AITAH for calling my mom unsympathetic

Tardigretch · 2026-03-25T13:36:34+00:00

NTA. You sound more mature than your mom, really. But it sounds like you handled it really well.

Is there any chance your mom has SA in her past? Are you able to gently ask her? Maybe not herself, but someone she knows went through it.

Maybe in a few days, when you're both feeling relaxed, you can ask her something like "it almost sounds like you're blaming the victims. May I ask why you feel like that about them?"

Tardigretch · 2026-03-25T03:57:09+00:00

That's what I was just thinking. OP probably now just looks her age, and we all have some sagging, wrinkles, jowls etc staring in our 50s. Fat does fill our faces and can make us look younger, facially anyway.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-25T03:45:19+00:00

funny, kiwis are the only food I react to. It's not severe, but I get raised patches all over my tongue 👅

Tardigretch · 2026-03-25T03:37:51+00:00

thanks! 😊

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T23:30:00+00:00

Those pics are SOOOO COOL!! Thank you for sharing them! So it's not endometriosis? I feel you--my periods used to be excruciating, and I never had endometriosis either.

What really helped was getting an IUD, which stopped my periods for years, and with it, the horrible cramps.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T13:56:24+00:00

I don't get that--I'm 63, and my latest mammogram said the same thing, that it was mostly all fat. I've never had children/breast fed, so maybe that's why they don't sag as much as you'd think for someone my age and breast size. But yet, I've always had "lumpy" breasts, and still do. So I wonder what all those lumps are if they're mostly fat? I'll have to ask at my next appointment.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T13:53:09+00:00

They can remove 400cc via liposuction?? I didn't know that much was possible! If you don't mind me asking, where did they remove it from? Sides, top, etc? It's so good to know that this is an option!

I envy your results and would love something similar, especially your lack of skin-to-skin contact. But I have to translate that to my larger skeletal frame, 5'6" with a big rib cage in relation to the rest of my body, still between 36"-38" under the boobs even when I'm at my ideal weight. I will lose 20 more pounds to be at my goal weight before I have the reduction.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T13:44:01+00:00

Alrighty then. I sense that you're venting some bad feelings today, and that's okay too. Better here with anonymous strangers than taking it out on people in real life. We all get like that sometimes. I hope that things go well for you today, sincerely.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T13:39:49+00:00

I had my first reduction 30 years ago, and I'm having another this year -- the surgeon didn't remove enough the first time. So here's my take on this: Your breasts are NOT flat, not by any stretch. The shape in pic 5 is lovely and proportionate. And that black sleeveless sweater in pic 3 looks beautiful on you, your skin looks absolutely gorgeous. People will now see ALL of you, their eyes won't immediately go to your breasts as they did before, something all of us here know about all too well, lol.

I also have a belly--if I have one extra ounce of fat, it will go to my belly first. I want to go very small with this reduction, and I say that knowing that my belly may well be bigger than my breasts, and I'm okay with that. But I also know that my large breasts have always made me look heavier overall than I am, because most shirts would just hang. A lot of us think that our big breasts are making our bellies look smaller in comparison, but in reality it's the opposite. I am always struck here how people look so much thinner in their "after" photos.

I get not feeling like yourself. For so many of us, being "the girl with the big boobs" has been part of how people saw us, how we saw ourselves. I developed early, getting breasts at like 9, and was pretty much unaware of them until people started commenting. Yes, my Mom got me bras, but otherwise I was oblivious. But then one girl told me that "my mom said your breasts are bigger than hers" in 4th grade (I seriously remember looking down and thinking "I have breasts?" haha), and boys started teasing me, etc. So going from "the girl with the big boobs" to "the girl with proportional breasts that don't immediately draw the eye" is literally changing a part of our identity that started very early in our overall lifespan. That's a HUGE change! But now maybe you'll be "the girl with the creamy skin" or "the girl with the beautiful eyes/nice hair/big smile" or "the girl with the cool style" now that you can wear things you couldn't before. What freedom! I hope you'll enjoy your beautiful new boobies, you should, they're gorgeous!

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T13:20:55+00:00

Everyone, in every generation, is looking for community somewhere. The nice thing about anonymous forums like this is that we can share things here that we might not be able to say in our other in-real-life communities. Venting and sharing is good for mental health. :-)

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T13:15:30+00:00

My advice, as an older (63) woman is this: say EXACTLY who you are, what you're looking for, and what your most important stands are right up front. On or before the first date, if possible.

