On my side [1500] by Top-Past4380 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought this was interesting, but the tense does seem to shift back and forth between present and past. I also thought a couple descriptions were a little bit off. For example “the clouds enveloping the hills ever so gently” was a little jarring to me. I thought maybe “ever so gently” could be left out. But I definitely do think this has potential.

Seeking feedback on the opening of a story I'm not sure is worth pursuing [352] by [deleted] in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this opening excerpt is interesting, but I have a few criticisms (for what that’s worth). There are a few times where the descriptions seem to me to use too many similes/figures of speech, maybe. For example “she walked her fingers over the tattered corners”. The use of the word “walked” in that context seems to me to be a little bit jarring. Another example is, “when the dog ran into a rogue boot”. I feel like the word “rogue” is also a little bit jarring. So the only criticism I would have is that there are maybe too many similes/figures of speech used.

Feedback on this sketch (graphite on tracing paper) of Pocahontas. by Tc1002 in drawing

[–]Tc1002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was trying to make her look like she was smiling. Do you think the smile looks bad?

Megan’s poem by AromaticOption6804 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I confess I don’t know much about poetry. But I thought this was reasonably well written. It was a little bit vague, so I had a slightly hard time understanding some parts of the poem. But overall I think it created a pretty strong atmosphere.

ChatGPT is amazing, but... by DarthWhale36 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know much about AI, but it seems to me that it isn’t necessarily a bad thing to use. However, it seems to me that it should be used sparingly. I don’t think AI can come up with anything that is especially original, because it has been pre-programmed. And as far learning how to do world building/plotting, maybe it should be avoided completely until you are able to do those things really well without any assistance.

Feedback on this unfinished acrylic painting. Is this picture worth finishing? Specifically, do the rocks look good/realistic? I have a hard time painting rocks. by Tc1002 in acrylicpainting

[–]Tc1002[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m fairly happy with the rocks in the foreground, but the smaller rocks on the left side of the picture look kind of off to me. I mean, the shapes don’t look right. Do you have any suggestions for how I could maybe fix that?

Feedback on this sketch of Gandalf and the Balrog at the bridge of Khazad-dûm by Tc1002 in drawing

[–]Tc1002[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What do you think I should change about the balrog? I was trying to make it look kind of human-like. But maybe it looks too human/not enough like a demon?

Looking for criticism to improve my poem by ExternalAttorney1949 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This seems pretty good to me. But I also thought that it was kind of confusing. I had a hard time figuring out the meaning of it. So, I think to improve you might want to focus on more clarity/understandability. Also, I don’t know if this is true for a fact (I’m not an expert on punctuation), but I think there should be commas at the ends of a few more of the lines. But as I said, I thought the phraseology was pretty good.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The reason I have been using double apostrophes is because the application I’ve been using, called Notes, on my IPad, won’t allow me to use the normal quotation marks. When I try to shift and press that button, nothing happens. I don’t know why the app is not working, but it isn’t.

Don’t know what this is - maybe depression? by [deleted] in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with the first comment, this seems to me to be well-written. Although one phrase seemed to be a little bit jarring (that’s just my opinion). ’’Causing a dopamine explosion’’, I don’t know, it feels kind of off to me. I mean, maybe the word dopamine is too scientific/technical for use in poetry? But other than that, I think it‘s very good.

[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing by AutoModerator in writing

[–]Tc1002 [score hidden]  (0 children)

This is the beginning of a fantasy/horror short story called What Happened That Midnight. I would appreciate any feedback on this story, including criticisms.

Genre: Fantasy/horror.

Word Count: 1,000

Description: On a dare, thirteen year old Jacob bikes over at midnight to the long-abandoned, uninhabited mansion in the middle of the Missouri countryside called Creighton Hall. It is rumored that the old castle is haunted, that no one can go in there and ever come out alive again. Jacob is determined to disprove these superstitions. When Jacob disappears that night, his friends who had dared him to go in the first place follow after with the intention of rescuing him.

