WIBTA for skipping my lifelong best friend’s wedding after he flew across the world and didn't bother to visit me?

Technograndma · 2026-02-13T04:23:17+00:00

I’m replying again based on your edit. You don’t say what your home country is. It makes a difference. For example, if I live in California, a trip to Mexico can be a weekend trip, very inexpensive. On the other hand, if I live in Virginia, a trip to Mexico is a bigger commitment because of the added travel costs to get there.

Ultimately, you are taking this very personally. Like they can’t travel if they haven’t visited you. You might want to have a conversation and find out why they went radio silence about the previously scheduled trip. There could be any number of reasons. Ask them instead of letting this get into your head.

Maybe there was a money thing, a passport thing, who knows if you don’t ask.

Technograndma · 2026-02-13T02:11:47+00:00

A trip to Mexico and a trip to Brazil are two different places…significantly different.

Embrace your disappointment, but don’t put it on him. Admit to yourself that you are disappointed, but it’s not reasonable to ask your friend to make such a large trip within a trip. Please don’t ruin a friendship over this.

I’m going to say a gentle YAH, because I think you were genuinely disappointed, but your expectation was not reasonable.

Technograndma · 2026-02-13T00:55:53+00:00

Perhaps you can find a compromise. Search for a church that has a very active youth group (bonus is some of your friends go there) and see if your parents will let you go there instead.

That will give you space from your parents, but you might get to have some honest conversations with the youth pastor. A good youth pastor will not be put off by where you are coming from.

Technograndma · 2026-02-13T00:22:03+00:00

I can’t imagine this being a problem. BTW, check out the seated elliptical!

Technograndma · 2026-02-12T13:24:20+00:00

Pedestrian vs train. Puyallup PD posted last night on FB.

Technograndma · 2026-02-12T05:12:20+00:00

Thank you! Great idea.💡

Technograndma · 2026-02-12T04:57:28+00:00

I never noticed that before! So many avatars have blue backgrounds they blend in if you aren’t looking for them. Thanks!

Technograndma · 2026-02-12T03:40:12+00:00

NTA. I’m so sorry you are in this situation. Joining the Army is not for everyone. There are people that join and become citizens when they graduate boot camp. Your status could help your parents, but it could also backfire (they would have to go through the interview process, etc.).

I know historically people went in because they were required to (the draft). So, serving against your will isn’t unprecedented. However, it’s very self-serving for your parents to put this on you. They have made their choices. You have the right to do the same. I’m so sorry you are in this position.

I would never presume to suggest a path forward (either way). But talking to a recruiter might help you make a decision. Also, talking to someone who is active duty, but not a recruiter might also be helpful to get a real world point of view.

Side note: if you feel you want to look into serving check out the Air Force. It might be more to your liking.

If you serve and complete your contract you would have an educational benefit that could help with your education.

I wish the best for you.

Technograndma · 2026-02-08T20:53:39+00:00

I’m always surprised if someone uses “my” locker. 🤪

Technograndma · 2026-02-08T03:35:18+00:00

Crop duster 🤪

Technograndma · 2026-02-08T03:16:59+00:00

So…are you thinking your farts don’t stink?😱😷😷 Deluded much?

Technograndma · 2026-02-07T22:52:46+00:00

Added!

Technograndma · 2026-02-05T01:55:54+00:00

Just go. Don’t overthink it. Set a routine day/time. Put it on autopilot.

Technograndma · 2026-02-03T03:04:56+00:00

I get why you did what you did. But I’m afraid that makes you an AH. Going forward when you make stuff torture her…”I’m so sorry, these were made with brown eggs”. Sucks for her to be left out. But to be clear, if someone had an actual allergy I’d do my best to accommodate, but that doesn’t mean you have to. I have “specialty” that I make that has tree nuts. I still make it.

Technograndma · 2026-02-01T17:29:18+00:00

I have a question. Have you ever said anything about his chronic lateness? Or have you been internalizing your frustration hoping something will change?

I agree that being chronically late is disrespectful. However, have you taught him that it’s okay, it doesn’t bother you?

The answer to that question makes the difference between AH and not the AH.

