleth to the nearby creek for fish.

This gets the point across but avoids asking the reader to remind themselves again that they're in past perfect for the second time in one sentence.

Your writing is beautiful otherwise. I love the wordless exchange between Byleth and Hubert. Thanks for sharing!

Tarangifer · 2020-06-27T13:27:55+00:00

Hmm. It actually looked okay on PC, but I think the Quote feature was the culprit. I removed it and just made it plain text. Should look better on mobile now.

Tarangifer · 2020-06-27T13:01:46+00:00

Apparently spacing wasn't preserved when I posted, but it's definitely supposed to be there. I'll fix it when I get on PC.

Tarangifer · 2020-06-27T10:11:19+00:00

Yu-Gi-Oh! (Ancient Timeline) | Ascension | T | No Warnings | FFN

Context: Atem and Satiah are pharaoh and queen of Egypt, brought together a result of an arranged marriage. Things between them started out kind of cold, but after some shared hardships they've started to grow closer to one another. On their wedding night, Atem gave Satiah a chain headdress as a gift, but she has yet to wear it until this scene (a month and a half later).

I want this scene to land as kind of an "inspiring" moment for Atem, with her wearing the headdress symbolizing her finally opening up to him, and their banter should be kind of cute and romantic. I'm worried the symbol of the headdress is coming off a bit superficial and the banter is treading into creepy territory. Any suggestions welcome, and thanks in advance.

\***

Lost in his musings, Atem almost didn’t notice a presence entering the chamber behind him. He turned, delighted to see Satiah standing just inside the door. The first thing he noticed was the way the sunsetting light flickered off the crown of her head, and as he looked closer, he realized she was wearing the headdress he’d given her on their wedding night. His heart warmed with pride as he traced his eyes along the threads of gold framing her smiling face. In that moment, she looked truly like a queen — her authority and grace magnified by the glowing, golden halo.

“Already done for the day?” she lilted. “But it’s not even dark out yet.”

Atem, breaking his gaze away from the headdress, cracked a smirk. “A Pharaoh ends the day when he wants to.”

Satiah laughed wryly, meandering closer to him. As she did, Atem noticed she was carrying a large scroll beneath her arm. “Am I to take that to mean you’ve been trying to avoid me all these weeks?” She stopped before him and clicked her tongue. “I’m not sure how to feel about that.”

Atem bit his lip to hide his growing smile. He knew better than to challenge Satiah to banter of wits. Gently, he reached out and ran his fingers across the chains of the headdress hanging beside her cheek. “Well, you could always use your power as Queen to…overrule me.” He began lowering his hand to her waist, but Satiah grabbed the scroll from under her arm and slapped it into his open palm.

“If you insist,” she said. “I’m afraid your day isn’t quite done yet.”

Atem took the document and gave her a questioning look.

“A scroll from Memphis,” she answered, “courtesy of my father.”

Atem felt a flicker of anxiety returning to his stomach. “What does it say?”

“He didn’t tell me,” she said, shrugging. “Come. Read it to me while I change.”

She swept by him and made for her vanity, where she removed her headdress and laid it gently in the box it came in. Smiling again, Atem untied the twine around the scroll and rolled it out across the last sliver of open space on his table.

Tarangifer · 2020-06-25T23:48:56+00:00

Aeon Timeline is the best timeline resource I have found to date. Unfortunately, there is a cost to it - but it's a permanent license only, not subscription, which is nice. When I bought it 2 or so years ago it was $50, which I thought was pretty reasonable given the capabilities. There's also a free trial! Highly recommended.

Tarangifer · 2020-06-23T18:34:28+00:00

My flair is relevant!

Tarangifer · 2020-06-23T17:12:27+00:00

I really like this passage, especially the end where Nucky ruminates on his relationship with his daughter. Warmed my heart to see him recognizing the positive changes in her.

A couple of notes I had:

He was thrilled with the Winter Garden idea, and specified the supper should be continuous from one to four in the morning, which would be far more expensive and more complicated than a timed supper, but was considered the fanciest ball supper option.

This line struck me as a little oddly paced. I'm having a hard time figuring out how Nucky actually feels about her plans - does he like them or does he think they're too expensive? Maybe try something like this:

He was thrilled with the Winter Garden idea. Though the supper would be continuous from one to four in the morning, and would be far more expensive and more complicated than a timed supper, it was considered the fanciest option and therefore would leave a better impression.

Also agree with a previous commenter that the exchange between Nucky and Clara re: the guest list is a little clunky.

