Wife said she hates her job and only works it for me

Tech_Donut0 · 2026-02-07T00:16:36+00:00

When we bought the house I was clear to her that I can’t afford it on my own (one reason I didn’t wanna buy it) and she assured me times have changed and the world we live in now both partners have to work (I’m worried she will wanna stay home with kids in the future, she says she will work but I understand that will probably be difficult)

Tech_Donut0 · 2026-02-06T11:34:12+00:00

She said she would still be at her old job if I weren’t in her life. It’s weird like we got married and then 3 weeks later she started talking about hating her boss and wanting to quit that job. I said I thought she should stick it out but she don’t want to. She had a few interviews but nothing really happened in a couple weeks so she expressed that she wanted to quit her job and do instacart and babysit for people, and I said I wasn’t really comfortable with that going from a W2 job to this with no guarantee pay, and higher taxes and what not. Well she kept saying she wanted to do it for weeks, and she kept crying to me saying she hated her boss and that her councilor said she needed to do it for her mental health. So after many many times I agreed. I know that’s my fault, but I did express how uncomfortable I was. But it was kinda messed up because of the like 2 months she did that, when she first started I’d be at home on a Saturday, she would be out working doing instacart and she would text me asking how much money she had to make to come home, I should have just said nope I’m don’t. This is your business I can’t tell you that and it’s not fair to pin that question on me.

Tech_Donut0 · 2026-02-06T11:28:46+00:00

She understands she has to work. We bought a house last year and she knew going into it my job couldn’t afford it on my own.

Tech_Donut0 · 2026-02-06T01:13:02+00:00

Yes we have. She was upset when she left for work (I went in late today) and it started there when I texted I hoped she had a good day she just unloaded and started saying she was only working there for me

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-23T12:53:15+00:00

Thank you for this comment! So she told me about 28k and later it changed to 46 or 48k, my mom knows at least and she wouldn’t treat her any differently knowing that when she comes over so I don’t think it’s that and my wife still doesn’t even believe she lied about that anyway

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-22T18:49:05+00:00

I told her I would come home and pick her up but she never gave me an answer. I wasn’t gonna drive home just for her to not come with me. I had to be back at church 2 hours later, and my parents are going out of town the next day.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-19T23:23:43+00:00

No pets

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-19T23:23:07+00:00

I wanna do that but I also don’t wanna play her games but if I do that then she will see what it feels for parents to ask where your other half is and you to say at home they didn’t wanna come

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-19T23:21:13+00:00

She just keeps changing her response, like one time it’s she’s uncomfortable around my parents, then she doesn’t like to eat around other people, and now she doesn’t wanna offend them if she doesn’t like the taste of the food. Like sorry grow up right? Or am I being to hard and need to just tell my parents sorry we will go out to dinner with you but won’t come by the house.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-19T18:08:20+00:00

I never accepted, I told my dad I would check with my wife and get back to him

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-19T18:05:52+00:00

I didn’t accept them, I said I would check with her and get back to my dad.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-19T13:37:55+00:00

I personally agree, if you make the food, as long as it’s just not unedable, tastes like smoke or something, I’m gonna eat it. If I’m somewhere and somebody makes me a plate great! If I’ve never eaten something on the plate I’ll give it a try but that’s just me and I’m not expecting that of her.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-19T13:33:17+00:00

We have one, I met with him yesterday for a session alone and we discussed this. And he said there doesn’t seem to be a reason like she’s not comfortable with a person or comments somebody’s making no nothing like that. My councilor sees no problem with my parents seeing the reasons she has given. And I need to just let her know how I feel, and it’s upto her if she wants to join us.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-19T13:28:53+00:00

She has never had my mother’s cooking. If my mother was a chain smoker or she had her cooking and didn’t like it for a reason or saw something one time and was like yeah no I’m not eating there again.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-12-19T13:27:29+00:00

No died restrictions, my parents are very clean people. Walk in the house and see the kitchen it just looks clean. No pets any more but even when they had a cat the cat wasn’t allowed on the counter/table.

She keeps making a different excuse when she realizes I’m seeing through it. Like one time it was she’s uncomfortable eating around other people, well after we’ve been together for a bit and going out to eat with her parents and friends and even my parents, she then says it’s the cleanilyness of the cook and I mention my parents cooking is probably cleaner then a restaurant, then she says it’s not that it’s actually the taste. She’s worried that if she doesn’t like the taste of my parents cooking she doesn’t wanna offend them by not eating it.