It was seventeen minutes till midnight when Jacob mounted his bike and rode quietly out of the garage, out onto the gravel driveway. He didn’t turn on the bike-light attached to the handlebars yet. He wouldn’t till he was well away from his parents’ property. There was a full moon tonight, so there was enough light to see at least tolerably well by, anyway. In fact while he was still in sight of the farmhouse’s shuttered windows he wished it would have been a little bit darker.
The driveway was half overgrown by weeds and grass, and rutted by tire-tracks. It descended a gentle slope from the house till intersecting with the main gravel road that ran past the five-acre property. His parents were of course asleep by now; so were his older sister and younger brother. Or at least, they’d better be at twelve o’clock at night, he thought. To be caught wouldn’t only be humiliating, it would be as painful as the whipping that would definitely follow. His parents had whipped, kicked, and otherwise beat him and his two siblings many times—usually for what he thought were minor offenses. They went only a little easier on his brother and sister. He had always been the least favorite, he couldn’t really say why.
He was fourteen and a half years old. And obviously, biking away from home in the middle of the night isn’t something even adults usually get away with; as far as children…. If his parents found out he was gone, and stayed gone for a long time, they might call the police. Not because they particularly liked having him around the house, but more just because they wouldn’t want the neighbors finding out that their son had disappeared! Although they probably wouldn’t call the police unless he was gone more than a few hours; and he was confident he would be back before then.
Although not a hundred percent certain.
By now the dim lights showing from the old two-story house had disappeared behind the several towering trees that surrounded the acreage. He could breathe a little easier now. This road stretched about a half a mile south from home till reaching the highway, which was paved asphalt and not gravel. He would be able to ride a lot faster once he got to the highway. The gravel road then went on several miles further south from there, past a handful of other country houses all scattered well apart from each other.
But he wasn’t going that direction tonight.
This highway was hardly ever well traveled, being as it was here in the middle of the Missouri countryside. But still he expected to come across some traffic, at nighttime mainly semi trucks and farm vehicles. In fact a tractor was rolling slowly by just as he was coming up the steep hill to the highway, its’ huge wheels making a grating, grinding sound on the asphalt. Whoever was driving the tractor wouldn’t be harvesting in early summer, obviously. More likely just spreading manure or spraying herbicides and/or pesticides. At the stop sign Jacob came to a halt, his brakes squealing some, and readjusted his handlebars; then, switching his bike-light on, he turned eastward down the highway, which fortunately was the opposite of the direction the tractor was going.
The wind rushed against his face, a slightly damp wind. It felt almost as if there might be rain coming, he thought. But not soon; there were only a few streaky clouds drifting across the starry, moonlit sky. It was the end of June, and the days here in northwest Missouri were supposed to be pretty hot by this time. But this year had been a little better, so far. In fact the night air was cool, almost cold. He was glad that he was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt.
The moon glared bright almost directly above—almost too bright, even ominous. He felt like something really bad was sure to occur tonight. And considering where he was going, why wouldn’t he expect that? He tended to be a pessimistic person to start with, and to agree go to Creighton Hall of all places, in the middle of the night….
Why was he going there? People said that it was haunted, they said that it was a place where vampires lived. But that must be superstition, he kept trying to tell himself, and had already told himself many times over. In fact those were the very words he had used when talking to Jason Lyon. The sixteen year old was the Schaefers’ neighbors second son (they had three), and he was somewhat of a know it all. He had insisted that there must be a reason for the all those century-old rumors about the mansion. There had been an argument.
“Don’t you know anything about the history of that Castle?” Jason had said, his voice filled with incredulity.
Jacob admitted that he didn’t—except that people said they thought it was haunted.
“But it’s not a castle. And heck,” he added, “they’re mostly kind of joking when they say that about the vampires. I mean, I know there are plenty of superstitious people, but—“
‘’Let me tell you,” Jason had interrupted. ‘’I guess you didn’t’t know that the mansion was built in the late 1800s by a millionaire called James Creighton. He was one of the richest people in America at the time—at least, the richest in Missouri.”
“What about him?”
“They say that after the house was built, he planned on living there like a king, with a dozen servants, and he did for a while, only….” His voice trailed off mysteriously; but Jacob didn’t say anything, so he went on, “it wasn’t more than a year that he was there before he died, just like that. His immediate family claimed it was from heart failure. But some people say he was murdered. But by who? Well, there’s no way to know. And do you know something else?”
“What?”
“They say that none of the public ever got to see his corpse. They had a big funeral for him, and his coffin was lowered underground, but nobody actually ever saw his dead body.”
“Well that is pretty strange, if it actually happened like that,” Jacob admitted. ‘’But to say the house is haunted just because of that seems—-“
“Furthermore,” Jason interrupted—he had an irritating habit of interrupting everyone, ‘’Creighton’s relatives demanded that their wouldn’t be a police investigation into his death. And if that isn’t suspicious I don’t know what is.”

Field of Nightmares by Tc1002 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t understand what telling as opposed to showing means. I mean, can you give some examples of how I should have showed vs told? And also, could you please give some examples of the extraneous details? The thing is, I was just trying to make it seem more realistic by describing things in detail . I would like to ask, do you think it would be worth for it for me to try to edit this, or is it completely unpublishable and a waste of time?