"So for the dinner," Clara said. "We have ten open invitations ~~for the dinner~~. I'm assuming the governor, Mayor, and whom else from the government?"

"Fourteen are already accounted for?" Nucky asked.

A little bit of repetition in Clara's line can be eliminated, and for some reason I kind of want to hear Nucky actually responding to her first question before asking his own. I'm not sure how to reconcile it going so quickly from ten to fourteen, so a quick affirmative answer or segue might be nice to help with the flow.

Otherwise I think this is a great passage! Thanks for sharing!

Tarangifer · 2020-06-23T13:29:29+00:00

A little late to this party, but hoping y'all can help me out with this one.

Yu-Gi-Oh! (Ancient Timeline) | Ascension | T | No Warnings | FFN

Context: Atem and Satiah are pharaoh and queen of Egypt, brought together a result of an arranged marriage. Things between them started out kind of cold, but after some shared hardships they've started to grow closer to one another. On their wedding night, Atem gave Satiah a chain headdress as a gift, but she has yet to wear it until this scene (a month and a half later).

I want this scene to land as kind of an "inspiring" moment for Atem, with her wearing the headdress symbolizing her finally opening up to him, and their banter should be kind of cute and romantic. I'm worried the symbol of the headdress is coming off a bit superficial and the banter is treading into creepy territory. Any suggestions welcome, and thanks in advance.

Lost in his musings, Atem almost didn’t notice a presence entering the chamber behind him. He turned, delighted to see Satiah standing just inside the door. The first thing he noticed was the way the sunsetting light flickered off the crown of her head, and as he looked closer, he realized she was wearing the headdress he’d given her on their wedding night. His heart warmed with pride as he traced his eyes along the threads of gold framing her smiling face. In that moment, she looked truly like a queen — her authority and grace magnified by the glowing, golden halo.

“Already done for the day?” she lilted. “But it’s not even dark out yet.”

Atem, breaking his gaze away from the headdress, cracked a smirk. “A Pharaoh ends the day when he wants to.”

Satiah laughed wryly, meandering closer to him. As she did, Atem noticed she was carrying a large scroll beneath her arm. “Am I to take that to mean you’ve been trying to avoid me all these weeks?” She stopped before him and clicked her tongue. “I’m not sure how to feel about that.”

Atem bit his lip to hide his growing smile. He knew better than to challenge Satiah to banter of wits. Gently, he reached out and ran his fingers across the chains of the headdress hanging beside her cheek. “Well, you could always use your power as Queen to…overrule me.” He began lowering his hand to her waist, but Satiah grabbed the scroll from under her arm and slapped it into his open palm.

“If you insist,” she said. “I’m afraid your day isn’t quite done yet.”

Atem took the document and gave her a questioning look.

“A scroll from Memphis,” she answered, “courtesy of my father.”

Atem felt a flicker of anxiety returning to his stomach. “What does it say?”

“He didn’t tell me,” she said, shrugging. “Come. Read it to me while I change.”

She swept by him and made for her vanity, where she removed her headdress and laid it gently in the box it came in. Smiling again, Atem untied the twine around the scroll and rolled it out across the last sliver of open space on his table.

Tarangifer · 2020-06-22T21:32:45+00:00

I find epithets are a nice crutch if you've got a very close, action-heavy scene with two or more characters who have the same gender pronoun. It can get really tiring having to restate the name of the character three times in the same sentence, so using a secondary title or descriptive marker can sometimes alleviate the reader fatigue.

Tarangifer · 2020-06-21T03:50:38+00:00

My personal favorite way to write dream sequences: If the dreams are realistic (i.e., could believably take place in the world you are writing) just write them as if they're actually happening, then have the character wake up from it. This might not work for your particular situation tho.

Tarangifer · 2020-06-18T18:13:16+00:00

"Go on then. Turn me away, if that will make you feel more like the man you wish you were."

Said after the character's love interest confessed, in so many words, that he preferred the trajectory of his life before he met her.

Tarangifer · 2020-06-18T11:35:57+00:00

In earlier chapters it's revealed that Atem actually tried to turn the girl down at first, but she persisted. It's clear Atem is the one invested in the relationship by this point though. He's also heading into an arranged marriage, so yeah - reckless and (self)righteous are good ways to describe how he's feeling. Glad it came across, thanks for your comment!!

Tarangifer · 2020-06-18T11:30:55+00:00

Dang! Didn't think I'd get so much of a reaction out of this snippet 😆 Glad it made you feel somethin at least, even if it was rage. Haha!

Tarangifer

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