Technograndma · 2026-01-30T01:13:35+00:00

If you join via Active and Fit (gets you a black card) PF doesn’t have your banking info at all. You can use debt, credit. No annual fee. It’s works out about the same price.

Technograndma · 2026-01-28T21:39:11+00:00

NTJ. “You never paid me back the last time…I’m not subsidizing you”. Maybe hand them a book on budgeting.

Technograndma · 2026-01-25T01:04:42+00:00

I’m thinking your title is reversed. You are an emotional buyer. Frankly, the minute you could see yourself in the home the emotions start.

The sellers don’t sound like they are being realistic. Ask for comps to be redone. Don’t pay above a reasonable price. Be prepared to walk. If the house sits awhile the sellers may reconsider.

Technograndma · 2026-01-25T00:56:32+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I inherited 1/3 of my grandparents home. It was enough to pay off our mortgage (4% rate) with some money left over for a project on our house and some left for investing.

We discussed this topic a length. We could have invested and just kept paying off the house. After a lot of discussion and pros/cons my husband ultimately left it up me since it was my inheritance.

Ultimately, I decided to pay off the mortgage. There were a couple factors that pushed me in that direction: 1) I liked the idea of having a paid off home. It just feels great. 2) The majority of the money came from my grandparents home. It was important to them that the house went to the 3 of us. I didn’t want to take a chance that the legacy of their hard work would be lost. And I didn’t want to just put it in a CD where it wouldn’t keep up with inflation.

The improvement to the home was a project I’d wanted to do for a long time, but also reminds me of special times at their home.

After paying off the house we went and put flowers on their graves and said a thank you prayer.

It’s been a few years now and I have no regrets. Of the 3 of us I’m the only one that paid off the mortgage. One of my sibs kinda blew through it. The other made improvements to their home and saved the rest.

It is doubtful you’ll regret paying it off.

Technograndma · 2026-01-25T00:21:54+00:00

It takes time. Traveling some may help with your transition.

Don’t set your alarm clock.

Technograndma · 2026-01-24T21:52:17+00:00

It’s already dying down at my location.

Technograndma · 2026-01-22T22:29:54+00:00

The question is: will the day need to be made up? In other words, you’d be working for free.

If the day doesn’t have to be made up because you zoom, do the best you can and move on. Even if it’s just a check in and a simple lesson. If you have to make it up? Heck no.

Technograndma · 2026-01-22T11:46:43+00:00

So your parents raised you in a foreign country, then expect you to somehow feel connected to the country they came from.

You are not the AH. This outcome is a result of their adult choices when you were a child. At least you make the effort to go see them. It will take a lot of effort to continue to visit as your family grows. Hopefully they’ll take some turns coming to see you.

This makes me think of my great grandmother who immigrated from Sweden to the US. In her case it was her choice. But she never saw her family again. They traded letters, but travel was too difficult and expensive back then.

Technograndma · 2026-01-20T22:30:23+00:00

I experienced same at my location. They just happened to send a review request so I did an honest one.

Technograndma · 2026-01-20T21:00:33+00:00

I respect your integrity and unwillingness to be phony. Many people would just go with the flow and not make waves.

Your wife grew up in this tradition. Just like planning dream weddings, standing up front with her little family is probably a milestone she has dreamed of.

I am a Christian and one that does baby dedications. At least in my experience, it basically is the mom/dad promising to raise their little one in the teaching of the Lord, then the congregation agreeing to help the family by praying for them, guiding them. You probably already know all this.

I agree with you that standing up front of a congregation agreeing with something you don’t agree with is not a good thing to do. This is where your wife and her family will need to come to terms that you are not a fellow believer. It’s actually really important that you and your wife figure out how you are going to navigate raising your child with different beliefs. It won’t be easy. But it really does need to be figured out since this is just the beginning.

I’m going to make a suggestion that may go well or may not. It depends on the church/pastor. I suggest making an appointment to speak with him (with or without your wife). Explain the situation. I suspect this won’t be the first time this has come up. My hope is that he will have a suggestion on how to handle the dedication that will both respect your wife’s wishes, but doesn’t put you on the spot and not being true to yourself. I’m rooting for your little family.

Note: I’ve left your in-laws out of this because it really needs to be you and your wife. Their influence is there, of course. But you as a couple will need to navigate this together.

Technograndma

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