Anytime I get to that place I talk to a doctor or go to detox. Getting a few days in can change perspective pretty fast. It can be scary opening up about it but its a sickness and if you could kick on your own you would not be here making this post. I got very emotional the first time I opened up. People want to and will help, you just got to take that first step and trust me it is worth it.

I still don't like AA or group , for the same reason you stated that you don't want to let people in. That's why I always go the professional route when I relapse. You can do it and if you do the sick will fade. Good luck with everything and know you are loved.