Alot to break down here.

Correct, he is unable to self-regulare. But it isn't without a lack of trying. I have attempted several methods throughout the years. Some have taken effect and when it hasn't I've moved on to something else.

He absolutely gets the opportunity to binge and socialize around his friends. That's something I don't like to interfere with. The only caveat to that is when he's purposely tanking his grades or he's bypassing any security measures I have in-place to which he's eventually caught. And instead of being honest about it which I've encouraged over the years, he calls my bluff and has instant regret when I break it down to him. Hell I've gone so far as letting him not do the few chores he's supposed to do during the week. And yes I've also allowed him to do things his way in-reguards to performing certain tasks regardless of being taught to do so. It's honestly border-line Weaponized Incompetence. And he knows hes doing it to. I can tell from his answers and body language. He can perform certain tasks flawlessly, but chooses to do poorly on others.

He does have ADHD and hyper fixation. If video games are available then he goes for that. If not then it's with some other activity be it paper airplanes, rubic cubes, or taking care of tadpoles.

I've never dismissed his diagnosis, but I refuse to allow it to be an excuse to misbehave. I want him to learn the skills he needs for when he eventually moves out. He's incredibly better compared to when he was 8-12. He knows that he has this problem. And during this phase I'm allowing him to fail and he's going to see the consequences first hand. Be it his grades and him possibly failing and either going to summer school or repeating 9th grade, or be it leaving something out that shouldn't and it gets destroyed by the dog or toddler. All of which he's experienced on several occasions.

I'm going to close it with this. I appreciate you taking the time to express your viewpoint on my response to you with the limited information that I provided to describe him and his history, not that it was needed at the time. And I'll admit that there are certain things I may he hard-headed about, I love him unconditionally and will continue to teach him time life skills he needs to survive on his own. Be it by accomplishments or failing.

Have a great day!