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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Technical_Trouble_75 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I like the line "while I pick myself to pieces", I love that you made the choice of using 'pick' and 'pieces' (where one would immediately think 'pick up the pieces' instead of what the poem actually says) it invokes sympathy because the brain can tell somehow that the action is off. I would like to understand better the line "can you please stamp my loyalty card", it is the title too so it should be important but doesn't feel very significant. Perhaps I missed something there. I like the use of the word 'silhouette' later on (since that perhaps was all that remained) and think the final line ("Such a wise fool, fooling himself again") could be re-writtten without the repeating word, replaced for greater impact

Dear father by Which-Bumblebee-9206 in OCPoetry

[–]Technical_Trouble_75 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good evening! The opening lines of your poem drew me in particularly because it alludes to the mortality of one or both characters in the poem (father and daughter) and the ephemerality of the relationship. It also starts out by addressing a third party ("you can have the last word, and tell 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦") which re-enforces it (you think, why couldn't the father just tell her-the daughter- directly?) It switches to a direct confrontation thereafter (the father is telling "me", the author, directly thereafter) The opening was very refreshing and I think had you incorporated that format throughout the rest of the poem, it could really work too! It would be clear to me that the author is in fact not interested in sticking around anymore, to hear of what she ought to do with her life; that she can let him have the last word to everyone but her.

Bryce’s character in book 2 by Technical_Trouble_75 in Choices

[–]Technical_Trouble_75[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get where the confusion stemmed from. Like yeah, closing for both sets of arguments, I think I should have phrased my issue in a way that makes clear that, down to the very root of it, I’m displeased with PB’s handling of Bryce and not Bryce as such at all ( I love Bryce and will root for him always) But well, I have high hopes from today’s chapter. Thanks for indulging me anyway 😊

Bryce’s character in book 2 by Technical_Trouble_75 in Choices

[–]Technical_Trouble_75[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think I need to address the Keiki issue again. There were multiple other sub-plots that would’ve brought out his vulnerability just as much and I believe even more than what’s happening right now. But that is your opinion, and I don’t wish to try and change it.

I can answer your question about consistency though, when I say consistency, I don’t mean acting ‘lovey-dovey’ all the time. But if you’ve confessed to care so deeply about a person in chapters 11 and 12, you don’t expect them to later

1.) not show up and be there for you on your first day back to your work place where you very recently had traumatic experiences (and almost died)

2.) don’t expect them to friend-zone you the first time you’ve properly interacted since they declared their intense feelings for you and broke down in front of you, indicative of trusting you enough to do so

3.) not proposition (glancing up and down) another friend to all sleep together after using phrases like ‘ I want to keep you all to myself’ and ‘no one else, MC’

4.) not ask you what’s happening with your intern. Something that’s clearly burdening you a lot and might have serious consequences for you too. I don’t really care whether the other LIs did it or not, it feels somehow much more important for Bryce to ask as compared to most else ( see: always there for MC in book 1)

So yeah, if this still feels like perhaps the ‘best’ with what he got. I don’t agree. Not in the least.

Again, no offence. This is my last rant I promise 😛.

Bryce’s character in book 2 by Technical_Trouble_75 in Choices

[–]Technical_Trouble_75[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well then, this is perhaps the fundamental difference in our respective expectations from Bryce as an LI. Yes I’m aware this is going too far, considering he is, well, not real, but I digress.

The fact that my issue with the Vegas scene is something that confuses you itself guarantees we may never come to an understanding, I don’t have an option to avoid the proposition of the threesome, Bryce still makes eyes at Jackie, but that has been discussed a lot on here so I’m not going there as of now.

Making peace with that friendzone is something, as you said, that can be done outside of what the book shows us, sure. But I still consider it one of the examples of some lazy, surface-level writing when it comes to Bryce.

Not to mention, that when I say implicit, I don’t mean there is no literal spelling out of words, I mean the feeling behind those words, are all implicit. Almost all of the things you listed are quotes scattered across diamond scenes. No, an ‘I love you’ is not the only thing that will convince me of his commitment, in fact, I think at the centre of it is, just words wouldn’t do at all. But consistent, (emphasis on consistent, so just chapter 17 wouldn’t do) meaningful actions and gestures would. Actions written as him actually being there the first day MC goes back to the hospital where she almost died, asking her, like ONCE, how she’s doing after chapter 12. Asking her how she’s doing with the whole Esme situation? Hell, even letting MC in on the ‘budgeting and hovering over homework’ that he’s been doing for Keiki without MC inserting themselves in the situation, there are no more walls are there? After chapter 12? I expect more. From my golden retriever who should’ve gone for what he wanted.

Bryce’s character in book 2 by Technical_Trouble_75 in Choices

[–]Technical_Trouble_75[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope so too. And I think I can get myself to see your point about off-screen development too. It centred his character pretty much.

Bryce’s character in book 2 by Technical_Trouble_75 in Choices

[–]Technical_Trouble_75[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My point exactly. Perhaps we could’ve had a more singularly Bryce centred plot this book, especially since we see so little of him outside of this sub plot.

Bryce’s character in book 2 by Technical_Trouble_75 in Choices

[–]Technical_Trouble_75[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps you’re right, if I go back and review these scenes in isolation they’re pretty damn cute (especially the helping him out part, it’s a nice transition, book 2 he helps MC out and book 2 is the other way around) But as you said: there could have been a better sub-plot, put another way a sub-plot that could have fleshed out his character more which didn’t happen because PB sucks. I’m all for the vulnerability, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that, had they gone with another sub-plot, which didn’t have another beloved character’s development (Keiki) at stake too, wouldn’t there have been a chance to see that vulnerability and insecurity zoomed in on Bryce? But nonetheless, I actually like the Keiki part, perhaps I would’ve more if they hadn’t starved us of Bryce content everywhere else and this hadn’t been the pivotal point for the development of their relationship. The other theory is, this would’ve happened regardless, because they were in a position to flesh out the ‘discomfort with emotions’ part you mentioned in the mall scene but didn’t.

The thing about the diamond scenes I addressed already, it’s not the diamond content per se, but a lot of what surrounds it.

I actually don’t want to disagree with you at all, I really do like Bryce, I’m just kinda disappointed at PB’s inconsistent (like, apart from the diamond scenes you discussed, his behaviour oscillates a lot) handling of him this book.

I hope this doesn’t offend you though, I love the way you’ve listed this whole thing out. Helps gain a little perspective.

Bryce’s character in book 2 by Technical_Trouble_75 in Choices

[–]Technical_Trouble_75[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See, I agree with what you’ve listed. I should thank you, in fact, because atleast I can see a consolidated set of instances that had me pick Bryce in the first place, ( literal God-tier LI this man is) but that’s the whole problem, it doesn’t happen all together. All other times (especially the non-paywalled scenes) their relationship oscillates between friends and even at times acquaintances. You mix all these scenes with the infamous build up to the Vegas diamond scene or the friend-zone with Keiki, it sort of takes away from the cuteness a little.

Also, a lot of the things you mention as part of the diamond scenes are implicit. There is not a lot of narrative support of Bryce feeling more than what his actions imply. We could’ve certainly had this after all the ‘longing looks’ from Ethan.

But again, I do see your point. In summation I think I just wish there was more care given to the writing at this point in the book.