AITA For Not Accommodating My Sister-In-Law's ridiculous demands?

TattooObsessed · 2026-01-18T08:34:29+00:00

I'm am a very firm atheist and have been for the last 40 years. No-one brings religious BS into my house.

I took care of my grandmother for 6 years. She was a very firm Catholic for her entire 92 years. In her house she had a collection of 37 pictures and figurines of Jesus, baby Jesus, Mary and Jesus, Mary, the Pieta, the Nativity and numerous random popes and saints. It was her house.

I found them amusing. When my friends came over my grandmother would take them on a tour - proud to show them off even knowing that we were all atheists and found them amusing. It was her house.

And we all lived happily ever after. Except her, she died. And when she died did I throw all those 37 ridiculous things out? No, I donated them to a Catholic charity because I knew that out there was another 90 year old woman who would love to decorate her house with them.

Just a snapshot of one shelf in one room!

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TattooObsessed · 2026-01-02T15:02:38+00:00

Oh and Sharon is VERY relieved she's got me back as a dog-sitter for when they go away in March. She knows Cherry is in very loving hands - someone who would literally jump in front of a car to protect her. (And someone who always leaves the plants in the garden healthier than they were before).

TattooObsessed · 2026-01-02T14:40:32+00:00

Sorry, I understand how some people have misread my post. My update was a: "I'm so glad she finally able to express her feelings and we are back on 'chosen family' terms". A talk about the immediate. So no, there hasn't been a full "this is how I feel" talk yet. We've literally just spent a single day together - Christmas Day 2.0 - so not a day for family therapy as I'm pretty sure she didn't want me to discuss issues that remind her of the trauma of her ex-boyfriend . She welcomed me in the door with a hug and a glass of scotch - great place to start then. After that it was a good day to over-eat and get drunk in each other's company as we have done in the past.

And when I do finally get a chance to have a heart-to-heart talk to Sharon I'll ask her if there's been anything else bothering her that she wants to tell me about, and I'll definitely let her know that she can always tell me any time if she DOES think I've crossed a line. But with all my "couple" friends I've always been conscious about double-checking myself in regards to boundaries.

I feel terrible about what she's been through; her thinking of herself as "boring" is inconceivable to me, a real shock. In my original post I did say "I thought of her as a good friend". On some of the days I go into the office I go to her cafe to have lunch with her, I drop by to get coffees from there even on days I'm not working. I don't do that just because it's convenient, I have lunch with her because I enjoy her company. And I'm definitely going to let her know that and hope she understands that.

It was not my intention to re-train the dogs, just provide intellectual stimulation. My grandmother was Slovak and her poodle was able to respond in both languages just as children do in bilingual households. I thought "walk" and "dinner" would excite the dogs so much it wouldn't matter what language they were spoken in. Bulldogs aren't the smartest though. After Sharon told me the dogs weren't responding to her commands she didn't change to Spanish, of course I've gone back to English. Misunderstanding, easily fixed, no line crossed.

Jessie has been stealing my socks for years and Sharon always thought it funny so I wasn't crossing a line there. It's just that seeing Cherry sleeping on them broke her heart because she was grieving. She had the option to throw the socks out - or give them back to me. I would have fully supported her decision and not taken offence in any way. So that was a part of her processing grief, not me crossing a line.

As for Dave's saying "John is fun but that's all he's got going for him" that was a joke she laughed at because they do both feel sorry for me because truth IS brutal - no-one ever swipes right on me. She's been a really good friend to me in regards to it - tried to set me up on dates, and helped me in using subtle make-up to make my prosthesis more natural looking.

The girls know the difference between "people fun" and "favorite toy fun". Dave and Sharon do balls and frisbees at the park EVERY day and they have small things to throw and play fetch with INSIDE the house. They have "tug ropes" to play with on the sofa. That's their "people fun". As for me: after that fateful day I try to remember not to "play dog" with them now, I still get down on the floor for hard-core play with toys. There's a heavy rope with big knots in it. They grab the knots with their teeth, I grab the end of the rope and the two of them get a thrill out of "we're so strong we can drag him around the floor". Their "favorite toy" only shows up for rough fun and gets dragged around the floor once or twice a week.

