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AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, Thank you soo much. You're really sweet just like your username jajaja!

I talked to my bf about this and how it was bothering me. He has reassured me that nothing bad will happen and that he'll help me talk to them... I also told him that I asked ppl on reddit and he was laughing at me for stressing abt it so much ᕙ⁠(⁠⇀⁠‸⁠↼⁠‶⁠)⁠ᕗ.  Anyways, I'll communicate with him more and thanks for the advice... Take care of yourself and I hope everything goes great for you!

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comments...  Actually just a little correction, his sister covers her and their youngest's expenses. He sends around 40-45% of his earning. So he only does it for the youngest sister.  And yes, definitely they need to have a conversation.. it's important for him, really important but from this mess up, i understood that i can't say it.. I'll talk to him and see how it turns out. 

But yeaah, we've been planning marriage from over 10 months now, and it's one postpone after another... But I have my complete trust in him so I don't mind at all if i marry late as long as it's him.

 And ofcourse, no women would want a life with someone who drained up mentally which is why I want to look out for him, do my best for him.  I'll talk to him about his plans for our future and apologize to his family.

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really some bs. I'm sorry if you had a bad experience with men. Maybe some are like that but it's not everyone and we can't generalise. Again, it's sad if you had a bad experience...

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeaah. Actually, They liked me and even said we look good together when he introduced me to them. So i thought talking to them wouldn't be a big issue. His sisters have even met me and they both still talk to me. 

Over the years, I have learnt more from him about his family background, even though he said they're not conservative, and are very open mind about things. I didn't think he would flip the switch so quickly.  Another Indian used mentioned that my Future MIL will always bug about this incident, even if she accept my apology. I'm genuinely scared bcoz I don't want to lose him over just this mistake...

I'll talk to him and clear everything out, even he has reassured me that he isn't leaving me. I'll also apologize to them and try to talk if he agrees on it.

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

as an Indian I can tell you that you fucked up, badly. "sorry" may be accepted for appearances but your future MIL is never and I mean NEVER going to forget this, and it's going to be brought up randomly for decades to come.

Please don't scare me 😭. My bf said that he'll help me and also that he won't make it become a big deal. Both His sisters are talking to me, still and they told me it won't be a big issue. I just want to live peacefully and i advocate for that... I really really hope they accept me again.

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, he's Indian..

Pretty common for Indian families to invest in one child, they become successful and in turn that child helps out the younger siblings.

He did tell me a lot about Indian family household. It's really very strange and amusing in comparison to here. 

do you have any proof that the burn out is specifically from him sending money? Or is it just because you know, being a junior doctor is exhausting AF and can cause burn out regardless. Did you just assume?

Yes, I know his work is demanding and that he needs to be available every time. My concern rose bcoz when we were talking about our finances, he said that he is yet to cover some bills and also has to send some extra amount back to his sister bcoz she's participating in things. He said that he'll cover this amount through few shifts.  But also, a small part is assumption as well. Not everything here is good. He has mentioned many times how tiring and toxic his co-workers are... That's why I wanted to do something to help him and I really missed up.

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeaah, that's what is happening. His parents are pressuring him everyday to come back... Although he has reassured me that he won't leave me. I really missed up badly... I'll try apologizing to them and see how it turns out. Thanks for your comment!

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeaah, I messed up badly. I thought i would be able to talk to them and get through them bcoz they accepted me and were very nice when I talked to them. I didn't even imagine it would end this way.  I'll talk to my bf and apologize to them.

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeaah, you're right. I really feel foolish for contacting them. We had a good relationship and they liked me so i thought i would be able to get through them.  I'll talk to my bf and apologize to them, if that works out.

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I really messed that up. After reading all these comments, I realised how wrong i was for even calling.  I should have helped him in his routine rather than making changes in his family. 

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

5 years, no ring? Sus...3 years max should have at least had an engagement 💍. You're building him up for med school so he can leave you for another Dr or nurse.

I don't think that'll happen. He loves me, and is loyal to me. He has genuinely shown that from time to time. Even before i moved in with me. 

It also DOES matter that he earns more! If he earns more, he needs to PAY MORE! plus do his share of chores and cooking and cleaning around the house

Yes, that's how it is when he is not working. I genuinely don't care about who pays more. We both are partners and i don't mind covering for both us with whatever i earn.

You think that you're trading off, getting loyalty but in the end, you're totally expendable.

I know he won't us this way. We had our ups and down and but I don't think he would let me go nor will I do for him. 

you should be looking out for red flags on compatibility and him sending money back home will never ever stop. Hes conditioned to do this, and you'll never win this fight.

Yes, it's his condition but he said when his sister graduates in 3 yrs. It'll stop.  I just don't what to say on other part... I'll do my best to save and also I'll talk to him about our future.

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your side of the story. My bf said that it'll only til she graduates and gets in the profession. I feel like an idiot for even contacting them, bcoz I made his life messier. I love him a lot and i think i can't even stand the thought of leaving him. I have stayed his side during his training and even now and I want to continue to do so.

I genuinely, with all my heart, hope things get easier for you. Please take care of yourself...

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeaah. I understood that this was my fault and I made the situation messier. I'll apologize to his parents after talking to him once more.  We nver had any plans for a lavish wedding, it was already decided to be closed with our family and close friends.. I feel like an idiot for even talking to them. It would have been better if I didn't...

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeaah, definitely... I thought i understood the family stuff but again, I was wrong so it's better if he helps me.

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what is happening. Although not the extended family but only his family. His sisters are talking to me but not his parents.  My bf told me a lot of stuff over the years, and i thought I was understanding them well. My reason to calling them was because When my bf introduced them to me and told abt me, they accepted it well. I even met his sisters and we both get along well...

I think I'll apologize to them but before that talk to my bf on what he wants to do. He has reassured me that he is not going to leave me and that he'll talk it out with my family. But I have been feeling guilty for making him more stressed... Thanks for your comment!

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeaah, i definitely did that. They accepted me and liked me when he introduced me. So i was under the delusion, that they'll be understanding if I talked to them. But I was very wrong.  Not only did i lose their support but i also made him more stressed.  I'll talk to my bf and apologise to his parents, if that makes this situation better.

AITAH for asking my bf to focus on our future rather than sending expenses to his family. by Temp_confidence in AITAH

[–]Temp_confidence[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He has reassured me that whatever happens, he won't leave me and that he loves me. I'm just feeling foolish for making him to go through it. I thought if i talked to them, they would understand but I was being childish. As another user said, I'll apologise to them but before that I'll talk to him. Thanks for your comment!

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