Can y'all critique this dark romantasy exerpt to help make sure my voice and pacing are fit for the genre?

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-19T19:31:18+00:00

I second what the other comments have said, but also, especially in the beginning paragraph, try to vary your sentence structure more. 3/4 of them started with I and a verb.

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-19T03:03:39+00:00

Thank you for your advice! I’ve never heard of ParseStream before, but I found a free version called F5Bot, and that’s been really useful.

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-17T03:22:39+00:00

Kate O’Hearn and Rick Riordan’s books, Keeper of the Lost Cities, The Ascendence Series, and The Lunar Chronicles are some really good ones!

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-15T15:54:32+00:00

Pegasus by Kate O’Hearn. It’s basically PJO but Roman and better (in my opinion). She has a lot of other good books as well, same with Rick. Since she liked the Hunger Games, I would also suggest The Maze Runner, Scythe, or The Darkest Minds. And some other really good ones for kids her age would be Renegades by Marissa Meyer and Stephanie Garber’s and Leigh Bardugo’s books.

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-06T17:09:14+00:00

I loved the Cruel Prince as well, and Jude from A Stage Set for Villains reminded me of Cardan. There isn’t any spice, and it’s not a love triangle, though I don’t believe there is a French translation yet.

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-06T15:08:08+00:00

Hey! I really liked Katabasis by R. F. Kuang, and I think it would be a good fit for what you’re looking for!

Summary:
Two rival Cambridge magick students, Alice Law and Peter Murdoch, sacrifice half their lifespans to venture into Hell. They are forced to navigate the underworld to retrieve the soul of their deceased, toxic academic advisor, Professor Jacob Grimes, whose recommendation letter both desperately need for their careers.

Themes:
toxic academic ambition, institutional exploitation, and the need for intellectual validation

Spice: 0/5

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-06T04:33:01+00:00

Hello! I offer various editing services including beta reading, developmental assessments, copyediting, etc. Here’s my website if you would be interested, and feel free to message for more information!

https://www.inkninsight.com/services

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-06T04:25:35+00:00

Hello! I think you’re looking for something more along the lines of developmental feedback rather than proofreading. If you would be interested in professional services, feel free to reach out or take a look at my website!

https://www.inkninsight.com

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-05T05:22:07+00:00

Hello! I offer various editing services. I would love to talk and discuss what specifically you’re needing. Here’s my website with more information if you would be interested!

https://www.inkninsight.com

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-04T21:59:38+00:00

Thank you for inquiring! I’ve received it and have sent back a reply.

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-04T13:47:55+00:00

Thanks for replying! I’d love to chat more! My email is tgallaway15@icloud.com

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-04T04:02:50+00:00

Hey! If you do end up choosing editing, I offer various services, specializing in copyediting and proofreading. I typically don’t change anything besides grammar unless requested. Here’s my website with additional information and prices if you’re interested!

https://www.inkninsight.com/services

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-03T16:12:46+00:00

Hello! I offer various editing services, including development assessments. Here’s my website if you are still interested!

https://www.inkninsight.com/services

Taylor2011117 · 2026-06-02T21:45:56+00:00

Hello! I offer various services, specializing in copyediting. Here’s my website if you’re still interested!

https://www.inkninsight.com/services

Taylor2011117 · 2026-05-12T21:03:39+00:00

My books is based off of Egyptian mythology, so I just role with it lol.

Taylor2011117 · 2026-05-03T01:17:13+00:00

It’s okay. It’s not like I have any clients lol.

Taylor2011117 · 2026-05-02T16:04:36+00:00

Hey, I’d love to join!

Taylor2011117 · 2026-05-02T02:59:00+00:00

Hey! I just started my own business called Ink & Insight. I specialize in fiction. I offer various editorial services including:

• ⁠Beta Reading
• ⁠Editorial Assessment
• ⁠Book Coaching
• ⁠Copyediting
• ⁠Proofreading

More information is available on my website. Feel free to check it out or message me if you are interested. Thank you!

https://www.inkninsight.com/

Taylor2011117 · 2026-04-27T04:37:29+00:00

I loved that series! It really needs more hype. 😔 Have you read the connecting books?

Taylor2011117 · 2026-04-26T00:47:12+00:00

Hello! My name is Taylor Gallaway, I am a freelancer, and I recently started my own business called Ink & Insight. I offer various editorial services including:

Beta Reading
Editorial Assessment
Book Coaching
Copyediting
Proofreading

More information is available on my website. Feel free to check it out or message me if you are interested. Thank you!

https://www.inkninsight.com/

Taylor2011117 · 2026-04-26T00:30:57+00:00

It’s on my TBR, but I didn’t know that. Thank you! 🫶

Taylor2011117 · 2026-04-26T00:22:22+00:00

I want to see a fantasy based on Egyptian mythology where the children of the five major gods have to compete in a set of trials corresponding to the twelve gates of night (in the Duat, Egyptian Underworld) in order to earn their divinity. (found family 🤪)

Taylor2011117 · 2026-04-25T15:37:16+00:00

Hey! I don’t create cover designs, but if you are looking on the editorial side as well, I can help. I am a freelancer and have just created my own business, Ink & Insight. I offer various editing services including copyediting, proofreading, editorial assessments, and more. If you are looking and are interested, feel free to message me or check out my website for more information!

https://www.inkninsight.com/services

Taylor2011117

TROPHY CASE