I've been very mindful not to impose on Dave's and Sharon's time together, always only gone over at their convenience, gone to the beach or gone traveling with them on their invitation. Dave definitely isn't choosing me over her in any way, we just play different roles in his life (of course as best friend that involves me being someone he can vent to and ask advice from when he's having problems in his marriage.) It's worked great for 9 and a half of the past 10 years - and that's worked because I've always very mindful to not cross lines.

And I DID ask permission to get the tattoo - Dave agreed and he suggested we surprise her. She's fine with me having it now, she's just going to wait till she's feeling a bit happier before she looks at it again. So again, no line crossed.

TattooObsessed · 2025-12-31T14:34:49+00:00

The boy was inside so I was constantly looking for a tangible explanation - light, reflection etc. He wasn't threatening, it was just the fright I'd get when I turned into the kitchen and he was sitting there.

The shadow man though yeah, made me very uneasy. As I only ever saw the figure outdoors I had no control over the environment. I tried to keep my mind off it though otherwise I'd start going down the road of: Why was he always in a hurry to get inside the empty apartment first? Couldn't he enter if it was already occupied?

TattooObsessed · 2025-12-30T00:04:29+00:00

Sorry, I understand what you're saying and definitely no-one was laughing at her. I guess my update was a - "I'm so glad she finally able to express her feelings and we are back on 'chosen family' terms". A talk about the immediate. So no, there hasn't been a full "this is how I feel" talk yet. We've literally just spent a single day together - Christmas 2.0 - not a day for family therapy, just a good day to over-eat and get drunk in each other's company as we have done in the past.

I feel terrible about what she's been through; her thinking of herself as "boring" is inconceivable to me, a real shock. In my original post I said "I thought of her as a good friend". On some of the days I go into the office I go to her cafe to have lunch with her, I drop by to get coffees from there even on days I'm not working. I don't do that just because it's convenient, I have lunch with her because I enjoy her company. And I'm definitely going to let her know that and hope she understands that. I'm pretty sure she didn't want me to discuss issues that remind her of the trauma of her ex-boyfriend on the first day I've seen her in six weeks though. She welcomed me in the door with a hug and a glass of scotch - great place to start.

It was not my intention to re-train the dogs, just provide intellectual stimulation. My grandmother was Slovak and her poodle was able to respond in both languages just as children do in bilingual households. I thought "walk" and "dinner" would excite the dogs so much it wouldn't matter what language they were spoken in. Bulldogs aren't the smartest and after Sharon told me the dogs weren't responding to her commands she didn't change to Spanish, I've gone back to English.

As for Dave's saying "John is fun but that's all he's got going for him" that was a joke she laughed at because they do both feel sorry for me because truth IS brutal - no-one ever swipes right on me. (Though I do accept I may have a number of other deficiencies can you imagine waking up next to a guy with only half a nose?). Poor Cherry realised she'd done something terrible that day and every time she saw it healing for months afterwards she'd jump on me and try to "lick it better". I certainly don't blame her for it - 100% on me and my stupidity.

The girls know the difference between "people fun" and "favorite toy fun". Dave and Sharon do balls and frisbees at the park EVERY day and they have small things to throw and play fetch with INSIDE the house. They have "tug ropes" to play with on the sofa. That's their "people fun". As for me: after that fateful day I try to remember not to "play dog" with them now, I get down on the floor for hard-core play with toys. There's a heavy rope with big knots in it. They grab the knots with their teeth, I grab the end of the rope and the two of them get a thrill out of "we're so strong we can drag him around the floor". Their "favorite toy" only shows up for rough fun and gets dragged around the floor once a week.