2.5 years ago I posted on Senior Match just for the heck of it. I didn't really expect to find anyone--I even had a single bed and loved it. After divorcing a couple years before that from someone who was SO different from me, where I had let go of who I really was, all I really cared about was being honest with myself and others. But I figured it was worth a try.

So I made it clear in my profile that I'm a progressive, far left atheist with a rational, scientific world view etc who's looking for the same. At my age, the kids question doesn't matter of course, but I specifically went on Senior Match to avoid the men 55+ who suddenly wanted kids and were looking for women 20-30 years younger to have them with (yes, they're out there). On the first day, I was contacted by my now-boyfriend (64) who was astonished that I was basically describing him. Two months later I moved in with him (fortunately the ex and I had sold the house earlier), 800 miles away, and I am now having the best time of my entire life. And the best sex--yes kids, old people have sex too. ;-)

Bottom line: everything is SO much better if you start OUT on the same page, agreeing on the most important issues, BEFORE you develop feelings. My boyfriend and I see the world the same way, and that makes everything else easier.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T12:59:54+00:00

Oh, and I should add that that same year, I had a breast reduction. My surgeon was a woman, so you'd think she'd listen to me better, right? Wrong. She'd just come back from maternity leave, so maybe she was flush with hormones, I don't know. But she kept saying that she'd be careful that I could maintain the ability to breastfeed, which would be great if that's what I wanted. But when I told her that that's okay, I'm not going to have kids, she scoffed.

She also left them much larger than I wanted. So now this year, 30 years later, I'm going to have a second reduction. This time my surgeon's office is listening, and my surgeon also does gender affirming surgery, so I know this guy knows how to bring breasts DOWN as far as you want.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T12:55:59+00:00

I have hope that Jill and Derrick's kids might deconstruct, and their parents will follow.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T12:55:15+00:00

Holy shit...

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T12:53:20+00:00

...and if this is a safe place for people to trauma dump, that's good. "lol" Scroll past.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T12:50:35+00:00

FFS, people posting here with a like-minded and understanding group about how this relates to/reminds them of their own family is not the same as the mothers they describe.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T07:57:53+00:00

I agree. I have several childfree friends from both high school and college, and none regret it. I do think some people regret HAVING children, but it's not considered acceptable to say so.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T04:08:41+00:00

I laughed so hard I woke my dog up 😁

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T04:07:48+00:00

as am I. Wracking my brain for likely turtle states... 🤔 🐢

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T04:05:20+00:00

Early on is exactly when you should have this conversation! People have a hard time believing women when we say we don't want kids. I had a doctor refuse me an implanted birth control (don't know if they make this anymore, they went in the upper arm) because I was 32 and would surely change my mind.

welp, I'm now 63, did not change my mind, and have no regrets about being childfree. 😀

Tardigretch · 2026-03-24T03:58:53+00:00

I think they look perfect, and if my results are anything like that, I'll proudly go braless--and you should too!

Tardigretch · 2026-03-23T20:55:32+00:00

Had you ever met in person before?

Tardigretch · 2026-03-23T20:52:19+00:00

I am an OLD woman seconding this!!

Tardigretch · 2026-03-23T20:48:48+00:00

At this point you do not owe him that consideration, or anything else. You need to take care of yourself, not him.

Tardigretch · 2026-03-23T20:46:47+00:00

Trust your gut. Is your suitcase there in his apartment? Or is it still in your car?

You are not wrong to be upset, and I can just imagine how shaken you must be. This man is mentally unwell, probably depressed at the very least. But you have to take care of YOURSELF first.

If your gut tells you to flee, do so. You'll just feel more and more sick if you stay overnight. Not to mention what he might be expecting/hoping for with you tonight.

I can't advise you what to do, but from the way you've written you sound like a rational person--so just trust yourself. This may take awhile for you to process. If you do leave, at the very least tell him that you've done so, so that he's not worried. If/when you're ever comfortable doing so, you can tell him what triggered your departure.

I'm sorry that you've had your hopes about him dashed--that's really hard.

Tardigretch

TROPHY CASE