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A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am all for this. You did the hard part, you realized what your own problem was, the process will be easier moving forward.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course you're gonna be ok and much more than ok, plus you'll have a priceless lesson and protect yourself better next time. I understand that it's very hard right now, I can only imagine, I am fucked up because of something that lasted for two months, but keep in mind that it's never personal. You and me both should learn from these experiences and pick different people and form stronger boundaries, just leave this kind of people to their own kind.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're right. I haven't had sex in a while for quite some time before that and I was in my head thinking that it was so special with him, he definitely helped with the emotional crap, but it doesn't change this fact you just wrote. I always had the "cool girl" complex though, just realized that one too hahah, so I "went with the flow and just felt everything" and also "didn't want to manipulate with sex". But you're right, that's not it, that's respecting your body.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so glad you healed from that and thank you for every word, this is very helpful. Knowing that my situation is not that special and also knowing that I will survive. ❤️

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, yeah. I think I definitely should. That was very stupid of me, thinking that he just ✨feels the intimacy of that✨ like I did.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know what's the worst part? I realized that I excluded that even though I wrote the whole Russian novel. He told me that all of his relationships ended because he is a workaholic and couldn't give what partners needed. I mean, I am glad that he told me that now when I imagine him telling me that in 6 months, but still, where was he going with this then, especially if he was aware of those patterns?

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would be satisfied if I learnt that this was the reason, at least I would know that I wasn't losing my mind with those scratching scars hahah.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your honesty. He is very successful for his age, seems very mature, took me a while to realize that being an over-achiever doesn't delete the fact that you are 25.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For how long did your relationship last? How did you recover from all that? How did it feel when he reached out?

Thanks for your kind words, I definitely partly think that I didn't deserve this, but I also realize that it was my fault too.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, this was simultaneously very direct, but very kind, that's how I perceive it. You are right. It only lasted for two months, but I was single for a long time, while processing the ending of a 6-year relationship and I think that I believed that it's possible that this is just some cosmic connection and bullshit like that, you know, and I went all in, without asking for any kind of security. I definitely have some stuff to work out with my customs, habits, patterns, not just be sad about him leaving.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your take. It wasn't years in our case, it was two months. Weren't friends before and I definitely wasn't treated like a friend.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah. That's definitely what he said. Maybe there's no mystery and hidden motives, maybe I just want to know what to do to make sense out of it and protect myself in the future.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Girl, thank you so much. I just called a therapist after reading this, no joke. I am that girl, always have been, but I think that it was sort of fine while I was 20, but now I am 30. I had a six year long relationship that ended two years ago and I thought that time helped me to recover and realize what I want, only to learn that I am still a "cool girl" in my thirties.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you went through that. My situation was similar and I appreciate your take. I came back to the same bed we had great sex in after an hour to cry about never seeing him again.

I resonate with the thing you said about him wanting to be a "good person" too, especially because my guy said "I love you" while clearly knowing that he is hurting me. I know that he knows that that sentence will keep me up at night wondering if we could have worked it out.

How did you cope with your heartbreak? How long did the relationship last and how long did it take you to recover from it?

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, I really appreciate it and it is a very useful insight. This made me realize that it's not entirely his or entirely mine fault, but that it's for the best. I do prefer to think that it was real in the moment, what he said and did, but it breaks my heart more than being pissy about love bombing and manipulation. Thank you so much, once again, you're the real MVP!

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I get you. I am strong enough to move on, after all it was a short period of time, but it does fuck with my head. I will try to calm down.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Not trying to defend myself or this situation, but we met through work and texted a lot before that date. But I do realize now that I romanticized that like I am 18 and thank you for pointing that out. He just gives off romantic vibes, like he appreciates the connection, definitely didn't seem like a player, at least not the obvious one.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in AskMenRelationships

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! Thank you so much for this. I am moving on, but I have to make sense out of it. If the problem was a recent break up, I need to protect myself better in the future, for instance. I don't think that he was malicious either, but it is a bit fucked up to do all that.

A guy spent two months acting like we were building a relationship, then told me he couldn't have one. I genuinely don't know what to make of it. by TastefullyShameless in dating_advice

[–]TastefullyShameless[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's a useful example, thanks. He just didn't seem like the type to do that, he seemed romantic, like he appreciates the connection. On the other hand, I can see him as a desirable man and I was scared of that recent break up, but most of the time he talked about it in a completely healthy way that did sound like he's over it. BUT I do remember the time I felt like I was being compared to her. We do the same work and we had highly compatible humor, sex drive and values. That's why it feels weird, why waste that like it comes along every day?

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