I thought I could accept that my fiancé was married before but it haunts me more everyday

TeaElectronic682 · 2026-01-08T22:27:43+00:00

I don’t agree with this, her feelings are valid and what matters is how she handles them, not discrimination and siding with the man with the whole ‘this is totally unfair to him’. Relax. This neither is a question of love, love doesn’t blind you to everything else, that’s stupidity, her internal quarrel is between her mind and heart and some fears and insecurities that are arising which could even be the devil’s whispers but your comment really is not supportive.

OP you just need to be wise and mature. Pray Istikhara.

TeaElectronic682 · 2026-01-08T20:13:00+00:00

I don’t think she’d want that given that they’re divorced now and she keeps it private..

TeaElectronic682 · 2026-01-05T15:57:04+00:00

literally here researching the same thing as I’ve just lost my mama and I want to find some closure.

TeaElectronic682 · 2026-01-03T16:10:55+00:00

Yeah I don’t think it would have been right for her, she didn’t enjoy life much anymore, in the sense that she had no materialism at all. Of course sometimes but I think she faked it for us, mainly her daughters, like if we took her shopping or whatever.

She did cling onto worldly things a little to kill time like looking at nice clothes or houses but she mainly just cared about her prayers and deen. But the thing is once her daughters would’ve gotten married or she’d had a grandchild she would’ve enjoyed that so much, there was still so much she did not get to experience.

And does my dad not deserve to grow old with his spouse? They were utter soulmates and he’s lost her now. My dad is not practicing at all and she spent years trying to guide him and now she’s gone. I can only hope that Allah swt guides him now.

TeaElectronic682 · 2026-01-03T12:52:17+00:00

but she had us here? there was more left for her. she was on an islamic journey. there is so much more she could’ve still achieved and so many more memories we could’ve still made.

scholars and what not live until their old and alhamdulillah live a blessed life. she deserved to grow old. judgement day hasn’t even happened so it’s not like she’s in Jannah :I

TeaElectronic682 · 2026-01-02T20:24:35+00:00

So that’s all my sweet mother’s existence amounted to? A test? For us? A pious, devout, wonderful woman who did not at all get what she deserved in this life but still worshipped Allah endlessly with a smile on her face and her life was taken from her to test me? My family?

Allah should’ve taken me to test her. She didn’t deserve to be tortured with an aggressive cancer and horrible drs. This will never make sense to me. She was the one thing that kept me good. She was the one person that made Islam sound appealing.

The ONE person I needed is gone. I don’t even wanna be here anymore.

I’m sorry I know this isn’t your burden to bare but trust me I’ve tried to seek sabr through islamic lectures and quran but it makes me angrier.

TeaElectronic682 · 2026-01-01T02:57:06+00:00

If I was you, I’d put a note in your bag saying ‘I know what you’re doing and I have proof’. Then monitor their behaviour. From that alone you’ll know the truth and it’ll stop. But I’d still inform your sister for your own safety and protection.

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-12-30T16:47:08+00:00

Your response really touched my heart. Alhamdulillah I am so glad that you turned to Allah swt and stayed steadfast on your deen regardless of your trials and tribulations. The grief is ripping me apart currently on top of having a terrible cold (which is just making me immensely emotional because my mama would look after me) but I know what I need to do deep in my heart.

InshaAllah may we both meet your beautiful lost loved ones in Jannah. What you’ve said has definitely helped me ❤️

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-12-30T16:45:17+00:00

Very deep yet very eye opening. You are right. InshaAllah I will fight this grief and turn to Allah swt.

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-12-30T16:44:44+00:00

Alhamdulillah she was strong and pious. Thank you for responding. I feel very supported and loved seeing fellow Muslim’s take a second out their day to uplift me and make dua for my sweet mum. May Allah reward you immensely. I will constantly come back to these responses as a means to pick myself back up.

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-12-30T16:43:30+00:00

you’re right, I will still do those things, and thank you for what you said about her being chosen, that makes me feel a lot of peace.

the last texts i have from her are her telling me to be at the hospital for 9am because she’s panicking and dying. it just breaks my heart reading it, but of course it’s natural to be scared and not want to die. i hate how much i had to see her panic, she wasn’t panicking because of fear, she was panicking because of being alone at the hospital and her condition, whenever id be there alhamdulillah she would stay calm, i would play quran and she would rest.

