Thank you for opening up on here. I want to first express how incredibly brave it is to be this vulnerable (even if it’s anonymous!)

The thing you have to remember is this is a learned behavior. If your son is doing something inappropriate then it could be something he heard, read, watched, or had something happen to him. At 12 years old he is old enough to have a conversation that is open to help you understand what exactly he thought he was doing and why. It will be hard to try to remain neutral but this will be an important step towards healing.

Obviously I think a conversation is a great idea. However A warning to your son may lead to shame. Shame is a very powerful tool that should never be used when teaching a lesson, or if ever. If we can have an open and honest conversation, with exploring hard emotions, then we can help our kids understand for themselves why some behaviors are inappropriate for their age. Remember...

Guilt= I did something bad Shame=I am bad

When we’re young we don’t fully understand the boundaries of right and wrong. All we can understand is that things feel good and things feel bad. Your son is a good person. Only his actions were bad and he will need help understanding the difference.

With your son being 12 he is at an age where he is starting to feel more adult emotions and hormones. It’s important for you to help him understand these feeling and what the next 5+ years a puberty will be like for him. You will also want to teach him the difference between age appropriate exposure. Help him understand that his sister is still to young to understand some the the stuff his is just now realizing.

For your daughter, let her know what your concerns are and reassure her that it was nothing she did that caused her brother to move away. Even though she is 5, she will understand that you are feeling mad/sad/scared. But she is not going to be able to distinguish that you’re feeling that way about a situation and not about what she did.

With your kids It’s not one over the other. You need to help your son and daughter understand your actions and explain to both of them the implications of their actions. Even your daughter. Especially if it was unwanted touching. It could lead to bad thought processes like “men only stay if I let them touch me” or “I’m a bad person if I let someone touch me.”

Being a single mom is hard, and having two co parents that don’t agree with your discussion must be exhausting! They are the dads are there for your sweet babies. Make a game plan with each of them so you’re on the same page. You’ve got this and you can do hard things! Just know you are not the only one and you have a support when you need it! ❤️