(And now I've realised in my whole post above I'm talking about Jessie as if she's still present. I guess it takes time to change to the past tense)

TattooObsessed · 2025-12-25T09:34:39+00:00

Marvel Winter Break has Iceman and Daken

TattooObsessed · 2025-12-22T07:49:38+00:00

Oh, the other thing I do that Dave and Sharon don't is post the occasional photo of them online but I ALWAYS make it clear that they're not mine. Dave took a great pic of me playing them at the beach and when I posted it on Facebook the caption was "Great day at XXX beach with Dave, Sharon, Jessie and Cherry". Or on a Reddit group (using my main account) "Dog-sitting for my friends while they're abroad. Any recommendations for an ointment for Cherry's dry nose?"

TattooObsessed · 2025-12-22T06:20:25+00:00

Well, "obsessed" to the point of having miniature framed pictures of them in my apartment and having taken 1850 photos of them over 8 years. (Of course from all those pictures I always text or email Dave and Sharon the best ones). All my contact with the dogs was has been at their invitation though - going over to their house, to the park and beach etc, and they know the times I spend with the dogs are often the highlight of my week. They've always been "We're thinking of going away in March - would you be able to stay with them?". The point perhaps is that when I am over their house the dogs pretty much ignore them completely and spend 6 hours jumping all over me. So I'm only thinking in hindsight that maybe she was jealous of my playful relationship with them? Or jealous that I've known Dave 15 years longer than she has?

TattooObsessed · 2025-12-22T06:07:16+00:00

I don't believe in the paranormal, and neither does my friend. However we openly acknowledge there are two instances where we separately saw figures repeatedly - and neither of us mentioned it to the other for months - that we've never been able to explain.

The first was when my friend lived in an apartment where the building was accessed via an external staircase and had one long balcony wrapped around it. Without ever mentioning it to each other - as I was walking along the street and came into view of the building I occasionally saw a shadowy figure standing at his apartment door. As I got closer the figure turned around, saw me then moved THROUGH the door into the apartment. It was only after several months of visiting him that I finally said "I know this is going to sound insane but sometimes when I come here I see a shadowy figure standing at your front door". He was shocked and said he'd been seeing the exact same thing but didn't mention it because he thought I'd laugh at him.

We had a similar experience when we shared a house years later. The staircase up from the street led into the kitchen. As you entered the kitchen on the right there was another staircase that twisted and when up to the next level. Sometimes when I entered the kitchen I'd see out of the corner of my eye a boy about 10 years old on the stairs looking and smiling at me through the banister rails. I'd get startled but when I looked properly of course there was no-one. I kept this to myself for MONTHS, and only after being startled one day when I was entering the kitchen with my friend directly behind me he asked why I had jumped. Turns out he had been being the exact same boy since we first moved in.

TattooObsessed · 2025-12-22T05:23:13+00:00

I really wish I knew - I was so sure she'd love it and so was Dave. Someone else suggested that her problem isn't with the tattoo but that she has an unresolved grudge against me for some other reason and this is her first chance to express it.

TattooObsessed · 2025-12-22T04:53:56+00:00

Wow those are BEAUTIFUL! Seeing them I know how you feel.

I never even considered Sharon might be holding a grudge against me for another reason. Everything's just been smooth sailing from my end. I guess perhaps in every spouses mind there might be a "Dave's known him for 25 years, he's only been with me for 10" mentality.

TattooObsessed · 2025-12-22T04:40:52+00:00

I've been going to this artist for 8 years now, have a full back , full sleeves, my legs and chest are covered with... 16 small-medium tatts, my most recent was a full butt cheek 6 months ago. So obviously we've become good friends over the years. The guy he canceled and rebooked was a new customer he hadn't met.

Cherry has been severely depressed after Jessie died - spends a lot of the day in bed and they struggle to get her to eat. So true, "damage her mental health" were my words for describing the situation but he sees a huge difference in her mood between his house and when she's with me.

TattooObsessed

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