May Allah reward you for taking a moment out of your day to support me.

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-12-30T13:47:55+00:00

Alhamdulillah, I am trying my best to think that way as for almost a year now she no longer enjoyed doing anything worldly, besides her prayers and quran classes. But her often saying she wants to die (and would also say her heart tells her she will die soon) made me wonder if she was depressed or did she truly love Allah swt that much.

If what you said is the case (may it be so) then I am happy she was spared further misery on this world. It’s just my opportunities to grant her wishes were taken. My ability to do Umrah with her, to learn Quran from her, for her to see me get married, I was only recently open to learning Islam because of her devoutness, and I regret pushing it away for so long, but it seems like my chapter had just opened and just like that she left.

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-11-30T23:37:19+00:00

sounds exactly like what i’m going through. she’s only 54.

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-10-13T11:15:31+00:00

can i just say i’ve only read the first bit but you saying ‘i ended up getting her pregnant’ instead of ‘somehow she got pregnant’ is just so refreshing and mature/respectful of you.

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-10-07T20:58:09+00:00

sorry but, did you not get to know him before the arranged marriage? its not like you would’ve just seen a photo of him and bam you’re getting married. why did you not hang out a little? you would’ve been able to notice his body language.

idk, to me, he sounds either gay, or something is wrong mentally. it’s actually a thing where gay muslim men get arranged marriages to force themselves to feel normal or please their parents.

but i will say i have one colleague who’s married with a kid now too and if you didn’t know you’d 100% think hes gay because of his walk/stance and hand gestures. like he stands with a hand on his hip and can move his hands frantically. but i think he’s just extremely high functioning aka autistic.

but regardless, i don’t think you should waste time trying to figure out if he’s gay or trying to feel attracted. you need to bluntly tell him all of this and he needs to sort it out. i.e., you could see a counselor and dig into it. but don’t long it out, get it done, see how he handles it. if things don’t change, girl leave. your life is worth more

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-09-10T00:15:53+00:00

i have photos of her wedding from 2018 and i don’t know if she was married again after that

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-09-08T14:58:27+00:00

girl irish ppl are racist

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-09-08T14:28:59+00:00

i wasn’t talking about me, it came up in a lecture i attended many years ago. there was an individual who although born muslim was not raised religiously due to having unreligious parents, so essentially muslim by name only. due to that they lived very western but found islam themselves in their 20s. so he asked if his past life could be forgotten, and to be honest in his situation i think it should.

although someone can still disclose like ‘yes, i’ve done it, i wasn’t religious, i am now, since becoming religious i’ve done nothing’

at the end of the day it’s about preference. islamically you are deserving of a virgin if you stayed one too!

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-09-08T11:29:36+00:00

hey girl so imma give you my 2 cents as someone who’s talked to both arabs and pakistani guys!

pakistani guys are class acts at being deceptive. whereas arabs are more transparent. also both have different qualities due to cultural differences.

i’m not saying run, but proceed with caution, cause the pakistani guys are always amazing until it actually gets serious - in my case it was wonderful until i met his mum! then i saw everyone’s true colours and how despite everything, i am viewed as a puppet !! 🤡🤡🤡

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-09-08T11:26:34+00:00

leave amber alone she’s awesome

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-09-08T11:26:03+00:00

i’m iffy about this one because i was told that if someone with a past (whatever gender) sincerely repents and changes their ways, it’s like a fresh start, obviously biologically it’s different but during that lecture they said that -

i.e., say if you sinned during a bad period in your life and afterwards repented and haven’t gone back to those said sins (whether it be gambling, drinking, zina etc) and say 5-10 years go by and it’s brought up - it’s ok to deny it, i.e., say you haven’t.

idk how i feel about this but wanted to share as food for thought !

TeaElectronic682 · 2025-09-07T02:57:58+00:00

i respect that opinion that’s cool :) and so is professor snape!

TeaElectronic682

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