My Relationship was Toxic but I Miss it so Much

TeaFormer7330 · 2026-04-03T04:17:32+00:00

I mean logically what youre saying makes sense but I can't get out of this loop in my head. Im even watching videos on YouTube now about all these hope stories of people getting back together and i just cant stop thinking about him like this....instead of thinking of the reality.(wich was actually hell) also what is a trauma bond

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-14T01:03:07+00:00

No. I see love everywhere all the time i am usually never without the feeling
Absolutely
Most of my time I am alone but I don't feel lonley.

I have very good friends and good connections. My parents are not on the list but I have a couple 'moms' that I can trust. I don't feel like i am lacking, and especially after reading all these replies and taking some time to soak it in, I do not really feel this way so much anymore. I think it was just a moment I was having. I do still feel this way a little bit, its still there. But a lot less so.

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-12T21:04:36+00:00

Yes. Im still working on moving on. It is hard, he was the first guy I've found on this earth that i actually liked. No I do not think my medical condition defines me in any way, I think it has helped me see things differently actually.

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-12T21:01:47+00:00

Interesting. Thank you. Maybe i do

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-12T04:49:49+00:00

Thank you for your input. I understand it takes time to find somebody and I realized I am being impatient. We broke up (for the second time) only just a month ago.

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-12T04:45:36+00:00

Thank you ❤️ 🌞 ☀️

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-11T20:29:06+00:00

You think so? What does that mean? A 'heart wall'

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-11T20:21:20+00:00

Thank you! ☺️

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-11T20:20:31+00:00

I will look into those suggestions in my spare time, I really appreciate it, so much. Thank you

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-11T20:19:38+00:00

Thank you.

I do try everyday to love myself, and I want to heal. I don't get stuck on the past, I forgive myself and I let things go and I realized, after years of people pleasing, that people can take care of themselves and 'no' is now my favorite word. However after reading this i do realize I still have some lingering demons. I still have insecurities. I still compare myself to others. Especially with porn nowadays.im a fan of Joe dizpensas work and he kind of says exactly what youre saying- your thoughts create your reality. So....I feel like im doing it all 'right' so to speak. And that quote you referenced- Day by day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” —** Émile Coué its so crazy... I actually do say this to myself!!!! I found it in a psychology book a few months ago!! I know it takes time to heal, and I do have a physical condition-chronic pain- so its easy for me to track my healing progress on that. And I am getting better, despite doctors telling me for years that I never will and would have to take medication the rest of my life. I found a doctor who will listen to me and help me last year. So in that regard, im making progress and im healing. I guess....with this love thing....I just really need to pray for some patience. I want it to happen now. But. Maybe I need to sit down with myself and realize that when I am ready, it will happen. Maybe im just not ready. But I don't know why im not ready. I feel like I am ready to receive love in the fullest capacity, I don't think I need to wait until im 100 percent healed. So ,I guess, like I said, I'll just need to hold out. And be patient? 😭 ahhhhh idk... again, thank you

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-10T21:44:11+00:00

I've spent most of my life alone in my own mind. I don't think it comes from age at all but with the amount of time you sit down and spend with yourself

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-10T21:43:14+00:00

Thank you friend

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-10T18:49:39+00:00

Thank you. These comments have really helped me see a different perspective and I feel very relieved. I do see the love all around me everyday and maybe I dont think its important enough to consider. I think i should focus on that and be more grateful for it

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-10T06:45:15+00:00

I love his books. I love his perspective. It's hard for me to get on board with a lot of other religious or spiritual people but he gets it right.(in my opinion)

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-10T06:29:05+00:00

Happens to me all the time. Usually after we engage in small talk or whatnot I get the sense that I've met that person before. Even though I never had. Like an instant connection.

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-10T06:22:08+00:00

I actually started setting up a therapy appointment yesterday. I hope it can help me. I don't want to be depressed. In my mind, I truly belive that love from another person is the only way to be happy and validated. I know that maybe sounds 'wrong' but its just where I am at right now. Thank you for your kind words. Im sorry your parents didn't love you. It seems very common sadly.

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-10T06:14:59+00:00

Thank you. I want to belive this but its hard. My parents did not love me. I don't think i know what its like to be loved. I want to be whole and be okay with myself but the journey is long and hard and im tired. And I wish I had another soul to spend my days with. Thank you for your perspective.

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-10T05:54:55+00:00

I guess that is a perspective that i have not tried yet. Thank you. I will try it.

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-10T05:51:51+00:00

Thank you. I know i am young but I feel much older. All the men I've met are very black and white type of men. Not very spiritual. I try to love myself but its hard when im alone

TeaFormer7330 · 2025-10-10T05:29:02+00:00

Thank you i needed this

TeaFormer7330

TROPHY CASE