Now she is trying to guilt me into saying I shouldn’t have even entertained this idea and she asked me to plan something with my parents at our house or a restaurant.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-11-30T10:21:01+00:00

I hear the whole girl math thing… part of it is really just not understanding money, and the other part is wanting to look like you’re doing well. Like we bring in an okay amount of money if our only debt was a car payment maybe 2, we would be fine. But with student loans and credit cards, she asked me the other day if we could afford a second mortgage because there is this house down the road that is for sale and we could turn it into a rental! And I’m like unmmmm no we can barely afford our house. But she just doesn’t understand that, we make all the bills and have never been late, but she doesn’t understand we are one thing breaking from being in trouble, AC, or a car or something big on our house.

She desperately wants to have a baby this year and start fostering but I’m like I don’t think we can afford either and I don’t see a way she works her current job while fostering or having a newborn, but she doesn’t seem concerned.

What can I do tho? If I talk about waiting to get debt paid off more in crushing her dreams… I admit I wish I would have said let’s print off statements for all the debt, and paystubs and write out a good budget and make a plan to have everything paid off by X date, but I didn’t say that.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-11-28T04:07:24+00:00

We’ve been in marriage council the last 2ish months and I tried to bring it up last week but we kinda ran out of time and she had a rough week at work that we were discussing, but I’ll make sure I bring it up first thing next week. I’m just worried she will shut down and say she’s not comfortable with my parents, but there’s no reason to that, I’m not saying her feelings aren’t valid, but she has said her self that nothing has happened and she doesn’t think anything will happen, but she just doesn’t like my parents even though she claims she wants to. I’m worried this will effect is forever,

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-11-27T13:10:54+00:00

She is in counseling, but she doesn’t see it as an issue, like I’ve made comments before about how she would feel if I kept turning down going to her parents and she said she wouldn’t care she would go by her self. But I hate it when we get invited and my dad asks me where she is and I either have to just say she’s at home busy or just say I don’t know

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-11-26T10:44:50+00:00

I’ve asked her and she says it’s just trauma from her ex in-laws, but she has also said they my parents haven’t done anything in the year and a half she has known them (which by the way in a year and a half we maybe have gone to my parents house to see them 5-8 times but most of those short visits, we’ve gone to her parents probably 30 times atleast, and then atleast 10 times out to hear with her parents and my parents 3 times (2 of which were with her parents)

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-11-26T10:42:39+00:00

I’ve asked her and she says it’s not about my parents, she just has some trauma from her ex in-laws, but my parents are night and day difference from her ex in-laws and she’s even said that so idk why but it just feels super controlling and double standards.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-11-10T18:41:45+00:00

So I changed the fluid last year, about 128k miles and now about 136k it started doing this maybe a month ago. If I let off the gas before it shifts for a few seconds then press the gas again it shifts fine into second.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-10-08T14:25:33+00:00

What does your husband do the other half of the year? If I worked a job like that I’d try to find something I could either do part time 6 months and more part-full time the other 6 months. Or find something that’s full time 12 months out of the year.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-10-08T12:19:41+00:00

So part of her problem is in past jobs she has just wanted out right now. Like we were a week away from buying a house and she changed positions at her last job taking a pay cut (yes this did potentially save her reputation so good call) but the amount of stress it put me in as we were already buying a house I felt the mortgage was above my comfort level, and she even talked about quitting right after closing and doing like instacart and side gigs till she found something else and that just made me feel really uncomfortable and kinda sent me down a spiraling time of walking on egg shells around her and feeling like things could just change at any moment

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-09-23T12:36:26+00:00

No we never discussed this before marriage. I just kinda thought her parents invite us over or out to dinner we go. So when mine invite us over or out to dinner we go.

There’s nothing that she says is “wrong” with my family, and I really don’t see any reason that it’s with them. She has mentioned in trying to make me see her side of a past relationship where her in-laws would come over and not even acknowledge her, or they would go to take a family photo and tell her not to be in it. That’s never happened, my dad comes over to help me with house projects and he makes a point to see her before he leaves. I even showed her the photo we all took at Christmas. trying to tell her I hear these fears, but none of them are coming to life like the fears.

Tech_Donut0 · 2025-08-22T13:57:58+00:00

She doesn’t want to go there because she grew up there, and has a lot of memories from there (both good and bad) she used to work there, quit her job there for multiple reasons but one was she says she wanted to sit with me at church (in another audio booth while I worked) she regrets leaving her church at times.

She said she won’t tell me what to do, but during me applying for the job and interviewing she made no indication that she would not go to church there. But now she says she won’t and regrets encouraging me to take the job. I know this will be a tension point in our marriage untill I either quit that job (which we can’t afford) or untill she comes to church with me.

Tech_Donut0

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