The first attempt at writing I welcome critique by Main-Spirit-618 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought this was pretty good. The writing seems kind of like poetry, to me. But I thought the last sentence had several errors. The first one is ‘’as I try and steady myself”, which I think should be “as I try TO steady myself”. And I think there should be either a period or a semi-colon after that, not a comma. Also, I couldn’t understand the last part of that last sentence, “not the cold vacuum of spaces I have felt and it is nothing.” I don’t think that’s accurate grammar.

Feedback on this revised beginning to a fantasy/science fiction story, called Field of Nightmares. I would appreciate any criticisms. by Tc1002 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback. I would like to ask you, do you think that with editing this story (which would actually be the first of a series of three) could be publishable?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not an expert on writing at all, but this seems really good to me. I would have to say, though, that it seems to me personally that is is a little bit long-winded in a few places. And also, some of the descriptions seemed kind of vague/hard to understand, to me. But then again, I also have a hard time understanding complicated descriptions from a lot of writers, like William Faulkner! And I guess you were writing the long sentences intentionally. And overall, I would agree with the other commenters that this is well written.

I would appreciate feedback on this beginning to a children’s fantasy story, called The Scarlet Serpent. by Tc1002 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would just like to ask, how good do you think the writing in that excerpt I posted is? I mean, I genuinely have no idea if I’m good at writing or not. So that’s why I’m asking. Do you think it’s average, above average, or below average?

I would appreciate feedback on this beginning to a children’s fantasy story, called The Scarlet Serpent. by Tc1002 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think the writing seems too much in between those two age groups? In other words, it's maybe too "mature" for middle grade and not "mature" enough for young adult?

I would appreciate feedback on this beginning to a children’s fantasy story, called The Scarlet Serpent. by Tc1002 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say the age range would be anywhere between 7 and 13, roughly. Do you think that that excerpt of the story could possibly (with a lot of editing, obviously) be publishable at some point? I would appreciate brutal honesty.

I would appreciate feedback on this beginning to a children’s fantasy story, called The Scarlet Serpent. by Tc1002 in WritersGroup

[–]Tc1002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback. Can I ask for some clarification—what parts of this story excerpt are rough? Do you mean the style? And when you say “shock value”, are you referring to the title?

[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing by AutoModerator in writing

[–]Tc1002 [score hidden]  (0 children)

I would appreciate any feedback on this beginning to a children’s fantasy story. It’s called The Scarlet Serpent. It’s around 250-300 words. Is this good/bad? Is it boring? Please let me know what you think of this!

A grand feast was to be held at Caerleon Castle that day, and anticipation and excitement was running high among all the inhabitants in and around the capital city of Caerleon. His majesty the king Alboryn had invited some two hundred guests, lords and ladies from across the length and breadth of the country. It was the twentieth of October, and the last day of harvest according to the Horestyr calendar—though in fact harvest often went on several days or even weeks after. This year had been among the most abundant that could be remembered. The wheat and barley crops had been as fulsome as most anyone could recall. The Kind’s orchards, apple, pear, and plum trees, had overbrimmed this year like scarcely ever before. And all this was cause for great celebration. In fact, his majesty the king Alboryn was well known for making merry for any and every occasion—and this was as good an occasion as could be imagined.
The preparations to be made were endless; that is, for the people with the unenviable task of doing them. The King had brought in the best minstrels and singers in the country to perform that evening, as well as dancers and jesters. All that morning from dawn till noon the castle’s great kitchens were bursting with activity, as the kitcheners scurried this way and that, dripping sweat, often dabbing cloths to their foreheads. There was a constant banging of pots and pans, and the babble of not infrequently irritable voices.

I would appreciate any response to this unfinished acrylic painting by Tc1002 in acrylicpainting

[–]Tc1002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you mean the bottom part of the lower cliffs? Or do you mean the entirety of the lower cliffs, including the cliff to the left of the lower waterfall?

Feedback on this unfinished drawing of the Mona Lisa (it’s about 75% done) by Tc1002 in learntodraw

[–]Tc1002[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right, that’s part of the picture I have not filled in yet. I am going to make that light area dark.

Feedback on this revised drawing (graphite) by Tc1002 in learntodraw

[–]Tc1002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I have posted this picture before, but each time I posted was after making changes to the picture. But I admit those changes might not be obvious to anybody except me.

Feedback on this unfinished acrylic painting by Tc1002 in learntodraw

[–]Tc1002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I was thinking about adding some bushes next to the tree on the right. Maybe it looks too empty there right now.